It all came back to me today.
The sexual assault/molestation/whatever you want to call it.
In a flood.
I can't explain it. It hurt.
And I am scared. So scared that it's going to come back again, in a rush, and hurt me yet more.
It's been years. Three years since the last time. And still... it hurts. I feel dirty. I feel used. I feel utterly overwhelmed by the thought of having to eventually deal with this instead of stuffing it back into a little box in my brain.
I should let my T know that I am struggling with this again. Except then she is going to want to do EMDR to try and find the root... and I am so scared of doing that!! The fear is too great for me to break through and head for healing.
I thought I forgave those guys. Guess I didn't.
So long ago.
And the weird thing is... either SA is more common than I thought, or else I just associate with a lot of people who have been sexually assaulted/abused/molested.
I feel Rubbishy.
The sexual assault/molestation/whatever you want to call it.
In a flood.
I can't explain it. It hurt.
And I am scared. So scared that it's going to come back again, in a rush, and hurt me yet more.
It's been years. Three years since the last time. And still... it hurts. I feel dirty. I feel used. I feel utterly overwhelmed by the thought of having to eventually deal with this instead of stuffing it back into a little box in my brain.
I should let my T know that I am struggling with this again. Except then she is going to want to do EMDR to try and find the root... and I am so scared of doing that!! The fear is too great for me to break through and head for healing.
I thought I forgave those guys. Guess I didn't.
So long ago.
And the weird thing is... either SA is more common than I thought, or else I just associate with a lot of people who have been sexually assaulted/abused/molested.
I feel Rubbishy.
