Well, I'm back after an even longer absence. So hiiii.
I'm not in a very good headspace right now. Really struggling with thoughts like:
- "I deserve all the pain I'm in."
- "I should cut."
- "I should just stop eating since I'm so fat and ugly."
- "I am a horrible person and deserve to die."
- "I deserved the sexual abuse."
I don't know where these thoughts are coming from as I was doing so much better earlier today... but now they're here and they're intrusive and nasty and mean. And I can't get them out of my head. I am trying so hard to distract, and also to write them out of my head - hopefully - but I don't know if that will work.
Anyway, updates since last being here...
- I graduated college with a Bachelor's in psychology, counseling track, with an overall GPA of 3.7. Not as awesome as I'd hoped and I'm still bummed about how poorly I did my final semester (otherwise my GPA would've been a little over a 3.8).
- I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, or fibro, as I'll call it. Chronic pain/fatigue, and I have found no one who will treat me. Currently hanging on by my fingertips and seeing my GP for meds like Lyrica (just started) and Neurontin (just stopped since it wasn't helping). Nothing makes the pain better. Aleve is the best OTC pain med for it and even taking 2 pills barely touches the pain. It helps with headaches or whatever, but not the body pain.
- I am 16 months completely SI (self injury) free as of yesterday.
- I am almost a year free of persistant and planned eating disordered behavior.
- I quit therapy today and my first thought was, "I'm a free woman, yo!!" Not quite sure what to think of that. It wasn't like therapy was holding me back or anything, and now I have practically no one to talk with about my issues, but then again, my therapist was rarely there for me anyway.
- I've been married for 3 years as of 11 October to the love of my life. He's truly awesome and a blessing and I'm so glad to have married him. God's truly blessed me with him, if not vise versa. Heh.
I'm sure there's more but my brain isn't cooperating very well with me right now. Too busy fighting off those ucky thoughts.
Gonna go... do something distracting. Like read, or browse my Tumblr, or CF, or something.
I'm not in a very good headspace right now. Really struggling with thoughts like:
- "I deserve all the pain I'm in."
- "I should cut."
- "I should just stop eating since I'm so fat and ugly."
- "I am a horrible person and deserve to die."
- "I deserved the sexual abuse."
I don't know where these thoughts are coming from as I was doing so much better earlier today... but now they're here and they're intrusive and nasty and mean. And I can't get them out of my head. I am trying so hard to distract, and also to write them out of my head - hopefully - but I don't know if that will work.
Anyway, updates since last being here...
- I graduated college with a Bachelor's in psychology, counseling track, with an overall GPA of 3.7. Not as awesome as I'd hoped and I'm still bummed about how poorly I did my final semester (otherwise my GPA would've been a little over a 3.8).
- I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, or fibro, as I'll call it. Chronic pain/fatigue, and I have found no one who will treat me. Currently hanging on by my fingertips and seeing my GP for meds like Lyrica (just started) and Neurontin (just stopped since it wasn't helping). Nothing makes the pain better. Aleve is the best OTC pain med for it and even taking 2 pills barely touches the pain. It helps with headaches or whatever, but not the body pain.
- I am 16 months completely SI (self injury) free as of yesterday.
- I am almost a year free of persistant and planned eating disordered behavior.
- I quit therapy today and my first thought was, "I'm a free woman, yo!!" Not quite sure what to think of that. It wasn't like therapy was holding me back or anything, and now I have practically no one to talk with about my issues, but then again, my therapist was rarely there for me anyway.
- I've been married for 3 years as of 11 October to the love of my life. He's truly awesome and a blessing and I'm so glad to have married him. God's truly blessed me with him, if not vise versa. Heh.
I'm sure there's more but my brain isn't cooperating very well with me right now. Too busy fighting off those ucky thoughts.
Gonna go... do something distracting. Like read, or browse my Tumblr, or CF, or something.
