(I vowed to make a blog about this in my thread, so here it is)
Hello, thanks for looking at this, for the safety of my identity, you can call me Victor.
As it says in the title, I've been and still live a life of agony, despair, misery, torture, entrapment, lust and the list goes on. I absolutely hate my life more than anything in this world. The only motivation and thing I live for in life is just so that I don't go to Hell. This is why I haven't committed suicide yet and it isn't a option. I would gladly give my life for any good cause if I had the chance to and go to heaven with a clean slate of forgiveness and salvation. My sad story...
Before it all began: My parents. (Read this only if you are interested)
Let's start from the beginning, my mom and dad had a arranged marriage back in their country a long time ago. My mom's mother set up and agreed to have her marry my father. I believe my mom's side was Christian and my father's side was somewhat Christian. Only his parents were Christian I think. My mom lived a ok-ish life in her country and my father lived poor and in trash, a one roomed house. He became a scientist and traveled around his country looking at water samples for bacteria or something. So he met her across the country and he liked her looks. He started being "like a angel" to her family and did their hard labor and basically did anything they ask. Eventually, this led to her parents trust towards him. My mom didn't mind him at all and didn't really care about him. He started telling his parents about her and they sent letters to her by mail. But my mom's mother started opening up her mail that was being sent to her. She replied to them and sent it back to his parents who lived across the country. Eventually, they arranged a marriage for the two people. My mom wasn't happy but he was happy. (One prophecy was given to my mom, when she was young, which said that she was going to have a hard life).
This was all taken place in Russia. The fall of communism was around the corner and there was a small gap for Russians to escape Russia and have freedom from being trapped in a isolated country. This was around 1990, churches started sending letters to bring refugees and foreigners from other countries to the USA for safety. So they got the invite and they had to travel a bit until they finally reached the US. My brother was born in Russia in 1987 and my sister was born during the trip to America somewhere. They went from Russia, to Rome, Italy, Turkey (those could be the countries, I can't remember) but they had to stay in some countries for several of months before arriving to the US. As they were leaving, they could only take one baggage per person. In these countries, my family lived like beggars and hobo's. My sister was just born and she had to use newspapers and towels, that were reused, as diapers. My father was never present at the time, probably working or something else, my mom, brother, sister were so young, they probably don't remember any of it but my mom said they were miserable and always crying. Apparently, somehow, my father ditched them there somehow because he was never there. I don't know the story to well. But eventually they came to America, my family was taken in by the church and they were helped so well by them. After my family started settling in, my father was again, never home. He was working like 3-4 jobs at once, he was in school taking 12 credits a semester at once. He did this for many years, he became educationally smart in Chemistry and had great grades, but he wasn't smart at all outside of his educational field. My brother and sister didn't really have a father growing up at the time which is crucial to growing up. And then I came into the world in 1999. (End of that story)
My brother and sister. (Some more detail of hardships in my family).
My brother and sister grew up in terrible conditions in America. My father would abuse my family in many ways throughout his lifetime. He pulled a gun on my family more than once. He kidnapped my brother and sister from the airport, running away from my mom. He would regularly threaten and physically beat them. Many bad things. My brother became a bully in school, he did bad things, he hung out with bad people, went to jail a few times (almost for 20 years once but the judge let him go because something was telling him no). Eventually, through our Russian church that we have been attending mostly, my brother found some better friends at church and one family sort of raised him up instead through one of those friends. He became a better person and a Christian. He married one of their daughters and now has 3 small kids. My sister was also abused and experienced several trauma like my brother did, usually they were all together when this all happened when they were very young, except the one time where I think she was sexually abused by my dad. She has major PTSD and she always ran away from home to friends for shelter. She did everything she could to stay away from "home". She had friends of all kinds, she stayed with them. These were all good friends, she was good in school and did sports in school. She was smart and she had counsellors and teachers (friends as well) to basically look after her and help her raise up. God helped her through everything growing up, she had many scholarships and so on, and she thrived. She also got married, she never intended it to happen because she thought she was to broken to do so but he broke though her tough shell and they are now married. He is a amazing Amazing guy, his side of the family is super amazing and they are like the dream family you could ever wish for. (End of that story)
Hello, thanks for looking at this, for the safety of my identity, you can call me Victor.
As it says in the title, I've been and still live a life of agony, despair, misery, torture, entrapment, lust and the list goes on. I absolutely hate my life more than anything in this world. The only motivation and thing I live for in life is just so that I don't go to Hell. This is why I haven't committed suicide yet and it isn't a option. I would gladly give my life for any good cause if I had the chance to and go to heaven with a clean slate of forgiveness and salvation. My sad story...
Before it all began: My parents. (Read this only if you are interested)
Let's start from the beginning, my mom and dad had a arranged marriage back in their country a long time ago. My mom's mother set up and agreed to have her marry my father. I believe my mom's side was Christian and my father's side was somewhat Christian. Only his parents were Christian I think. My mom lived a ok-ish life in her country and my father lived poor and in trash, a one roomed house. He became a scientist and traveled around his country looking at water samples for bacteria or something. So he met her across the country and he liked her looks. He started being "like a angel" to her family and did their hard labor and basically did anything they ask. Eventually, this led to her parents trust towards him. My mom didn't mind him at all and didn't really care about him. He started telling his parents about her and they sent letters to her by mail. But my mom's mother started opening up her mail that was being sent to her. She replied to them and sent it back to his parents who lived across the country. Eventually, they arranged a marriage for the two people. My mom wasn't happy but he was happy. (One prophecy was given to my mom, when she was young, which said that she was going to have a hard life).
This was all taken place in Russia. The fall of communism was around the corner and there was a small gap for Russians to escape Russia and have freedom from being trapped in a isolated country. This was around 1990, churches started sending letters to bring refugees and foreigners from other countries to the USA for safety. So they got the invite and they had to travel a bit until they finally reached the US. My brother was born in Russia in 1987 and my sister was born during the trip to America somewhere. They went from Russia, to Rome, Italy, Turkey (those could be the countries, I can't remember) but they had to stay in some countries for several of months before arriving to the US. As they were leaving, they could only take one baggage per person. In these countries, my family lived like beggars and hobo's. My sister was just born and she had to use newspapers and towels, that were reused, as diapers. My father was never present at the time, probably working or something else, my mom, brother, sister were so young, they probably don't remember any of it but my mom said they were miserable and always crying. Apparently, somehow, my father ditched them there somehow because he was never there. I don't know the story to well. But eventually they came to America, my family was taken in by the church and they were helped so well by them. After my family started settling in, my father was again, never home. He was working like 3-4 jobs at once, he was in school taking 12 credits a semester at once. He did this for many years, he became educationally smart in Chemistry and had great grades, but he wasn't smart at all outside of his educational field. My brother and sister didn't really have a father growing up at the time which is crucial to growing up. And then I came into the world in 1999. (End of that story)
My brother and sister. (Some more detail of hardships in my family).
My brother and sister grew up in terrible conditions in America. My father would abuse my family in many ways throughout his lifetime. He pulled a gun on my family more than once. He kidnapped my brother and sister from the airport, running away from my mom. He would regularly threaten and physically beat them. Many bad things. My brother became a bully in school, he did bad things, he hung out with bad people, went to jail a few times (almost for 20 years once but the judge let him go because something was telling him no). Eventually, through our Russian church that we have been attending mostly, my brother found some better friends at church and one family sort of raised him up instead through one of those friends. He became a better person and a Christian. He married one of their daughters and now has 3 small kids. My sister was also abused and experienced several trauma like my brother did, usually they were all together when this all happened when they were very young, except the one time where I think she was sexually abused by my dad. She has major PTSD and she always ran away from home to friends for shelter. She did everything she could to stay away from "home". She had friends of all kinds, she stayed with them. These were all good friends, she was good in school and did sports in school. She was smart and she had counsellors and teachers (friends as well) to basically look after her and help her raise up. God helped her through everything growing up, she had many scholarships and so on, and she thrived. She also got married, she never intended it to happen because she thought she was to broken to do so but he broke though her tough shell and they are now married. He is a amazing Amazing guy, his side of the family is super amazing and they are like the dream family you could ever wish for. (End of that story)