“O Lord, you have deceived me,
and I was deceived;
you are stronger than I,
and you have prevailed.
I have become a laughingstock all the day;
everyone mocks me.
For whenever I speak, I cry out,
I shout, ‘Violence and destruction!’
For the word of the Lord has become for me
a reproach and derision all day long.
If I say, ‘I will not mention him,
or speak any more in his name,’
there is in my heart as it were a burning fire
shut up in my bones,
and I am weary with holding it in,
and I cannot.
For I hear many whispering.
Terror is on every side!
‘Denounce him! Let us denounce him!’
say all my close friends,
watching for my fall.
‘Perhaps he will be deceived;
then we can overcome him
and take our revenge on him.’” (Jeremiah 20:7-10 ESV)
Have you ever felt that way about God? I have! And that stems from having a false perception and a false understanding of who God is and of all that he is about and of how he works in our lives and in our circumstances. And even though Jeremiah was a prophet of God, he was still human, and he felt as though what God had promised him didn’t come true or that his perception of who God was, in reality, didn’t line up with his circumstances.
And I get that. In fact, I feel and/or I have felt a lot of what Jeremiah expressed here, for I have experienced much the same over my life span of 74 years. And it began with an abusive father who was abusive physically, mentally, verbally, emotionally, and sexually. And although I believed in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, and I loved the Lord, and I followed him, I didn’t fully understand him, and I had wrong perceptions of him ingrained in me from childhood.
In fact, in my early thirties, after I had four children, I went through an experience with the church pastor and elders where they were judging me by themselves and by their own way of thinking about things and by their own attitudes and reasons for doing what they did. For they didn’t get me, much like the people in Jeremiah’s day didn’t get him, either. And so I got discouraged, and I retreated, until the Lord encouraged me that I needed to stop running away and that I needed to get back in there and fight.
And what was my response to God? “But God, you don’t understand!” And I can laugh at myself now, for that sounds ridiculous, but that is what I believed, not consciously, but in my heart, because of the way that I had been treated. I believed God had no power over men in my life who would mistreat me, because he didn’t rescue me from my father. And so I thought men had power over me that God could do nothing about. And that led me to times when I would withdraw like Jeremiah did, but not for long.
Anyway, when I committed my life to the Lord to follow him wherever he led me and to do whatever he commanded me to do, I experienced and am still experiencing much of what Jeremiah described here. I have had people mock me, make fun of me, call me crazy, and think me an oddball. And that is because I am teaching what the Scriptures teach and I am not giving out the “feel-good” messages that are so popular today and that so many people are presently embracing in place of them embracing the truth.
And I don’t have a lot of followers or responders or “likes” on the devotions, video talks, songs, poems, memes, and the like. And I don’t really have friends, except for two ladies who eat lunch with me once a month. And I don’t generally have people, other than family, showing an interest in hanging out with me or having conversations with me. And it is largely because of what I do with my life which is to serve the Lord full-time in sharing with the world what he is teaching me each day from his word.
So, I get what Jeremiah was feeling here. I understand these feelings and these emotions being expressed here, for I have experienced them myself. But I came to the same conclusion as Jeremiah did, that if I retreat, which I did sometimes previously, and so I didn’t say anything, there is in my heart as it were a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot. Amen! I get this! This is my experience! Is it yours? No matter how I am treated, I must serve the Lord with my life in his service!
I must trust the Lord with my circumstances, no matter what they are, believing that God has a purpose for them in my life and that he will work his will and purpose in my life through them. And then I must surrender my life fully to the Lord to do his will regardless of how I am treated in return. For he is working all things together for my good because I love him, and because I put my hope and my trust in him, and not in myself.
Video Talk
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Believe Him
An Original Work / July 15, 2013
My heart cries: Lord, won’t You hear me
Seeking You for the answers
To my heartache and questions
I have concerning my life?
Speak, Lord, to me right now.
“Oh, dear one, why don’t you trust Me
With your life’s circumstances?
Give your all on the altar
In submission of your will
To My purpose for you.
“Surrender your life completely
To your Lord and your Savior.
He has all things planned for you
For His glory and honor.
He’ll work all things for good.
“Believe Him. He will fulfill all
Of His promises to you
For your life and your future.
Trust Him. Rest in His love.
He’ll give you peace from above.”
