This is really a response to something that started a couple days ago...
Today I was reading and came to (face to face) the verse again: about "treat others as you would want to be treated"
In similar situation I "wanted" for things to be made clear & detailed what the problem was. I wanted to be able to at least discuss them and offer a fitting response oin my part, even the possibility to remedy it if I could.
I wrote this out write away, the other day, but didn't post it:
I wasn't going to write anything further here, I was planning on trying to just drop it & quietly disappear. Then tonight a bunch of stuff came up. Ironically I had asked God for some "signs"/confirmation about something else, something important that I'm trying to make a descision about. Soo here I am looking for this having to do with a totally different situation.
As I'm going along, already thought I had figured out a course having to do with this other...then my other half tells me about a new job opportunity- that lies in the midlle of this one area. News Flash- "reminder".
Then I check my mail and someone close to us sends us this ad they saw- for another different job- in that same area.
Hmm made me think- a bit.
Then I read another letter and someone sent me an ecard- it turned out to be practically the same exact card (but the one I gave was a traditional one) I gave to this same person for their B-day the last time.
So there it was playing that song. So I was like, "ok God are you trying to tell me something? Seriously.
And this person who sent it has prophetic type gifts etc. and they often do things like that - things that aren't just what they are but are also symbolic & or a prophetic sign/message of some sort.
Too it's the timing of it all 3 at once now?
These could have come up at another date, they could have picked a different card at a different date....
So then as I was wrestling with that
I was getting food together and this thing popped into my mind- the Holy Spirit told me something/brought something to my attention.
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." The "goldren rule" isn't in the Bible but this phrase & principle is.
So here I am, I think for some reason/purpose. So I guess I'll choose to try not to be a hypocrite.
So if it was me (and at some points it was) I guess I wanted to know what was going on in someones mind of why they cut me out, avoided me, etc..
(I'm really tired as I'm writing this, so my writing style may reflect my state of mind- or lack of. My spirit/soul & corresponding emotions are very much awake.)
I would have wanted to know their reasoning, train of thought, logic whatever- behind their choice. This being, even if I disagreed and & or was hurt by it. Not knowing something can be very frustrating. and an added trouble.
Letting someone know what's behind it I suppose can help make things "settled" one way or another, and at least the problem has a form. Also with a form, something made clear- it may be possible to refute it, prove or disprove it. This instead of possibly fighting something unseen, that has no shape etc. In anycase if one is open to truth, one can then see a better overall picture of the situation&people involved- instead of leaving it up to possiblities & probability.
So here I am grieved, on many levels.
God I sure would rather not be here at this point.
Does it even matter at all (theoretically of course it does), practically speaking?
The thing that came to me to do the best explaining, is a past experience I had.
Back in my youth leader days I was freinds with many of the parents as well. Had a pretty decent relationship with some of the moms.So I was friends with one of these moms. That's how it started, later we became friends out of that. By that I don't mean like close friends, I think mainly because of the age difference which was about 15 yrs. or so. Still though not that, more than just aquaintances. We used to have some real good converesations, and "real" at that too, I've always valued that, someone I could have good conversation with, where we understand what the other saying, same point of view &/or willing to discuss whatever, someone who talks for real (not just "small talk) on topics of value.
I really appreciated this person being around, because like at certain prayer meeting, fellowships, etc. I knew I could count on having someone to talk with. Hey we could even talk on the phone, and that says a lot lol.
So I considered us friends, I valued their opinions & what they had to say.I appreciated that they took me seriously and listened to what I had to say as well. They seemed like they had some insight wisdom, & discernment. Therefore I was very disappointed & saddened when out of nowhere they just busted out with some rascism that had obviously been there for some time. At the time when they were talking about that to me, I was shocked I didn't really respond.
Yet after that incident, I was just so disgusted, I didn't want to have anything more to do with them. I thought about all I had self-informed myself about civil rights, about all I tried to believe in and stand up for. Plus I thought of many of the youth that I worked with, some of which they were referring to- I had to stand up for them, be just & loyal from that point as well. I mean how could I align myself with someone who was a rascist (even though I liked their other sides and we got a long great and had so much in common). But I guess too I wanted to show well we didn't have that in common. It took more than a second to forgive them, which I did. Then I had to let go of the thinking of seeing them a certain way.
Yet it just didn't seem right to stay their friend, so sasdly I avoided them stopped talking to them on the phone, and backed off whichever way I could. It made it all the more hard to understand & sort out (including what if anything was I to "do" about this, how to repsond).
Maybe I took the easier way out, in not verbally making it clear. Or who knows maybe they "wouldnt've had ears to hear" anyway.
Of course it made it all the more harder the fact that they were Christian (or I had thought tem to be so)... how could such a thing be?
(continuing) I don't have the same standard for people who aren't Christians though....obviously it's not the same. As it's been said- "sinners are sinners and they're gonna act like sinners". Best to expect that (though once & awhile people will suprise you)...
I really don't want to just throw something out there, I don't want to make a mistake in this area...I know it's a risk, but it keeps coming to me to just put it out there (who knows maybe it's something someone has already thought about).
Then it came to me today...
There are people one loves (can love) where they don't like them or have anything(much) in common.
I'm experiencing that currently. I "feel" so much, even though what I'm "seeing" here & there isn't adding up to a good picture, I mean even one that is opposite of that.
So maybe I was in denial, meaning not like I didn't know/have an awareness/some understanding, but I had been choosing to ignore it. Things are harder to ignore when they are "in your face" & or the evidence adds up.
I thought of even if (and I know they did this in the past) would try to say things just to bother me- and this is a remote possiblity.... still even though it's not as bad it's still not good.
** added note- also makes some sense of this one persons switch of career & choice of residence area...
Mark 8:38
If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his Father's glory with the holy angels."
Luke 9:26
If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels.
2 Timothy 1:8
So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God,
2 Timothy 1:16
May the Lord show mercy to the household of Onesiphorus, because he often refreshed me and was not ashamed of my chains.
Hebrews 2:11
Both the one who makes men holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers.
OK all this refers to what I think is the root.
I knew somone/people who were great as far as the relationship and even loyal but still would've sold out someone supposedly close - if the price was right...
Everybody has their own "thing". We were all created with gifts & strengths, and all of us have a human nature that has weaknesses. We need God to help us to develop our strengths, to keep our strengths from turning into liabilities, and to keep our weaknesses from overcoming us- helping to bring about our 'destruction".
The Devil can't create anything, he just manipulates & morphs- and of course he's a user. Even lying, it came to me- way on the other side could be subtle, cunning, cautious, reserved, strategic,diplomatic...
but given over to the flesh & or devil it beomes corrupted & used for wrong/evil.
And anything (weakness/strength) if not yeilded to God can be used by the Devil to take us straight to Hell/keep us from following God.
a thought..even possibly it was a vision (did I write about this before?) came to me a looong time ago. It came to me that this person had actually met with God/come to know the Lord/receive Him at a young age 3 or 4 (or somewhere in between, can't remember the exact age that came to me then- but either).
This was partly because they were gifted with understanding of "deep" things (like my son) at a young age. They knew some things that were key, at an early age.
I tried to dismiss these thougts becuase I wasn't sure if this was just me wanting to think something nice & hopeful about them.
However it also came to me that this experience was cut off, nullfied because of some truama that happened to them. That they were all innocently happy about the experience they had and they tried to make sense of it at their level, but then they were made to feel embarassment & shame over it.
This was like a trauma to them & they then didn't want to continue on along those lines, in a way it made them scared and they didn't want to "go there" again.
I think most people have part of "the fear of man" to a greater or lessor degree. Just like all people have experienced lust etc. at some point in their lives. But for some it becomes a "root" issue... just like unforgiveness for others, rebellion, pride etc...
I remember I went along with someone else's bullying, not because I was scared about them or what they would think etc..
Today I was reading and came to (face to face) the verse again: about "treat others as you would want to be treated"
In similar situation I "wanted" for things to be made clear & detailed what the problem was. I wanted to be able to at least discuss them and offer a fitting response oin my part, even the possibility to remedy it if I could.
I wrote this out write away, the other day, but didn't post it:
I wasn't going to write anything further here, I was planning on trying to just drop it & quietly disappear. Then tonight a bunch of stuff came up. Ironically I had asked God for some "signs"/confirmation about something else, something important that I'm trying to make a descision about. Soo here I am looking for this having to do with a totally different situation.
As I'm going along, already thought I had figured out a course having to do with this other...then my other half tells me about a new job opportunity- that lies in the midlle of this one area. News Flash- "reminder".
Then I check my mail and someone close to us sends us this ad they saw- for another different job- in that same area.
Hmm made me think- a bit.
Then I read another letter and someone sent me an ecard- it turned out to be practically the same exact card (but the one I gave was a traditional one) I gave to this same person for their B-day the last time.
So there it was playing that song. So I was like, "ok God are you trying to tell me something? Seriously.
And this person who sent it has prophetic type gifts etc. and they often do things like that - things that aren't just what they are but are also symbolic & or a prophetic sign/message of some sort.
Too it's the timing of it all 3 at once now?
These could have come up at another date, they could have picked a different card at a different date....
So then as I was wrestling with that
I was getting food together and this thing popped into my mind- the Holy Spirit told me something/brought something to my attention.
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." The "goldren rule" isn't in the Bible but this phrase & principle is.
So here I am, I think for some reason/purpose. So I guess I'll choose to try not to be a hypocrite.
So if it was me (and at some points it was) I guess I wanted to know what was going on in someones mind of why they cut me out, avoided me, etc..
(I'm really tired as I'm writing this, so my writing style may reflect my state of mind- or lack of. My spirit/soul & corresponding emotions are very much awake.)
I would have wanted to know their reasoning, train of thought, logic whatever- behind their choice. This being, even if I disagreed and & or was hurt by it. Not knowing something can be very frustrating. and an added trouble.
Letting someone know what's behind it I suppose can help make things "settled" one way or another, and at least the problem has a form. Also with a form, something made clear- it may be possible to refute it, prove or disprove it. This instead of possibly fighting something unseen, that has no shape etc. In anycase if one is open to truth, one can then see a better overall picture of the situation&people involved- instead of leaving it up to possiblities & probability.
So here I am grieved, on many levels.
God I sure would rather not be here at this point.
Does it even matter at all (theoretically of course it does), practically speaking?
The thing that came to me to do the best explaining, is a past experience I had.
Back in my youth leader days I was freinds with many of the parents as well. Had a pretty decent relationship with some of the moms.So I was friends with one of these moms. That's how it started, later we became friends out of that. By that I don't mean like close friends, I think mainly because of the age difference which was about 15 yrs. or so. Still though not that, more than just aquaintances. We used to have some real good converesations, and "real" at that too, I've always valued that, someone I could have good conversation with, where we understand what the other saying, same point of view &/or willing to discuss whatever, someone who talks for real (not just "small talk) on topics of value.
I really appreciated this person being around, because like at certain prayer meeting, fellowships, etc. I knew I could count on having someone to talk with. Hey we could even talk on the phone, and that says a lot lol.
So I considered us friends, I valued their opinions & what they had to say.I appreciated that they took me seriously and listened to what I had to say as well. They seemed like they had some insight wisdom, & discernment. Therefore I was very disappointed & saddened when out of nowhere they just busted out with some rascism that had obviously been there for some time. At the time when they were talking about that to me, I was shocked I didn't really respond.
Yet after that incident, I was just so disgusted, I didn't want to have anything more to do with them. I thought about all I had self-informed myself about civil rights, about all I tried to believe in and stand up for. Plus I thought of many of the youth that I worked with, some of which they were referring to- I had to stand up for them, be just & loyal from that point as well. I mean how could I align myself with someone who was a rascist (even though I liked their other sides and we got a long great and had so much in common). But I guess too I wanted to show well we didn't have that in common. It took more than a second to forgive them, which I did. Then I had to let go of the thinking of seeing them a certain way.
Yet it just didn't seem right to stay their friend, so sasdly I avoided them stopped talking to them on the phone, and backed off whichever way I could. It made it all the more hard to understand & sort out (including what if anything was I to "do" about this, how to repsond).
Maybe I took the easier way out, in not verbally making it clear. Or who knows maybe they "wouldnt've had ears to hear" anyway.
Of course it made it all the more harder the fact that they were Christian (or I had thought tem to be so)... how could such a thing be?
(continuing) I don't have the same standard for people who aren't Christians though....obviously it's not the same. As it's been said- "sinners are sinners and they're gonna act like sinners". Best to expect that (though once & awhile people will suprise you)...
I really don't want to just throw something out there, I don't want to make a mistake in this area...I know it's a risk, but it keeps coming to me to just put it out there (who knows maybe it's something someone has already thought about).
Then it came to me today...
There are people one loves (can love) where they don't like them or have anything(much) in common.
I'm experiencing that currently. I "feel" so much, even though what I'm "seeing" here & there isn't adding up to a good picture, I mean even one that is opposite of that.
So maybe I was in denial, meaning not like I didn't know/have an awareness/some understanding, but I had been choosing to ignore it. Things are harder to ignore when they are "in your face" & or the evidence adds up.
I thought of even if (and I know they did this in the past) would try to say things just to bother me- and this is a remote possiblity.... still even though it's not as bad it's still not good.
** added note- also makes some sense of this one persons switch of career & choice of residence area...
Mark 8:38
If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his Father's glory with the holy angels."
Luke 9:26
If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels.
2 Timothy 1:8
So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God,
2 Timothy 1:16
May the Lord show mercy to the household of Onesiphorus, because he often refreshed me and was not ashamed of my chains.
Hebrews 2:11
Both the one who makes men holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers.
OK all this refers to what I think is the root.
I knew somone/people who were great as far as the relationship and even loyal but still would've sold out someone supposedly close - if the price was right...
Everybody has their own "thing". We were all created with gifts & strengths, and all of us have a human nature that has weaknesses. We need God to help us to develop our strengths, to keep our strengths from turning into liabilities, and to keep our weaknesses from overcoming us- helping to bring about our 'destruction".
The Devil can't create anything, he just manipulates & morphs- and of course he's a user. Even lying, it came to me- way on the other side could be subtle, cunning, cautious, reserved, strategic,diplomatic...
but given over to the flesh & or devil it beomes corrupted & used for wrong/evil.
And anything (weakness/strength) if not yeilded to God can be used by the Devil to take us straight to Hell/keep us from following God.
a thought..even possibly it was a vision (did I write about this before?) came to me a looong time ago. It came to me that this person had actually met with God/come to know the Lord/receive Him at a young age 3 or 4 (or somewhere in between, can't remember the exact age that came to me then- but either).
This was partly because they were gifted with understanding of "deep" things (like my son) at a young age. They knew some things that were key, at an early age.
I tried to dismiss these thougts becuase I wasn't sure if this was just me wanting to think something nice & hopeful about them.
However it also came to me that this experience was cut off, nullfied because of some truama that happened to them. That they were all innocently happy about the experience they had and they tried to make sense of it at their level, but then they were made to feel embarassment & shame over it.
This was like a trauma to them & they then didn't want to continue on along those lines, in a way it made them scared and they didn't want to "go there" again.
I think most people have part of "the fear of man" to a greater or lessor degree. Just like all people have experienced lust etc. at some point in their lives. But for some it becomes a "root" issue... just like unforgiveness for others, rebellion, pride etc...
I remember I went along with someone else's bullying, not because I was scared about them or what they would think etc..
