yeaux-yeaux emotional ride

[over the rainbow]

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[mjmcmillan]

You're not alone in that. I fancy we all have been there and done that. It is a confusing ride, now that you mention it.

I'm still checking my emotions, it goes with the territory. First, while the abuse was happening it became a matter of getting through it without going ballistic myself. That never would have done, I've seen enough "Cops" shows to know how that would play out. Secondly, there's the fact that I'm male and it seems men just don't do emotions well--- especially the negative ones. Sure, I get sad and depressed, but how to get that out without making everyone around you, including yourself, uneasy--- well, I just have to "man up" and get on with it. Breaking down and crying it out is a non-starter for most men unless things get really super-serious.

Third, a bit of experience. Some years back, I almost let anger run away with me. Suddenly, I felt something wrong and immediately had to back down for my own good. I think I was dangerously close to a stroke at that moment. So, checking emotions like that became a matter of survival. I haven't had such a strong emotion since, seems I really shut something down that day.

 

[Criada]

I know how you feel, sweetie, I think it is 'normal'.. whatever that means!
I have days when I just can't think straight.
One thing that helped a great deal was EMDR therapy... it helped to reprocess the traumatic memories and reduced the flashbacks a lot.
it might be worth asking your therapist about it.

Praying for you, sweetie.. for peace and security in the midst of the confusion, and for healing and recovery.

 

[myanchor]

BUT, do make sure you have some really supportive people around when you do the EMDR. I liken to my person being a building in tension, like the Jenga game. Parts were missing or in strange places and the building was creaking all the time. When the tension was released in some places, some things fell as the rest shifted around. I went truly bughouse nuts and it took a lot of prayer, some really good books and time to become truly stable.

I am a much better person, but the whole edifice can come crashing down. You need to be safe when you do come flying apart. In residence treatment might be an option there.

 

[over the rainbow]

x

 

[myanchor]

Wow, Cindy, I can't say what I would like to do that guy. I would be banned for life and they would probably send a spike to burn up my computer. At the least he should lose his license.

And please understand there have been studies that seem to show the amygdala, the seat of emotions is permanently changed by abuse. Makes you hyper-reactive.

 

[BlessEwe]

I am not sure if you have been through this already, but I know everything came crashing in during pre-menopause. It was like I was forced to make peace with my past, and the emotional roller coaster was very scary for me. In recovery I finally found a way to let go, forgive the people ( not meaning what they did was right) but I forgave them for my own peace, turned it over to God and let it all go. There are things I don't remember, if it comes up well then it another layer of me God wants to work on.
For once in my life I have found the peace and no longer have to drag that heavy baggage with me anymore and post menopause is wonderful LOL..There are groups called emotional anonymous ( perhaps google that) there are groups working the steps for this.

 

[BlessEwe]

I am not sure if you have been through this already, but I know everything came crashing in during pre-menopause. It was like I was forced to make peace with my past, and the emotional roller coaster was very scary for me. In recovery I finally found a way to let go, forgive the people ( not meaning what they did was right) but I forgave them for my own peace, turned it over to God and let it all go. There are things I don't remember, if it comes up well then it another layer of me God wants to work on.
For once in my life I have found the peace and no longer have to drag that heavy baggage with me anymore and post menopause is wonderful LOL..There are groups called emotional anonymous ( perhaps google that) there are groups working the steps for this.

Drawing and painting would be excellent






~~*~~

 

[over the rainbow]

x

 

[Johnnz]

Corked up emotions can suddenly come out in a torrent and be quite overwhelming. But they are real, they have been operating powerfully but underground and need addressing. That's where therapy gets worse before it gets better! And why some support around you can be so helpful.

So, it's good that you are experiencing those emotions. That means you are on your way.

John
NZ

 

[over the rainbow]

x

 

[Johnnz]

Look at it as like an iceberg slowly melting. You are being 'unfrozen' by the nice people you meet. That's scary, what your therapist said is right, and there may be a fear that if nice people found out what you are really like then they would not like you and maybe start hurting you.

It's also possible that some people were initially nice to you and then ended up really hurting you. That makes things very confusing and risky for you.

John
NZ

 

[Criada]

Sweetie, I know it hurts now, but recovery is a journey, and you are at the beginning of it. It *will* get easier, in time. I'm praying for you, sister. Hang on to God and He will get you through the hard bit.

 

[myanchor]

My joy now is unalloyed with pain. It took me a good while to get here, but now I am. I can be disappointed and hurt, but I can see where they have things eating at them too. It is worth the pain to change. No one will change until the pain of not changing is greater than the pain of not changing.

 

[over the rainbow]

x

 

[Johnnz]

Changing is hard ,especially when a very painful past is involved. But we can all see how you are making progress. You are being very brave and very honest. Always remember, Jesus is on your side. He is walking right alongside of you.

John
NZ

 

[over the rainbow]

x

 

[Criada]

It's so good to hear that, Cindy, thank you for sharing it with us. It is obvious just from reading your posts that you've changed hugely in the past few months.
I'm so glad that the guilt has gone, it's a crippling emotion, and you don't need to carry that around.
Still praying for you, sister.

 

[over the rainbow]

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