Yesterday, I was driving and crying out to God. I told Him I was drowning; as if that was any news to Him. I handed over all my marriage problems, including verbal abuse, communication problems, the whole kitten caboodle. I handed over so many things that I can't even remember all I handed over. I just know I was sobbing and led by the Holy Spirit.
I thanked Him for the progress that had been made. I realized that there was no need to drown. I don't have to drown when I have a lifesaver.
I cried out to Him and yet my feelings the remainder of the day told me, "you're sunk, Jan". But every time I thought about how bad things are, I turned it around to a praise and found something good to thank Him for and to dwell on.
That was yesterday.
Today turned out pretty bad in the morning and midafternoon. I was scared about something, but I kept praying and asking God to guide me and have mercy upon me. I didn't let the kids know I was bothered and distraught. I kept praying.
I was afraid for Jim to come home, afraid of him calling me at lunch time. I kept praying and tried to work toward a compromise (of the problem).
I called him. I was humble and apologized for what I was worried about. For the first time ever, he did not yell. And when he came home, he did not yell. In fact, he took me in his arms and said, "I don't want you to be afraid of me anymore. I have got to stop being mean." He said a lot of other things too, and I have never had him say that sort of thing and look me right in the eyes like that with a gentleness and humility. It was like he really meant it this time.
He said that he was treating Michelle like his dad had treated him. He said that Michelle is her own person, so why was he trying to make her into himself? He said his dad compared him to his brother, belittled him, and now he was doing the same thing to Michelle. I could not believe it. He finally saw it. God showed him. NOT ME. Always, the more I tried to show him things and "tell God" what to do with him, the less progress was made.
God answers knee-mail. And I know He always will.
I praise you, Lord, and I give you all the glory.
I thanked Him for the progress that had been made. I realized that there was no need to drown. I don't have to drown when I have a lifesaver.
I cried out to Him and yet my feelings the remainder of the day told me, "you're sunk, Jan". But every time I thought about how bad things are, I turned it around to a praise and found something good to thank Him for and to dwell on.
That was yesterday.
Today turned out pretty bad in the morning and midafternoon. I was scared about something, but I kept praying and asking God to guide me and have mercy upon me. I didn't let the kids know I was bothered and distraught. I kept praying.
I was afraid for Jim to come home, afraid of him calling me at lunch time. I kept praying and tried to work toward a compromise (of the problem).
I called him. I was humble and apologized for what I was worried about. For the first time ever, he did not yell. And when he came home, he did not yell. In fact, he took me in his arms and said, "I don't want you to be afraid of me anymore. I have got to stop being mean." He said a lot of other things too, and I have never had him say that sort of thing and look me right in the eyes like that with a gentleness and humility. It was like he really meant it this time.
He said that he was treating Michelle like his dad had treated him. He said that Michelle is her own person, so why was he trying to make her into himself? He said his dad compared him to his brother, belittled him, and now he was doing the same thing to Michelle. I could not believe it. He finally saw it. God showed him. NOT ME. Always, the more I tried to show him things and "tell God" what to do with him, the less progress was made.
God answers knee-mail. And I know He always will.
I praise you, Lord, and I give you all the glory.
