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Nov 20 2019

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Gma was brought home yesterday but was denied hospice level care bcuz I won’t agree to have her feeding tube removed, allowing her to starve, and die, with no medication. She had a low oxygen event on Nov 2nd and doctors can’t find anything else wrong with her.
We have 5 dogs and I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia 20+ years ago but I’ve been living by faith all this time. The conditions could be worse but I foolishly believed my 2nd husband when he said he’d take care of us, never seek divorce, so I didn’t pursue disability benefits. He had our only running vehicle taken from us in February of this year.
My best friend of 34yrs passed away the 29th of July after 2 year fight was colon cancer. Thankfully Gma was still able to stay with friends while I went back to Texas for her funeral. The same week another close friend was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.
I feel selfish for not letting Gma go to Jesus but without her, I have nothing financially so I lose her, dogs or home. $1500/month could save every thing. I’ve been caring for my Gma for 5, going on 6yrs now. Money isn’t everything until you don’t have any. I haven’t been able to work in so long. I’ve applied for jobs but I can’t sit or stand for long at all.
I pray, read the Word and build my faith but I feel like a failure. I’m exhausted and don’t know what else to do.
Help us God!!
in Jesus name Amen