I can't help but to look back over the last two months and think is there really a God? I know better, but I just don't see it....maybe its just me and Im not doing something right rather it be praying hard enough or lack of faith or....I don't know. 
Im so confused, I just don't know what to think. I thought I was ok with God but it seems that no matter what I pray for the opposite always seems to happen, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God told my this guy was supposed to be pastor of our church and sunday this lady told me she was sorry but I was saddly mistaken. Is she right, am I completly loony and only heard my own thoughts
?
I don't know,
but I feel like Im on the verge of loosing my faith. I have done nothing but struggled my whole life, from a very young age I have had to face more than most people that young should ever have to, I was desprate and scared and lost until I found Jesus and yet nothing seemed to change but I kept holding onto his promise and his love and for what? The very same thing I had before accepting Christ at 7? Why bother?
The funny thing is, Im wrighting a piece on Hope and yet after yesterday I feel so alone and like all hope is lost. I really hope this all makes sence because Im really just a babbling mess in search of something real because Im not sure that what I have is real. God if you are than I pray this, I pour my dying hearts cry out to you that you show me something real, give me hope again to hold to and a solid foundation to build upon.
Im so confused, I just don't know what to think. I thought I was ok with God but it seems that no matter what I pray for the opposite always seems to happen, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God told my this guy was supposed to be pastor of our church and sunday this lady told me she was sorry but I was saddly mistaken. Is she right, am I completly loony and only heard my own thoughts
? I don't know,
but I feel like Im on the verge of loosing my faith. I have done nothing but struggled my whole life, from a very young age I have had to face more than most people that young should ever have to, I was desprate and scared and lost until I found Jesus and yet nothing seemed to change but I kept holding onto his promise and his love and for what? The very same thing I had before accepting Christ at 7? Why bother? The funny thing is, Im wrighting a piece on Hope and yet after yesterday I feel so alone and like all hope is lost. I really hope this all makes sence because Im really just a babbling mess in search of something real because Im not sure that what I have is real. God if you are than I pray this, I pour my dying hearts cry out to you that you show me something real, give me hope again to hold to and a solid foundation to build upon.
