April, 27, 2010
Well today started out a little better, came to work and enjoyed the rain on the way as I regularly do when it rains. Things seem to be looking up. I did all of my invoices, helped my sister with her birthday party delemma and read some out of my book.
I had found during the course of the above events that there is a chuke cheeses in Billings Montana, I was excited because Billings is not that far from here, I quickly called my husband and told him that one of these weekends I would love to take our daughter up there as a little family get away and he quickly agreed as usual. Then again as usual he called me back and asked if I realized that it is in Billings and it was a 6 hour drive (big deal a half a days drive) I told him yes and that I love road trips and I think it would be fun, and he replies well I wsa thinking we could just go to Idaho.
He always does this to me, he always lets me plan these ideas I have and goes along with them for a short amount of time before deciding that we can't do that. It drives me freaking nuts. Why not just say no to begin with....what is so bad about my ideas....I am so tired of him holding me back. We were looking at this half acre of land with a good trailor on it for 100,00 dollars, no loan needed and they would let us make 600 dollar payments to them no intrest nothing. I was like we can not pass up a deal like that, and he went along with it until the day I was going to go tell the lady we would take it then he changed his mind. I can't be a fire fighter, I can't be a stewardess or a train attendant, I couldn't go to college in another state (before we had kids and were married) because he didn't want me to. He always complains about money so I go get a job on Sundays after church to make the extra money and he complains about that, I am so tired of him holding me back and down grading everything I say and do. Only what can I do? All I can do is sit here and take it to keep the peace and to not feel guilty for being the nagging wife or that ball and chain, mean while he gets to enjoy his life and get what he wants. I feel trapped and frustrated but what can I do....nothing! I am so tired of everything, I hate life and I want to give up, I don't feel God anywhere and don't see him anywhere in any of this. Just waiting for him to deliver me, in the mean time I am done with this stupid fast and everything else that makes no difference!
JESUS HELP ME!!!!
Well today started out a little better, came to work and enjoyed the rain on the way as I regularly do when it rains. Things seem to be looking up. I did all of my invoices, helped my sister with her birthday party delemma and read some out of my book.
I had found during the course of the above events that there is a chuke cheeses in Billings Montana, I was excited because Billings is not that far from here, I quickly called my husband and told him that one of these weekends I would love to take our daughter up there as a little family get away and he quickly agreed as usual. Then again as usual he called me back and asked if I realized that it is in Billings and it was a 6 hour drive (big deal a half a days drive) I told him yes and that I love road trips and I think it would be fun, and he replies well I wsa thinking we could just go to Idaho.
He always does this to me, he always lets me plan these ideas I have and goes along with them for a short amount of time before deciding that we can't do that. It drives me freaking nuts. Why not just say no to begin with....what is so bad about my ideas....I am so tired of him holding me back. We were looking at this half acre of land with a good trailor on it for 100,00 dollars, no loan needed and they would let us make 600 dollar payments to them no intrest nothing. I was like we can not pass up a deal like that, and he went along with it until the day I was going to go tell the lady we would take it then he changed his mind. I can't be a fire fighter, I can't be a stewardess or a train attendant, I couldn't go to college in another state (before we had kids and were married) because he didn't want me to. He always complains about money so I go get a job on Sundays after church to make the extra money and he complains about that, I am so tired of him holding me back and down grading everything I say and do. Only what can I do? All I can do is sit here and take it to keep the peace and to not feel guilty for being the nagging wife or that ball and chain, mean while he gets to enjoy his life and get what he wants. I feel trapped and frustrated but what can I do....nothing! I am so tired of everything, I hate life and I want to give up, I don't feel God anywhere and don't see him anywhere in any of this. Just waiting for him to deliver me, in the mean time I am done with this stupid fast and everything else that makes no difference!
JESUS HELP ME!!!!
