What To Do

[Manda_24]

I have a guy friend who I have known since about kindergarten. We are going to school now in different states, we email each other often and keep in touch. We are both off for Christmas break and back home but I have to start again before he does. I like him and have for several years, I want him to know how I feel but I don't know how to tell him. I think he likes me aslo, whenever we are together I often catch him looking over at me and then he smiles he does other little things that make me think he does too.
Do you think I should say something to him? If so how and what?

 

[drdeancrosby]

He sure seems shy.That's an indication that he has low self-esteem.Such people don't accept compliments because they don't think they deserve them.If you tell him you like him,you're likely to create fear in his mind.Shy people don't want to get close to people.It causes them anxiety because they fear others will detect the inferiority they feel.Remaining friendly but not loving and certainly not possessive is the best way to respond to him.Affection will scare him away most likely.

 

[desi]

Ask him how he would know if a girl liked him in a romantic way. Then do what he explained.

 

[Manda_24]

drdeancrosby He is not shy and he is very outgoing.

Thanks Desi I really want to say something to him the next time I see him (most likely Sunday)

 

[drdeancrosby]

Big mistake.Guys are turned of by aggressive females in spite of what they teach you in WOMEN'S LIB 101.If he's outgoing he's going to be attracted to girls who are shy.

 

[desi]

drdeancrosby He is not shy and he is very outgoing.

Thanks Desi I really want to say something to him the next time I see him (most likely Sunday)

You're welcome, good luck!

 

[mamaneenie]

Big mistake.Guys are turned of by aggressive females in spite of what they teach you in WOMEN'S LIB 101.If he's outgoing he's going to be attracted to girls who are shy.

Not necessarily true.

Also, if you don't say something you'll never know how he feels. I think if you just say something without putting pressure on him to have feelings for you, most guys I know would be flattered.

 

[joyinchrist]

I agree, I am dating a great guy right now who is super outgoing, but for some reason watied like two years to ask me out... you dont have to be all agressive, I never was, but it never hurts to take a risk... you could always just tell him that you feel attracted to him and let him go from there... once you say something like that anyhow, you'll probably know how he feels, if he is smiling ear to ear he's totally into you, if he is awkward, welll.... not so much a good sign!

 

[retooferab]

Maintain your eye contact with him and smile! If he's still not "getting it," then just tell him you'd be interested in moving your relationship outside of the group setting so you can have more of his attention for yourself. I mean, you are 24 years old... seems that some honest communication is appropriate.

And Dr. Dean: If you jump to one more conclusion you'll have to ice your knees! Wow!

 

[Bookman]

Why not just invite him over for dinner after church? I'd advise keeping the friendship going until he expresses some interest in taking it farther.

 

[Angeldove97]

Sure going on a harm-less date...get pizza and rent a movie, go to the theater, etc...won't hurt the relationship. Plus if he doesn't like you, then you can just say it was a get together and nothing more and no hurt feelings. At least you'll get a trustworthy friendship out of it. And if you've known him for this long, why is it so hard to tell him your feelings? lol *blush* It's okay I understand. Love, Tanya

 

[Manda_24]

retooferab I am not 24 Manda was already taken and my favorite number (and old basketball number) is 24. Sorry. We are in college but only 18

 

[peggysue17]

i totally agree with mamaneenie!!! it is a risk but youll never now until you ask!

 

[JctchicK]

If I were you, I would just give him the same signals he's giving you, because that we neither of you will feel pressured since you are just doing what he is doing. If he he sees you like his responses, he might show more obviously that he likes u... or something like that! lol

 

[retooferab]

Sorry, Manda, my bad! Pretty funny me griping about jumping to conclusions, huh? HAHAHAHA! Wow! I think I'll still stick with my advise, though, even though you're NOT 24. Isn't it weird that in romance the usual "rules" seem not to apply about communicating directly? Just can't get the emotion out of it, I guess. Anyway, how'd it go yesterday?

 

[Manda_24]

retooferab
I didn't get to talk to hm at all Sunday, he was going out to eat with his family and then going back to college early. I dont' know when the next time I will be able to talk to him is.

 

[William Nunn]

Manda, i gave this same advice in another topic, but I will here too. Be confident, and be the aggressor. if this guy is shy, he will LOVE the fact that you approached him first, and perhaps all he needs is that little glimmer of hope that you like him.

There's never anything wrong with putting yourself out there when it comes to wondering if someone likes you. It is scary, sure, and it takes a few tries to get used to it. But even IF you do it multiple times and you never get a bite, people will respect and admire your confidence, and they may change their opinions of you for the better! So my advice would be to go after this guy, and to have confidence in yourself.

 

[retooferab]

Well, #24, how's it going? Any developments?

 

[Lilly of the Valley]

You should tell him how you feel. He obviously likes you. If you feel weird telling him face to face, tell him in a card or letter.

 

[Yitzchak]

I second the suggestion of a card or letter. That is an eefective way to let him know that you have some potential romantic interest without totally putting him on ther spot. That way he can think it over privately and respond in a way that he is comfortable with. While there is nothing wrong with the more direct approach of just straight asking him out, the card method is definitely a more gentle way to introduce the subject.