what are you feeling right now? (10)

[SplendidTree]

Woke up and cannot fall back asleep. Hopefully soon I will! Thanks everyone for the support. It is hard to be open about it because I just worry about like people thinking I am weak but hiding it doesn't help either. And I feel like I am some bad person to have a bad day.

But yesterday was a pretty good day for the most part. And counseling is helping but it is hard I mean, to break habits and patterns of thinking how I do about myself at times, after years of doing so. It's like I do so good and then I don't but my pastor says that it doesn't just happen over night.

I will beat myself up if I don't go to church one Sunday or something I mean, badly or if I do not like read the Bible much at times.

Anyways I am rambling here, I am sorry.

 

[redblue22]

I've been up all night yet again. just can't sleep. don't even feel tired and I haven't had my morning coffee yet. feeling nothing, but not so alone.

I think it takes a very strong person to share the many things you have--like this morning. thank you for trusting us with them.

 

[Criada]

I am so tired and i slept so much and yet i am still tired
UGH whats wrong with this picture
all i really wanna do with my life is sleep!

It's a common symptom of stress and depression, sweetie.
Praying for strength and refreshing

 

[Criada]

I am still feeling very embarassed about what I post on here sometimes. I think I let me feelings flow to freely, I am so sorry about that. I feel that I am getting on peoples nerves with my negative behavior. Again Sorry about that. Sorry about it all, I hope that you can forgive me cause I LOVE more than anything to laugh and spread "sunshine" nothing feels better than spreading sunshine to others. I HATE when I am a bother to anyone with my negative post. PLEASE forgive me I am so embarassed that I am having anxiety over this.

You're allowed to have feelings, sweetie, and this is a good place to vent safely.
No one is annoyed or sick of you... sometimes we are worried and concerned, but that's because we love you.
Praying for you.

 

[Criada]

Thank you so much.

I'm scared and sad

Praying

 

[Criada]

Im about to explode and i dont care

I care, sweetie, and God cares very much.
Praying for strength and peace

 

[Criada]

Happy, at peace but tired.

Good to hear
Praying you get some good rest and gfeel less tired soon!

 

[Angeldove97]

Thankful that I was finally able to sleep last night, even if hubby did wake me up on accident at 3am because he has the stomach flu now (I gave it to him ). Praying for all of you who popped in here last night to share

 

[Criada]

Im sick I think Im coming down With a fever or something and i notice the last few days when i bite down on my teeth they feel odd like they are out of place, Goodnight please pray

Praying, brother

 

[dfly]

Prayed for all of you

 

[Criada]

Very tired today

Hope you're feeling less tired now, brother. Praying for refeshment in His presence.

unloved

You are very, very much loved, sister - by us here, and so much more by God.
He is delighted with you

 

[Criada]

Struggling with low self esteem and trying to hide it because I worry what others will think of me.

, I wish that I had some sage advice for you but I don't. I have never had any self esteem and I have always been enslaved by the worry of what others will think of me. I've wasted my whole life with that worry.

As for myself, I am torturing myself with regret over the happy life that I might have enjoyed if I were not such a bad and lazy person. I've completely wasted and ruined my life, therefore it is a just and fitting punishment for me to be alone, miserable, and a total failure in life. Oh the torture of seeing other people have what I cannot have- a loving spouse, financial wealth, material goods, comfort, security, joy, and contentment.

You are both such precious, wonderful people.
You don't feel it - but if you could see yourselves as God sees you, you'd be amazed

Tom, you haven't wasted your life. You may have made some wrong choices, but you have made the most important right one too... and being a son of God is of so much more value than any of the earthly things people value so much.
You are still young brother, you have time to change things... and time to be happy and content in God's love.

 

[Criada]

it turns out I was right and people really don't want me. all those emotions and thoughts people said I'd outgrow from teen years are still right there.

I don't know what happened to convince you that people don't like you, brother, but it really isn't true
There are probably some people who don't like you - as there are for all of us - but there are many who do. And God loves you completely and unconditionally

I've been up all night yet again. just can't sleep. don't even feel tired and I haven't had my morning coffee yet. feeling nothing, but not so alone.

Praying you can sleep soon.
Sometimes not feeling anything for a bit is good - a break from all the negative stuff

 

[Criada]

Woke up and cannot fall back asleep. Hopefully soon I will! Thanks everyone for the support. It is hard to be open about it because I just worry about like people thinking I am weak but hiding it doesn't help either. And I feel like I am some bad person to have a bad day.

But yesterday was a pretty good day for the most part. And counseling is helping but it is hard I mean, to break habits and patterns of thinking how I do about myself at times, after years of doing so. It's like I do so good and then I don't but my pastor says that it doesn't just happen over night.

I will beat myself up if I don't go to church one Sunday or something I mean, badly or if I do not like read the Bible much at times.

Anyways I am rambling here, I am sorry.

You're not talking too much sweetie - this is a safe place to share what you are feeling, and I'm glad that you feel able to.
And it certainly isn't weak - taking of the mask of 'everything is fine' is a very hard thing to do, and shows a lot of strength

As for beating yourself up, remember, the Holy Spirit convicts us so that we repent, and are made righteous immediatley. It's the enemy who condemns and makes us go round in circles of guilt and shame.
Praying for you, sister

 

[redblue22]

thank you.

 

[Colleen1]

tired, ill, withdrawn

 

[kc990]

Been looking at things so negatively, that's why things has gone so wrong. It will take 10 times the effort to get things straight. Either have things get better or I'll fall completely in the darkness.

 

[HighwayMan]

How can emotional pain/confusion hurt so, so much? Why is a broken/strained heart so painful? And believe me, I have had psychical pain too, but this...I can't...

lol...

It is like it is impossible to breathe sometimes, just taking the next breath is such is a challenge...

 

[Broken Hearted]

Wish i could share what i truly feel but i cant for reasons of makin people upset and worried. I think i need to leave cause im so stressed and cant even keep control of my emotions cause im so depressed and angry.

 

[aflower4God]

tired, ill, withdrawn

Oh I have been there many of times my dear sweet loving sister about being withdrawn. I hope that you take care of yourself and take plenty of rest since you are ill, BE PRAYING FOR YOU!!!!!

Been looking at things so negatively, that's why things has gone so wrong. It will take 10 times the effort to get things straight. Either have things get better or I'll fall completely in the darkness.

((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))))) I have had days like that, I totally can understand how you feel. Praying for you as well sweet sister.

How can emotional pain/confusion hurt so, so much? Why is a broken/strained heart so painful? And believe me, I have had psychical pain too, but this...I can't...

lol...

It is like it is impossible to breathe sometimes, just taking the next breath is such is a challenge...

I hear ya, it is like the depression hurts so bad inside that it is a pain inside that you wish could go away with a heating pad or something, if that makes sense. Be praying for ya brother. ((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))

Wish i could share what i truly feel but i cant for reasons of makin people upset and worried. I think i need to leave cause im so stressed and cant even keep control of my emotions cause im so depressed and angry.

SO DO I sweet sister, and I don't want to share my feelings cause I don't want to upset or worry anyone, I hope that you don't leave BUT I am in the same boat for different reasons. Dear sweet loving sister, you have so many who care about you. ANd they enjoy talking to you, you are one easy person to talk to. REMEMBER THIS you are a blessing and you have so many friends who care for you. I KNOW YOUR PAIN so if you ever want to talk I will be here for a while but may be leaving CF for a while on Sat. morning. Cause I can't deal with rejection. This is why I am spending a lot of my time on line now. PRAYING for you sweet sister.