What do you do to control 'meltdowns'?

[ThePurpleFlower]

Meltdowns-as in the times when everything just seems...wrong (that's how I try to describe it to my husband). In order to be functional in the world, AS people have to figure out some way of dealing with crashes. Have you? How? If you manage to sidestep them, again, how?

 

[TwilightGirlKay]

I try to get away from everything and get on the computer, listen to muisc, or watch tv/movie.
I find that I need to just get away from everything and relax before I can deal with it anymore.

 

[ThePurpleFlower]

Yeah, music is often a great help for me as well. My Mom raised me that any sort of emotional outburst was bad=wrong=incorrect. Plus, my father was prone to emotional outbursts, as was my brother, and the sort of "shockwave" from theirs helped me to keep any meltdowns inside. But it always has to come out eventually. Even now, it's difficult when I'm at work and there's a really loud sound or something else disquieting. I've learned to "scream inside", to just imagine myself screaming my lungs out inside my head. And I pray a lot to God for strength and peace. And I run. For some reason, the repetitive motion of running really helps me calm down. Plus, I can listen to music while I'm doing it.

 

[flowerforever7]

wow, I can relate to learning how to scream inside your head. I have done this many times. right now I am in a place where I am not working, and I am staying with someone in a very quiet area. God knows I so needed the break. before I was living with two roommates in a noisy city, and working a full time job. i had numerous meltdowns. everything was so hard, from boiling a pot of water in the kitchen b/c roommates are there making noise or moving around me, to thinking, to doing other simple tasks. i remember i constantly forgot that one of the bills we had existed. i remember sitting on the floor and sobbing in a meltdown because something small fell through, I think it was with someone taking me to a certain grocery store, and my bills getting messed up, and not being able to have all my money for rent. it seemed like my life consisted of carefully lined up dominos, and when one thing would get out of place, like having to make an alternate plan, one domino would fall sending all the other ones crashing down in front of it. that felt like my life. on top of having trouble articulating it to people.. rrg.. hard stuff. i am thankful that right now i have a bit of peace, i know that i am going to most likely have functional problems again once i get working and there is more noise, stress, etc., but hopefully it wont be so bad now, as i am in a suburban area with a roommate who is almost never home instead of a city with two noisy roommates. i hear you though about the meltdowns though; even on a small scale i get more frusterated over things i have heard people commonly say stuff to me like "this is not that complicated, why are you getting so frusterated".. if anyone has found a way to deal with meltdowns effectively i want to know too how to do that, i imagine i may be facing some more in the future

 

[C-Man]

There's not a lot I can do except leave the room and wait for it to stop.

 

[teejayinau]

I used to get meltdowns occasionally when I was extremely stressed and frustrated. However I have not had a meltdown for nearly 2 years now.

However the Holy Spirit changing me helped to have a different perspective on things. Preventing the sort of emotions being generated that lead to a meltdown.

 

[blanning]

Meltdowns-as in the times when everything just seems...wrong (that's how I try to describe it to my husband). In order to be functional in the world, AS people have to figure out some way of dealing with crashes. Have you? How? If you manage to sidestep them, again, how?

I think meltdowns are caused by these steps:

1. You run into problems which cause negative emotions. Then either you miss the negative emotion entirely, or you see it, but aren't sure what to do about it. So you ignore them. You either ignore the bad feelings, or you do the switch-off-the-emotions thing. Over time, it builds because of #2.

2. You fail to seek help for your problems. This is mainly because the option to seek help never occurs to you. Or it may be because you don't trust anyone enough to seek help. Regardless, your problems don't get resolved.

3. Eventually, you run into the straw that breaks the camel's back. You can no longer accumulate any more "stress" and snap. This leaves everyone scratching their head as to why spilling a drink or getting a bill in the mail is enough to freak you freak out like that.

To me, everything that can go wrong has an associated number of "stress points" The amounts are different for everyone. And everyone has a different threshold. For example, being sick is good for maybe 30 points. An annoying stimulus like flickering lights or bad acoustics is good for maybe 40 points, etc. When you get to 100, you snap. But maybe someone else can get to 120 or only 80.

The trick for me is to identify which things have significant stress points, and address them immediately. And if I don't know how to address them, I ask my wife for help. Auditory problems for me result in earplugs which helps me a lot. Sometimes, it's just removing me from the bad environment. Other times, it's just understanding, which is where help and communication come in.

Frequently, we misunderstand all sorts of social things. We might think someone is mad at us for some reason, when really we misunderstood what was happening... they were really just having a bad day. I used to think my wife was getting mad at me all the time. Each time I thought that, it was good for maybe 20 or 30 stress points. We didn't talk about it, I just thought she was mad. But she wasn't at all. She had no idea I thought that so she didn't say anything. Now, I verify everything with her. If I think she's mad, I immediately ask her if she is.

Everything I think or feel gets immediately translated into words so she can validate or invalidate what I'm thinking. This tells her my state of mind which allows her to adjust her reactions to things to compensate for for my bad days. And it also gives me feedback so I can learn to better interpret all the non-verbal stuff both from her and from other people. Over time, this has really reduced the accumulation of stress points to where I almost never have meltdowns now. And the ones I have are much more mild. I see them coming and make changes to fix the situation before it gets to that point.

Does this make any sense?

brian

 

[flowerforever7]

Brian,

I like your system of stress points, it seems like it would make accumulating problems more manageable.

I agree with what you are saying on not seeking help for problems, also another reason, maybe this is true for others, is also the fear of not having complete information available when speaking with a person in real time. For example, I will have a conversation with an NT and they will ask me questions in real time, and I leave out vast amounts of information because it does not appear in my brain until later or afterwards, then if I bring it up again because I remembered it can look like I am picking at an issue when I am not, just some information did not occur to me to mention while talking.

I hear what you're saying about misunderstanding social things; I find it hard to understand what people really think of me, and have trouble knowing if people like me or not from one day to the next

 

[jamiethesilent]

I try to find a stable, controlable enviroment that I am used to (a computer in my case) and get abosrbed in it......

 

[JCFantasy23]

I also try to distract myself with something like the computer, a book, music. That's the only thing that really helps. Extreme stress can mean sleep.

 

[MattyD]

My meltdowns can be triggered by the smallest of things (In actuality, it is the mounting pressures that are released by the seemingly small trigger(s), I believe). Nonetheless, the trigger produces a cascading feeling of powerlessness, hopelessness and shaken nerves.

Generally, I cope with these by retreating to my bedroom and laying on the bed until it passes. Occasionally I will take a nerve medication as prescribed by my doctor for such times.

 

[river1]

when I see my daughter is winding up to a meltdown I roll her on a gym ball (some people call them swiss balls), the movement seems to calm her down.

 

[dayhiker]

Here's a couple of things I do.

Small things I have developed a way of letting the feeling run out of me. Like seeing water run out only its letting the emotion/feeling of the situation run out.


But when the biggest feelings over being overwelmed come, I like so many have said liek to get some quiet time. But that isn't always possible. So I know have another technique. I noticed when I was this overwelmed I was usually seeing the big picture with 20 to 100 things poping into my head. I couldn't make sense of that much data at once. So now I pick some small thing in that large group. I obsess on doing that one things and get it done. That gives me a good feeling and then I can pick the next thing from the group and work on that. I may not get all thing things deal with and figured out right then .. but I've made progress and feel I can then set it aside for a while and take a break. This I often use at work. But it helps me when I feel overwelmed with getting the apartment I just bought ready to be rented out.


Sometimes I realize I can't keep going all the time. Like a machine that needs meintence I need down time to get prepared, stable for what's coming next. So there is prevenitive meintence. It work that is done before a maching breaks down so it wouldn't break down. I try to do that with my life. Even before I need to, I take a walk, stop and relax .. say a few prayers... talk with someone about their weekend ... something simple I can handle .. then go back to the high pressure.

 

[schrodingers_cat_lives]

Yeah, music is often a great help for me as well. My Mom raised me that any sort of emotional outburst was bad=wrong=incorrect. Plus, my father was prone to emotional outbursts, as was my brother, and the sort of "shockwave" from theirs helped me to keep any meltdowns inside. But it always has to come out eventually. Even now, it's difficult when I'm at work and there's a really loud sound or something else disquieting. I've learned to "scream inside", to just imagine myself screaming my lungs out inside my head. And I pray a lot to God for strength and peace. And I run. For some reason, the repetitive motion of running really helps me calm down. Plus, I can listen to music while I'm doing it.

With regards to running, exercise releases those "feel-good" endorphyns in the brain like dopamine, so aside from the soothing effect you feel from repetitive motion, the stress that is relieved due to the endorphines probably also plays a role in making you feel better.

I have a friend who had a thyroid condition for many years without knowing it and when she finally found out years later, the doctor was surprised why she didn't feel depressed back then. Once he learned that she was an avid runner back then, he told her that the depression she should have had was probably counter acted by the running...i.e. the hormones/endorphynes that are released in the brain. When she was diagnosed at this later time in her life, she no longer ran and was experiencing depression.

Exercise does wonders for the brain.

 

[schrodingers_cat_lives]

I think meltdowns are caused by these steps:

1. You run into problems which cause negative emotions. Then either you miss the negative emotion entirely, or you see it, but aren't sure what to do about it. So you ignore them. You either ignore the bad feelings, or you do the switch-off-the-emotions thing. Over time, it builds because of #2.

2. You fail to seek help for your problems. This is mainly because the option to seek help never occurs to you. Or it may be because you don't trust anyone enough to seek help. Regardless, your problems don't get resolved.

3. Eventually, you run into the straw that breaks the camel's back. You can no longer accumulate any more "stress" and snap. This leaves everyone scratching their head as to why spilling a drink or getting a bill in the mail is enough to freak you freak out like that.

To me, everything that can go wrong has an associated number of "stress points" The amounts are different for everyone. And everyone has a different threshold. For example, being sick is good for maybe 30 points. An annoying stimulus like flickering lights or bad acoustics is good for maybe 40 points, etc. When you get to 100, you snap. But maybe someone else can get to 120 or only 80.

The trick for me is to identify which things have significant stress points, and address them immediately. And if I don't know how to address them, I ask my wife for help. Auditory problems for me result in earplugs which helps me a lot. Sometimes, it's just removing me from the bad environment. Other times, it's just understanding, which is where help and communication come in.

Frequently, we misunderstand all sorts of social things. We might think someone is mad at us for some reason, when really we misunderstood what was happening... they were really just having a bad day. I used to think my wife was getting mad at me all the time. Each time I thought that, it was good for maybe 20 or 30 stress points. We didn't talk about it, I just thought she was mad. But she wasn't at all. She had no idea I thought that so she didn't say anything. Now, I verify everything with her. If I think she's mad, I immediately ask her if she is.

Everything I think or feel gets immediately translated into words so she can validate or invalidate what I'm thinking. This tells her my state of mind which allows her to adjust her reactions to things to compensate for for my bad days. And it also gives me feedback so I can learn to better interpret all the non-verbal stuff both from her and from other people. Over time, this has really reduced the accumulation of stress points to where I almost never have meltdowns now. And the ones I have are much more mild. I see them coming and make changes to fix the situation before it gets to that point.

Does this make any sense?

brian

Brian, thank you so much for this information. It has really helped me to understand things better. I'm an NT with a S.O who was diagnosed with AS about 6 months ago, so all this is new to me.

As far as melt downs go, I have bipolar disorder so when i'm in a depressed mode, i can't deal with anything....the smallest things seem like mountains. i end up feeling paralyzed and just want to hide from reality. I just basically cope by shutting down, withdrawing and isolating from others, try to escape myself by watching a lot of tv, or oversleeping or trying to find some sort of comfort from comfort foods like chocolate and sweets. Of course i also go to doc and get my meds upped and that usually works to get me out of depression, but i also tend to avoid leaving the house (develop a sort of social phobia and sensitivity to light, sounds etc) and i don't always go to my doc immediately even though i always do continue whatever meds i'm on.

Anyway, when i'm balanced i'm able to function normally. My boyfriend (with AS) tends to stress out over what i consider smallest things and he also tends to get into these modes where he ruminates about negative things that haven't happened, but he anticipates could happen which ends up stressing him even more which then ends up "psyching" him out from doing things that he wants to do or are healthy for him to do. At work, the things that stress him the most is the rush hour commute coming home, when he feels the pressure, gets a negative review, or has conflicts with his supervisor. The latter was a huge stressor at his last job and though she did not seem to not have the most approachable or friendliest of personalities especially for a manager (from what he described), from my point of view, he seemed to take many things she said or did very personal which caused him to obsess about it and even grow paranoid that he was going to lose his job. I tried to convince him to try to "disconnect" and remember that unfortunately this is a normal part of the work force..i.e difficult bosses. Tried to tell him that perhaps some of the things she said or did were misinterpreted by him and that since she is merely a person he works with as opposed to a friend/family, he should not care or let this conflict overwhelm him.....that after a while he would learn to get used to this and be able to disconnect and not carry it around with him which was something i learned to do with the more experience i got after years of working. In other words, i was saying that he'd learn to grow a thicker skin through time. This all happened before either of us knew he had AS. At this last job he had, he became so stressed over this conflict that he'd end up coping thru self-injury. He'd even do this at work in the bathroom when things got bad for him.

I'd often grow impatient and frustrated with the way he seemed to crumble over what i interpreted as the smallest of problems and felt burdened or resentful that i had to take care of things for him since he seemed unable to handle them. I also grew frustrated whenever i tried to offer him solutions and suggest ways to resolve things that stressed him out like taking another route home during the rush hour commute that would be more quiet and faster. He was working in NYC and if rush hour stressed me out, i can imagine what it did to him. I kept suggesting that he would take another bus, that would be less crowded or a train that would take him directly to jersey, then take a bus from there home which was close by. But he never ever tried this and now that i know he has AS, the reason probably had to do with the discomfort of breaking with routine or fear of trying something different.

Anyway, i'm trying to understand how to help him and understand him better so i don't get impatient with him and make him feel worse. What you suggested with the point system sounds great....did you learn this from a book or developed it on your own? Do you keep some sort of chart to track it and learn to identify things? I just wanted to understand this system of yours better and how to implement it so that things wouldn't mount up for him until he snaps and shuts down.

 

[MoeSzyslak]

I drink. My doctor would prescibe me something if I wanted, but whats the difference they are both stimulants.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

^^I understand it is typical of AS to have a strong impulse to make technical corrections, so here goes.

Alcohol is not a stimulant but a depressant.

 

[Kaonashi]

I tend to get myself absorbed into something that I love so that my stress level will go down.