cont.
.....I was bothered about what they were doing/saying, but not more than I was thinking about my own self interests of how boring it would be if they weren't my friend anymore. Plus too that would take away from the image I was trying to maintain/that I was enjoying then. In a way I "needed" them. Would I have dropped them if there were someone else there who could have filled that purpose? Yes & no. I suppose I would have been strenthened to tell them to back off, stop being so hard on that person- and if they then played their game of they were going to not talk to me and they didn't want the friendship anymore- so be it.
I wouldn't have thought that out conciously. I did feel bad for them but in my unregenerate self, not enough to conciously think maybe then this person isn't a "good person" and I shouldn't be their friend. At 13 I didn't stand for much, except maybe my own independence & authority.
Of if I did, if someone called me on it I could've been called a hypocrite because I too was picking/bullying on someone at bit during that time. It was a younger guy. (don't know why I was always harder & less tolerant on guys)
Ha, life outside of God sure is complicating & confusing.
Then again something else I later felt guilt for was a situational thing (including involving that same person). We were also with this other person- person A didn't like person B. Both were my friends though A was a best friend and B wasn't quite at that level (but could've been but I think, for my being scared) To be honest, person A had ASPD tendencies, could be self-centered cold & rude, impatient- especially if they didn't like someone. So in their mind it was bad enough that we were walking with this person, that they didn't like. In their minds they had given them more than enough time time of day in their space. Then we hooked up with some other people that B knew. We went to this guys house in the area we were. B might have been starting to date or starting to know this guy. This guy was a big slick criminal type (though handsome). So we were at this guys apt. and friend A decided it was time to go- and drop B's presence as well.
I would've been like ok whatever...but according to my discernment (which was pretty accurate even back then) and the fact friend B kind of was making it clear she wanted us to stay- I felt it best we should stick around. I was just getting a "bad feeling" plus my friends signs. Even when friend A made it clear like we had to go, and she was going to go and like "don't call me" if you stick around...
She made it seem like if I decided to stay-in this situation, that would be it for our friendship. Very unreasonable. But yet against my "better judgement" I went along with them anyway. Later I found out that guy raped her, B, after we left....(so this was one decision I had always regretted & felt guilt over)
Was this exactly "fear of mens eyes" as the Bible calls it? I was "afraid" of losing their friendship, of not being able to find another friend that I could get along with like that and stay busy & maintain my goals. In anycase I allowed myself to become that weasely and let someone influence me against how I felt. Weasly & cowardly is what it is, especially if it has to do with selling someone out, or even as I know now, selling out what's right. To me that's weasely and I despise it (even if I do it).
Jumping through hoops, denying your feelings & convictions, denying who you consider yourself to be- just to kiss up to people???...
So then I guess that means you get to a point where you don't really even have convictions (not for real). Because in order for something to be a conviction you have to defend it, stand up for it, protect & make sacrifices for it.
For some I guess morals etc. aren't as important as protecting their own fragile hide- or looking good. Then they come to not have morals, from selling out all the time.
I guess they take on whatever will keep them safe at the time.
There is no "code", the code is to protect themselves, and to look good.
Hmm to break it down... to be afraid that people won't like you, they will reject you, hurt your feelings, will look down on you, give you a hard time, ostracise you, leave you out, exclude you, that you will be hated, be alone...
I know and maybe it's evident- there is always "someone" for everyone... ug even pedophiles can make friends & have a group to hang with, criminals, whatever your interest, even most people with psychological disorders (ok maybe not the most extreme hate filled uncommunicative or uninteligable & unsocial paranoid schizophrenic)... I believe someone is only truely "alone" because they want to be.
So that's no excuse there... unless the point isn't you don't want to be alone- but it's that you want to be accepted by a certain group/type of people.
And why choose that group unless one identifies with it. Yet if you go against how you really feel/think/believe in order to stay in be accepted by that group-that's "fear of mens eyes".
One could still maintain the pieces/parts substance of that identity without accepting everything "the group" says etc. One can maintain these without the group.
Obvious example- one is still "black' even if one likes rock music doesn't like hip hop, lives in the country has a good paying job is married and speaks with a British accent... these are stereotypes- but for a point.
I guess the tech industry broke the "group think" herd mentality that you didn't have to wear suit & tie, but still be business like. One could be a male athlete that doesn't sleep around, etc. etc.
There are people out there who realize they can be who they believe they are created to be, have different tastes/beliefs, identity without having to fit a certain mold and without having to follow every pattern others with those same interests etc. do.
Sure at some point you'll take flack, some people will reject you, some people might laugh at you... but sooner or later you'll find people who'll accept you & or agree with you.
Now on the other hand maybe the thing is not just anygroup will do, no?
Hmm..money obviously carries power, influence,physical attractiveness (which the definition of often changes to varying degrees) position?
Ha once again Sarah Palin... now she has power... but first she had influence...then came the money...how did she get the influence through john M picking her...why did he pick her- she had already demonstrated good responsible & leadership qualities. How did she get to be gov.? a basic degree nothing superhard (like engineering or something)-journalism. So what, lot's of people have degrees & more "imporant ones" even. Attractive? yes but there are plently of people like that who never make it "big" (lol just like among musicians). Money? Some, but not to a vast degree, and certainly not from a high position or infuencial family background. There are lot's of small business owners who never get beyond that. Her parents were teachers so their influence didn't drop her into that postition. Hard worker, yes but so are millions of people...
What's left- "the God factor"...
Anyway, if one "sells their soul" to try to get in such a position, that says a lot about a person. Proud, conceited, cold, heartless, unscroupulous, immoral, self-centered & selfish, cowardy & a weasel?
As they say, "the bigger they are the harder they fall.
You jumped through all their hoops, and then someone else comes & takes your position. Financial crashes, acts of violence, natural disaster, sickness, accidents, lose your mind or the use of it, sickness & or deaths of people close to you, extreme "moral failings" & scandel...Old age happens to all (including those to end up looking more ridiculous in doing extreme things in trying to deny the facts).
So many things out of ones control in the persuit of power. It's God who gifts and who allows people to be rasied up & /or brought low.
All for what? (according to the worlds reasoning) To try to get to the point to have others kiss up to you, look up to you & tell you you're something, be jealous of you? Or for some so they can tell others what to do, be the boss, make all the decisions
. For others so they can live hedonisticly and satisfy and whim/lust they desire.
In the world, I suppose anyone would want that for one of those reasons. Yet not everyone would sell out anything or anyone to get it.
Some people make some sacrifices to try to maintain integrity, principles, morals, ethical standards...even risking power- because those things have importance & value. To some, those things don't...and to some compassion, kindness & mercy don't either....
God gifted me to recieve the latter, and He graced me in my weakness to accept the former.
And who does one try to align oneself with, is close to?
That says a lot too (along the same lines).
I myself have come to a question, in thinking about this. Aside from if someone called themself a Christian and did that- what if someone who was not, was an open Anti-semite. Would I even stay friendly with them, for the purpose of being a witness? Would that be ok? This being different than some who just has a loose mouth and says a couple stupid things here & there, I mean someone you know has racial hatred in their heart. I mean if you know all these poeple in that group & they knew that you were on friendly terms with such a person, how would that be a witness to them? On the other hand, how is that different from taking the same position/method with someone who is a homosexual, or a con etc.? It can't be a matter of greater sin.
I take it I know some couldn't be that with with say a pedophile in jail. They just couldn't because it would be so repulsive to them, maybe for some-terrorists,etc..
Would God ask that, or would it be wrong? Are some cases more wrong than others? Is it a matter of conviction? I have my convictions, I have what is repulsive & extremely wrong to me,but still...
One thing I often think about that is ironic- to have mercy on the merciless...
Well this part is my own question I'm asking God, waiting for an answer.
I believe people should try to protect the vulnerable in society: children, the elderly and the disabled.
Anyone who makes fun of &/or picks on the disabled are either: hollow, cold & heartless or are so insecure, weak & are a sniveling weasel... and to a degree those who would align themselves with someone who does, by supporting them in it.
On the other hand, we all have a human nature that left unchecked by God, can degenerate out of control and into something...beyond what we first intended..
We all need God.
Wow hell is going to be pretty horrible...with everyone there at their exposed unfulfilled worst...
YouTube - Skillet - "Monster"
Hre's one for old times sake...
YouTube - Skillet - Those Nights [LIVE]
and a couple by a guy I'm currently into what he's saying and getting a lot out of- maybe relatable:
YouTube - Extreme Prophetic: Favor and Influence (pt.1.a) Lance Wallnau
YouTube - Lance Wallnau Explains The Seven Mountains Mandate
.....I was bothered about what they were doing/saying, but not more than I was thinking about my own self interests of how boring it would be if they weren't my friend anymore. Plus too that would take away from the image I was trying to maintain/that I was enjoying then. In a way I "needed" them. Would I have dropped them if there were someone else there who could have filled that purpose? Yes & no. I suppose I would have been strenthened to tell them to back off, stop being so hard on that person- and if they then played their game of they were going to not talk to me and they didn't want the friendship anymore- so be it.
I wouldn't have thought that out conciously. I did feel bad for them but in my unregenerate self, not enough to conciously think maybe then this person isn't a "good person" and I shouldn't be their friend. At 13 I didn't stand for much, except maybe my own independence & authority.
Of if I did, if someone called me on it I could've been called a hypocrite because I too was picking/bullying on someone at bit during that time. It was a younger guy. (don't know why I was always harder & less tolerant on guys)
Ha, life outside of God sure is complicating & confusing.
Then again something else I later felt guilt for was a situational thing (including involving that same person). We were also with this other person- person A didn't like person B. Both were my friends though A was a best friend and B wasn't quite at that level (but could've been but I think, for my being scared) To be honest, person A had ASPD tendencies, could be self-centered cold & rude, impatient- especially if they didn't like someone. So in their mind it was bad enough that we were walking with this person, that they didn't like. In their minds they had given them more than enough time time of day in their space. Then we hooked up with some other people that B knew. We went to this guys house in the area we were. B might have been starting to date or starting to know this guy. This guy was a big slick criminal type (though handsome). So we were at this guys apt. and friend A decided it was time to go- and drop B's presence as well.
I would've been like ok whatever...but according to my discernment (which was pretty accurate even back then) and the fact friend B kind of was making it clear she wanted us to stay- I felt it best we should stick around. I was just getting a "bad feeling" plus my friends signs. Even when friend A made it clear like we had to go, and she was going to go and like "don't call me" if you stick around...
She made it seem like if I decided to stay-in this situation, that would be it for our friendship. Very unreasonable. But yet against my "better judgement" I went along with them anyway. Later I found out that guy raped her, B, after we left....(so this was one decision I had always regretted & felt guilt over)
Was this exactly "fear of mens eyes" as the Bible calls it? I was "afraid" of losing their friendship, of not being able to find another friend that I could get along with like that and stay busy & maintain my goals. In anycase I allowed myself to become that weasely and let someone influence me against how I felt. Weasly & cowardly is what it is, especially if it has to do with selling someone out, or even as I know now, selling out what's right. To me that's weasely and I despise it (even if I do it).
Jumping through hoops, denying your feelings & convictions, denying who you consider yourself to be- just to kiss up to people???...
So then I guess that means you get to a point where you don't really even have convictions (not for real). Because in order for something to be a conviction you have to defend it, stand up for it, protect & make sacrifices for it.
For some I guess morals etc. aren't as important as protecting their own fragile hide- or looking good. Then they come to not have morals, from selling out all the time.
I guess they take on whatever will keep them safe at the time.
There is no "code", the code is to protect themselves, and to look good.
Hmm to break it down... to be afraid that people won't like you, they will reject you, hurt your feelings, will look down on you, give you a hard time, ostracise you, leave you out, exclude you, that you will be hated, be alone...
I know and maybe it's evident- there is always "someone" for everyone... ug even pedophiles can make friends & have a group to hang with, criminals, whatever your interest, even most people with psychological disorders (ok maybe not the most extreme hate filled uncommunicative or uninteligable & unsocial paranoid schizophrenic)... I believe someone is only truely "alone" because they want to be.
So that's no excuse there... unless the point isn't you don't want to be alone- but it's that you want to be accepted by a certain group/type of people.
And why choose that group unless one identifies with it. Yet if you go against how you really feel/think/believe in order to stay in be accepted by that group-that's "fear of mens eyes".
One could still maintain the pieces/parts substance of that identity without accepting everything "the group" says etc. One can maintain these without the group.
Obvious example- one is still "black' even if one likes rock music doesn't like hip hop, lives in the country has a good paying job is married and speaks with a British accent... these are stereotypes- but for a point.
I guess the tech industry broke the "group think" herd mentality that you didn't have to wear suit & tie, but still be business like. One could be a male athlete that doesn't sleep around, etc. etc.
There are people out there who realize they can be who they believe they are created to be, have different tastes/beliefs, identity without having to fit a certain mold and without having to follow every pattern others with those same interests etc. do.
Sure at some point you'll take flack, some people will reject you, some people might laugh at you... but sooner or later you'll find people who'll accept you & or agree with you.
Now on the other hand maybe the thing is not just anygroup will do, no?
Hmm..money obviously carries power, influence,physical attractiveness (which the definition of often changes to varying degrees) position?
Ha once again Sarah Palin... now she has power... but first she had influence...then came the money...how did she get the influence through john M picking her...why did he pick her- she had already demonstrated good responsible & leadership qualities. How did she get to be gov.? a basic degree nothing superhard (like engineering or something)-journalism. So what, lot's of people have degrees & more "imporant ones" even. Attractive? yes but there are plently of people like that who never make it "big" (lol just like among musicians). Money? Some, but not to a vast degree, and certainly not from a high position or infuencial family background. There are lot's of small business owners who never get beyond that. Her parents were teachers so their influence didn't drop her into that postition. Hard worker, yes but so are millions of people...
What's left- "the God factor"...
Anyway, if one "sells their soul" to try to get in such a position, that says a lot about a person. Proud, conceited, cold, heartless, unscroupulous, immoral, self-centered & selfish, cowardy & a weasel?
As they say, "the bigger they are the harder they fall.
You jumped through all their hoops, and then someone else comes & takes your position. Financial crashes, acts of violence, natural disaster, sickness, accidents, lose your mind or the use of it, sickness & or deaths of people close to you, extreme "moral failings" & scandel...Old age happens to all (including those to end up looking more ridiculous in doing extreme things in trying to deny the facts).
So many things out of ones control in the persuit of power. It's God who gifts and who allows people to be rasied up & /or brought low.
All for what? (according to the worlds reasoning) To try to get to the point to have others kiss up to you, look up to you & tell you you're something, be jealous of you? Or for some so they can tell others what to do, be the boss, make all the decisions
. For others so they can live hedonisticly and satisfy and whim/lust they desire.
In the world, I suppose anyone would want that for one of those reasons. Yet not everyone would sell out anything or anyone to get it.
Some people make some sacrifices to try to maintain integrity, principles, morals, ethical standards...even risking power- because those things have importance & value. To some, those things don't...and to some compassion, kindness & mercy don't either....
God gifted me to recieve the latter, and He graced me in my weakness to accept the former.
And who does one try to align oneself with, is close to?
That says a lot too (along the same lines).
I myself have come to a question, in thinking about this. Aside from if someone called themself a Christian and did that- what if someone who was not, was an open Anti-semite. Would I even stay friendly with them, for the purpose of being a witness? Would that be ok? This being different than some who just has a loose mouth and says a couple stupid things here & there, I mean someone you know has racial hatred in their heart. I mean if you know all these poeple in that group & they knew that you were on friendly terms with such a person, how would that be a witness to them? On the other hand, how is that different from taking the same position/method with someone who is a homosexual, or a con etc.? It can't be a matter of greater sin.
I take it I know some couldn't be that with with say a pedophile in jail. They just couldn't because it would be so repulsive to them, maybe for some-terrorists,etc..
Would God ask that, or would it be wrong? Are some cases more wrong than others? Is it a matter of conviction? I have my convictions, I have what is repulsive & extremely wrong to me,but still...
One thing I often think about that is ironic- to have mercy on the merciless...
Well this part is my own question I'm asking God, waiting for an answer.
I believe people should try to protect the vulnerable in society: children, the elderly and the disabled.
Anyone who makes fun of &/or picks on the disabled are either: hollow, cold & heartless or are so insecure, weak & are a sniveling weasel... and to a degree those who would align themselves with someone who does, by supporting them in it.
On the other hand, we all have a human nature that left unchecked by God, can degenerate out of control and into something...beyond what we first intended..
We all need God.
Wow hell is going to be pretty horrible...with everyone there at their exposed unfulfilled worst...
YouTube - Skillet - "Monster"
Hre's one for old times sake...
YouTube - Skillet - Those Nights [LIVE]
and a couple by a guy I'm currently into what he's saying and getting a lot out of- maybe relatable:
YouTube - Extreme Prophetic: Favor and Influence (pt.1.a) Lance Wallnau
YouTube - Lance Wallnau Explains The Seven Mountains Mandate
