Well, I am having a better day than I had yesterday. I'm still paranoid I will go to hell soon, but I'm not feeling as bad as I was. I get to graduate in about a week from now. I'm happy about that. I worry that God is going to create a copy of me and then he will send the real me to hell. So sometimes I wish the copy a good life. I try not to hate the copy of me. Sometimes I think I even met the copy of me before. I met a strange person at a Christian dinner who said he was the same as me. I thought that maybe he was a copy of me.
I'm really paranoid about the immediate future. I feel like I will go to hell right before Christmas. This makes me really depressed. I love Christmas and always have a good time celebrating it with my family. We buy gifts and sing Christmas carols and also donate money to charity. Today someone begged me for some change but I thought I didn't have the money so I said "sorry" to her. It turned out that I got the money in my account today some time, so I had the money to give to her. I feel bad that I didn't give her anything. If only I had checked my bank account earlier I would have given her about $5. I like to give to the poor and it makes me feel like a better person and maybe I won't go to hell.
Anyway, I'm excited about graduating. I've been going to school for this program for over two years and I look forward to working (hopefully in my field). I want to believe that God loves me, even though I hear a nasty voice in my head. I have blessings, but usually I focus on my curses and not my blessings. I always see what is wrong with the world and not what is right.
Anyway, thank you for reading,
SnowTiger
I'm really paranoid about the immediate future. I feel like I will go to hell right before Christmas. This makes me really depressed. I love Christmas and always have a good time celebrating it with my family. We buy gifts and sing Christmas carols and also donate money to charity. Today someone begged me for some change but I thought I didn't have the money so I said "sorry" to her. It turned out that I got the money in my account today some time, so I had the money to give to her. I feel bad that I didn't give her anything. If only I had checked my bank account earlier I would have given her about $5. I like to give to the poor and it makes me feel like a better person and maybe I won't go to hell.
Anyway, I'm excited about graduating. I've been going to school for this program for over two years and I look forward to working (hopefully in my field). I want to believe that God loves me, even though I hear a nasty voice in my head. I have blessings, but usually I focus on my curses and not my blessings. I always see what is wrong with the world and not what is right.
Anyway, thank you for reading,
SnowTiger
