Demons exist. and the devil is real. The stronger you became in the faith, the more you are tested.
Today, i was called a stupid pillock,by someone who thinks he is my friend.
I am like all humans, i suffer. If i act badly, it is through my own weakness. I believe that i am different from one day to the next.
God wants to make me stronger and some days he lifts me out of His protecting hand and allows the demons to get to me. All to make me stronger.
But it is hard.
After a bad day, i want to go home and retreat. Spend my time drinking and playing video games ‘til it is late enough to go to bed. Then ill stay up watching youtube videos until late. Then i will hit the snooze button three times in the morning and go back to work.
I think inadequacy is one of the main ways the demons get to me. I have an idea of who i should be,or how much/ how fast and competently i should do something at work, and get hurt when i don’t live up to it.
Learning that I am not in control of how my day goes; and knowing that who/what I think I am is irrelevant and foolish. God made the world in six days, and I think that he can’t make me to fail?
I can make things go the way i want/ expect them to go. Doing all and doing all well and better than others so that finally they stop tormenting me and i feel like a hero.
Please!
I need humbling, but humbling is hard to take.
And,
Demons make people blind.
I spent today feeling my ‘friends’ recalcitrance towards staying longer and doing a better job and I allowed it to affect everything that I did. So that i felt panicked, rushed and bad
Trying to please others so that I am liked.
Then, when about to leave, after driving three hours to my destination, I drive three hours back, whilst he sits as a passenger. Only to call me a stupid pillock with no compassion and no empathy.
All the while (him) believing that he didn't mind doing extra, or staying longer, or that i really did want to drive, in total, six and a half hours, whilst he did none.
To go home and tell his wife that I was rubbish, did nothing and was the reason he was ‘late’, or to buy him a coffee out of my own money and not offer to pay for them or pay for his one. Have your cake and eat it too. Go home a hero.
Though it hurts, and though i am scarred, i will forgive him in time, and will feel guilty and inadequate for not living up to how i wanted and thought things should go, and worry about what others will say, when they learnt that things were not done perfectly and that they were not completed (due to things out of my control), that i can't even go to a job on my own and get it done.
Perhaps,God is trying to teach me that people are not as good as I think that they are, or that they are all better than me.
I think that would help me, if it was true.
Anyway, after all is said and done, I know that it is better to be in my shoes as miserable and wretched, and wounded and small as i am and believing in Christ; than to be him or them and as big as the world, believing themselves to be Christ.
God bless them and anyone reading this, I hope that it helps you.
Today, i was called a stupid pillock,by someone who thinks he is my friend.
I am like all humans, i suffer. If i act badly, it is through my own weakness. I believe that i am different from one day to the next.
God wants to make me stronger and some days he lifts me out of His protecting hand and allows the demons to get to me. All to make me stronger.
But it is hard.
After a bad day, i want to go home and retreat. Spend my time drinking and playing video games ‘til it is late enough to go to bed. Then ill stay up watching youtube videos until late. Then i will hit the snooze button three times in the morning and go back to work.
I think inadequacy is one of the main ways the demons get to me. I have an idea of who i should be,or how much/ how fast and competently i should do something at work, and get hurt when i don’t live up to it.
Learning that I am not in control of how my day goes; and knowing that who/what I think I am is irrelevant and foolish. God made the world in six days, and I think that he can’t make me to fail?
I can make things go the way i want/ expect them to go. Doing all and doing all well and better than others so that finally they stop tormenting me and i feel like a hero.
Please!
I need humbling, but humbling is hard to take.
And,
Demons make people blind.
I spent today feeling my ‘friends’ recalcitrance towards staying longer and doing a better job and I allowed it to affect everything that I did. So that i felt panicked, rushed and bad
Trying to please others so that I am liked.
Then, when about to leave, after driving three hours to my destination, I drive three hours back, whilst he sits as a passenger. Only to call me a stupid pillock with no compassion and no empathy.
All the while (him) believing that he didn't mind doing extra, or staying longer, or that i really did want to drive, in total, six and a half hours, whilst he did none.
To go home and tell his wife that I was rubbish, did nothing and was the reason he was ‘late’, or to buy him a coffee out of my own money and not offer to pay for them or pay for his one. Have your cake and eat it too. Go home a hero.
Though it hurts, and though i am scarred, i will forgive him in time, and will feel guilty and inadequate for not living up to how i wanted and thought things should go, and worry about what others will say, when they learnt that things were not done perfectly and that they were not completed (due to things out of my control), that i can't even go to a job on my own and get it done.
Perhaps,God is trying to teach me that people are not as good as I think that they are, or that they are all better than me.
I think that would help me, if it was true.
Anyway, after all is said and done, I know that it is better to be in my shoes as miserable and wretched, and wounded and small as i am and believing in Christ; than to be him or them and as big as the world, believing themselves to be Christ.
God bless them and anyone reading this, I hope that it helps you.
