Im not going to hold anything back in this. imma say it how it is.
I turned to Christ in August 2022. Just over one year ago. Before that I was an atheist desperate in disproving the existence of God. Jesus found me in the dumps and pulled me out. A year and a half later I am still throwing dirt in God's face and sinning quite frequently. My life has adapted a cycle.
Lust
Beg for forgiveness
Move on adamant I wont do it again
Do it again 2 days later
Repeat.
I have tried everything. I have walked away, gone outside, called up a friend, whatever. No matter what I do I give in. I just stop caring in the moment. I essentially flip God off and say "eh he will forgive me later". I just did that now.
A verse comes to mind:
See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears. (Hebrews 12:15–17)
I think I may have just done this. I feel cold inside. Helpless. Finished. I never even really got to know God and Ive gone and sinned one too many times. I don't blame God for this. He was good to me, forgiven me more times then I can count. And all I did was tell him to go away, that a couple minutes of pleasure was better then all he could offer. I wish I could go back and do it differently, but as the verse says, I can cry to the high heavens, but no-one will hear.
I turned to Christ in August 2022. Just over one year ago. Before that I was an atheist desperate in disproving the existence of God. Jesus found me in the dumps and pulled me out. A year and a half later I am still throwing dirt in God's face and sinning quite frequently. My life has adapted a cycle.
Lust
Beg for forgiveness
Move on adamant I wont do it again
Do it again 2 days later
Repeat.
I have tried everything. I have walked away, gone outside, called up a friend, whatever. No matter what I do I give in. I just stop caring in the moment. I essentially flip God off and say "eh he will forgive me later". I just did that now.
A verse comes to mind:
See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears. (Hebrews 12:15–17)
I think I may have just done this. I feel cold inside. Helpless. Finished. I never even really got to know God and Ive gone and sinned one too many times. I don't blame God for this. He was good to me, forgiven me more times then I can count. And all I did was tell him to go away, that a couple minutes of pleasure was better then all he could offer. I wish I could go back and do it differently, but as the verse says, I can cry to the high heavens, but no-one will hear.