Hi Mistia,
I have had major upheavel in my life since January and am now finally beginning to settle down in a new home.
When you say that you have had a major upheavel, is that a family upheavel?
When you said that you are no settling down in a new home, have you left home or are you in care?
I have not been to Church since Christmas and yesterday did something stupid, something I didn't think I would ever do. The Bible forbids it but because I have been feeling so miserable, lost and helpless I stupidly thought it would help.
All forbidden sins can be confessed and repented, and ask HIM for forgiveness, and we do it verbally and not in our mind. We speak it out from our heart, have you confessed and repented this forbidden sin that you feel so ashame of?
The enemy is always behind guilt and shame!
I want The Lord back in my life but I am too ashamed to face him, will he want me back or is it too late?
Well, you can face HIM, when you have confessed and repented that forbidden sin, repent means that you will do it no more.
When we struggle with problems, they can turn into strongholds, and those strongholds are hard to shake and need good, solide Spiritual Warfare to overcome and conquer. You can't do that by "SELF". You need someone to turn to, a good mentor. Best you go back to church and when the pastor offers prayer for those who need prayer, run to the front and confess and repent you sin to him, and then ask our Lord Jesus Christ for forgiveness.
HE loves you, and knows why and how, but the main thing about confession and repentance is to take that land back from the enemy, and cut of any spiritual connection to that sin.
Be strong in our Lord Jesus Christ, it's the enemy who is making you feel dirty.
Be blessed in Jesus' Name.