Dear Jesse,
I still remember that night like it happened yesterday. You came and you got me. I trusted you. You betrayed me. You broke me. You left evil inside of me that's been poisoning my soul ever since. You tainted me. You stole my greatest joy, my outlook on life. You emotionally stunted me.
I regret not telling Mom sooner. But if she doesn't believe me now, she probably wouldn't have then either.
It kills me a little inside every time someone calls you Julie, or answers your calls. I hate that Mom still talks to you. I want you out of her life. I want you to stop making me resent her. I want you to give me back what was never yours to take. I want you out of my life. I want you out of my past. I hate that you will know when I get married and when I have babies. I hate that you will probably see their pictures. I never want your predatory eyes to lay on my kids. I hate that I couldn't protect Mel or Cliff. I hate that you might have gotten to Clay. I hate that you becoming a woman is somehow a fresh start for you. Do you get a fresh batch of victims this way? People treat you better for some insane reason. I hate what you've turned me into.
Dear God,
Please forgive me. I don't know how to stop hating him. I don't know how to forgive him. I'm not even really sure if I want to. How do I forgive Mom for keeping him? How do I forgive myself?
I still remember that night like it happened yesterday. You came and you got me. I trusted you. You betrayed me. You broke me. You left evil inside of me that's been poisoning my soul ever since. You tainted me. You stole my greatest joy, my outlook on life. You emotionally stunted me.
I regret not telling Mom sooner. But if she doesn't believe me now, she probably wouldn't have then either.
It kills me a little inside every time someone calls you Julie, or answers your calls. I hate that Mom still talks to you. I want you out of her life. I want you to stop making me resent her. I want you to give me back what was never yours to take. I want you out of my life. I want you out of my past. I hate that you will know when I get married and when I have babies. I hate that you will probably see their pictures. I never want your predatory eyes to lay on my kids. I hate that I couldn't protect Mel or Cliff. I hate that you might have gotten to Clay. I hate that you becoming a woman is somehow a fresh start for you. Do you get a fresh batch of victims this way? People treat you better for some insane reason. I hate what you've turned me into.
Dear God,
Please forgive me. I don't know how to stop hating him. I don't know how to forgive him. I'm not even really sure if I want to. How do I forgive Mom for keeping him? How do I forgive myself?
