What is a good cheap anniversary gift?

[desi]

Something to tell her I care but not that much. I basically want her to accept the gift and not complain as complaining wastes my time. I am a very busy man who has more important things to do than waste time outdoing myself to make her jealous, lazy self happy. She's a good mother but a poor to mediocre wife.

Any suggestions?

 

[mkgal1]

Something to tell her I care but not that much. I basically want her to accept the gift and not complain as complaining wastes my time. I am a very busy man who has more important things to do than waste time outdoing myself to make her jealous, lazy self happy. She's a good mother but a poor to mediocre wife.

Any suggestions?

I hope you're joking....or being sarcastic....or just trying to see what sort of reaction this will get.

At first, I thought this post was a matter of poor grammar. As I was reading, I was thinking...."Surely he meant to say...that shows her how much I care....but, doesn't COST that much." But....in reading more....I see that is NOT what you meant.

If you have more important things to do, then I wouldn't expect any more in return than what you are getting right now.....because it sounds to me like you are just getting back what you have put into the marriage.

 

[mkgal1]

The Scriptures describe the love between a husband and a wife as a fire. This is how the Shulamite, in the Song of Solomon, described her love relationship with her husband. She said, "...For love is as strong as death, jealousy as cruel as the grave; Its flames are flames of fire, a most vehement flame" (Song of Solomon 8:6). Her love for Solomon was a passionate fire in her soul. She compared her love to the strongest and most powerful forces she knew: the power of death and the power of the flame. These two metaphors are descriptions for the strength and passion of marital love.

First, consider the comparison of love to the strength of death. This is a great illustration because death is so powerful and all consuming. Death takes everyone sooner or later. It never gives up. This same love was demonstrated by Christ. He loved you to the point of death. His strong love drove Him to sacrificially lay His life down. His love is tenacious. He is still pursuing you today. At this moment, His eyes are looking to and fro throughout the whole earth to find willing and loyal hearts. He wants to show Himself strong on their behalf (2 Chron. 16:9). Is your heart willing? God wants to give you His strong, persistent love for your spouse; a love that is totally committed.

Consider the second illustration of love as a fire that burns in the soul. In Scripture, salvation is described as "a lamp that burns" (Is. 62:1). Salvation is primarily a love relationship between you and the Father. The great commandment declares, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind" (Matt. 22:37). Your heart becomes a lamp that burns with the fire of His love. Again, this illustration is fitting because you are also called to be a light to the world. The love of Christ is the light the world is looking for. His love in you is what makes you a bright light. Jesus called John the Baptist a "burning and shining lamp" (John 5:35). Why? Because he had this intense love and passion for God.

These metaphors also relate to how love dies in your marriage. The illustration of the fire is most important. Each of you has stood by a fire at one time or another, and you know very well what causes a fire to die out. It happens in only one of two ways.

One way a fire goes out is by your inaction. If you fail to watch and stoke the fire with more wood, what happens? The fire slowly goes out. This is also what happens in your marriage. Your inaction to love and to show attentiveness to your spouse will surely kill your love relationship. Your spouse will see this inaction and determine that you really don't care.

What Causes Love To Die In Your Marriage?

 

[desi]

Yes yes, love is like fire. That is why I married. As Paul said, it is better to marry than burn from lust. So I married a decent woman and had many children with her. Now I support them. The most annoying aspect of that is dealing with annoying complaints. So I try to think ahead to head off those complaints. Hence the thread here. Putting out little fires, as my friend likes to put it.

 

[mkgal1]

You married ONLY because you lusted? Is that what you are saying? And you found someone "decent"?

Have you ever thought about what you mean when you say the words, I love you to your spouse? In counseling, people regularly declare their love for their mate. However, if the person making this profession of love is struggling in their marriage I usually ask them to define the word love for me. I ask for this definition because I have found that many couples struggle with loving each other in two ways. The first is that they usually don’t understand the practical actions that are involved in loving another. The second problem is much worse. Once a person knows how to love their mate, they simply choose not to act on this knowledge. This failure to walk in love is the most common cause of problems in a marriage. Therefore, test your knowledge of what it means to love and determine if you are behaving in a manner that is helping or hindering your relationship.

Why is this examination of your behavior so important? It’s very simple. The way in which you love your mate will directly affect the way he or she will love you. Jesus said, "So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them," (Matt. 7:12). Therefore, if you want your spouse to sincerely love you, you first must be actively loving your mate. You may already be thinking, But he or she is not loving me. That may be true, but your only responsibility before God is to deal with your own behavior. You can’t change your spouse, but you can influence them by how you behave. Ask yourself if you love in this manner.


What It Means To Love Your Spouse

 

[Vasallus]

Gee with an OP like that, a divorce would be a great gift.

 

[desi]

You married ONLY because you lusted? Is that what you are saying? And you found someone "decent"?

Have you ever thought about what you mean when you say the words, I love you to your spouse? In counseling, people regularly declare their love for their mate. However, if the person making this profession of love is struggling in their marriage I usually ask them to define the word love for me. I ask for this definition because I have found that many couples struggle with loving each other in two ways. The first is that they usually don’t understand the practical actions that are involved in loving another. The second problem is much worse. Once a person knows how to love their mate, they simply choose not to act on this knowledge. This failure to walk in love is the most common cause of problems in a marriage. Therefore, test your knowledge of what it means to love and determine if you are behaving in a manner that is helping or hindering your relationship.

Why is this examination of your behavior so important? It’s very simple. The way in which you love your mate will directly affect the way he or she will love you. Jesus said, "Whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them" (Matt. 7:12). Therefore, if you want your spouse to sincerely love you, you first must be actively loving your mate. You may already be thinking, But he or she is not loving me. That may be true, but your only responsibility before God is to deal with your own behavior. You can’t change your spouse, but you can influence them by how you behave. Ask yourself if you love in this manner.


What It Means To Love Your Spouse

Jesus was talking about men. My wife is a woman. A hot one too. She is nothing like the men I know so I treat her differently than them.

 

[desi]

Gee with an OP like that, a divorce would be a great gift.

Don't be absurd. Divorce is out of the question. Besides, its cheaper to keep her. Especially with all those chirren.

 

[mkgal1]

Jesus was talking about men. My wife is a woman. A hot one too. She is nothing like the men I know so I treat her differently than them.

Are you serious?? It sounds like you treat her with not much more than contempt....and an object of your pleasure.

 

[c1ners]

With a husband like you she must feel very loved and cherished.

 

[dallasapple]

Something to tell her I care but not that much. I basically want her to accept the gift and not complain as complaining wastes my time. I am a very busy man who has more important things to do than waste time outdoing myself to make her jealous, lazy self happy. She's a good mother but a poor to mediocre wife.

Any suggestions?

I have a great gift idea..you could print out this thread..and it would show that even though you are a very busy man with little time to waste on her..you took the time to come here and make such thoughtful posts expressing how you really feel about her and "those kids" which Im assuming you are the father of?

Im sure she would love to hear you think she is a good mother and a mediocre wife..mediocre after all is better than below average.As well as Im sure she would love to be reminded what you married her for and that she is still in your eyes "hot"..

We just had our 23rd anniversary..My husband and I just told each other happy anniversary on that day and together we baby sat "that grandchild" of ours together....but the next week he got me a kitten..whom I ADORE...and so does he..But that took time and thought(and money he is a pure bred Bangle) including and 3 hour round trip to pick the kitty up..Plus I dont know if your wife loves animals like I do..

Good luck!

Dallas

 

[dallasapple]

O.K my husband is a very great gift giver to me..hes always very creative and "thoughtful"..so I read him your OP..

His response was IMMEDIATE(hes gifted I said)..he said to just get a crayon and a piece of paper and write "I love you " on it..He said also if you do this during the day you can use natural sunlight and not be wasting any money on electricity to make the gift..ALSO he was assuming that 'those kids" already have crayons and paper so you already bought and paid for that..so in a way ..it totally free..! Plus that would only take you maybe 30 to 90 seconds to do so very little time OR thought involved.. In fact its my husbands idea so that will be "free' too.

Dallas

 

[dallasapple]

Oh and I thought of using a "red" crayon..red is the color of love..(or it can also be anger so you get both in one)...but he said no..it doesnt matter what color..any old color will do..the point is its cheap..and takes little thought or time.

Dallas

 

[FaithPrevails]

The gift of having a husband who actually cares about her and desires to spend time with her would be priceless....but it doesn't seem that you would be willing to pay that much.

I will be praying for your marriage.

 

[Athene]

Yes yes, love is like fire. That is why I married. As Paul said, it is better to marry than burn from lust. So I married a decent woman and had many children with her. Now I support them. The most annoying aspect of that is dealing with annoying complaints. So I try to think ahead to head off those complaints. Hence the thread here. Putting out little fires, as my friend likes to put it.

Yes, it is generally expected for a parent to support their children. What kind of annoying complaints do you deal with?

 

[Speculative]

Is one of the kids a daughter? Since she was about 10 or 11, I've taken my daughter a lot of times to help me shop for my wife. She's helped me pick out some reasonably price jewelry and clothing for my wife from time to time. Maybe that'll help.

 

[mkgal1]

That's a great idea, Speculative......IF he really wanted to get a gift for reasons other than to avoid complaints.

Personally.....I am offended at gifts when I know they are given under a sense of duress and that disdain shows. It's sort of an insult, I guess....as if to say that material things will make the other things better. So really.....the complaints may come either way. Sorry.....I guess a guy can never win.

 

[Oblivious]

The gift of having a husband who actually cares about her and desires to spend time with her would be priceless....but it doesn't seem that you would be willing to pay that much.

No doubt.

I'd take the OP with a grain of salt, though. I have a hard time taking threads like this seriously. Sometimes I wonder if people just start threads like this trying to get a rise out of people....

 

[dorig59]

Can anyone say "Autumn Leaf"?

 

[c1ners]

Can anyone say "Autumn Leaf"?

lol! That's exactly what I was thinking!