Toughest Decision Of My Life

[watt]

stay strong Jacob, I know you have it in you to do what is right in your heart.

 

[Cat59]

jacob-

when I had to watch my son suffer (he was on a ventilator) it was the worst time in my life- watching people we love suffer is so hard

I just got through it by taking it bit by bit, minute by minute even
All I can say is I'll continue to pray for you


Cat

 

[Jacob4Jesus]

Steven Fuller and I are linked in someway that has not had an oppurtunity to play out yet. That is where the hardest part of this is coming from. Steven and I do not have a sexual relationship, but my love for him is stronger than I have ever felt for another human being. Both of us are Christians and we put Christ first in our lives. Steven gives everything he can give, to everyone whether they deserve it or not. He gives even when he has nothing to give. I, though not a giver, am a forgiver. I hold no ills against anyone, I try to show compassion even to the evilest person. I love the man who will readily stab me in the chest or back, because everyone deserves that love.

I hope this gives a better understanding of the bond between Steven and me. We have something to offer the world and the people around us. We fit together as two compassionate, loving Christians. If I was the one in the coma, I have little doubt Steven would be going through the same agony as I am. So for that, I am grateful that I must suffer the pain and not him.

But mainly, I am not someone who has ever been happy. Steven makes me happy. I will NEVER end that relationship. I left because my presence was hurting his mom. I stil call to get updates and I will make weekly visits to see him. My love for him is no less, and I am sure he knows that.

 

[doofus125]

Ok Jacob, I'm confused......please don't take offense to this but from what I was getting from your post is that you struggle with homosexuality to some degree or am I just way off base on that?

 

[Jacob4Jesus]

Ok Jacob, I'm confused......please don't take offense to this but from what I was getting from your post is that you struggle with homosexuality to some degree or am I just way off base on that?

No, I don't struggle with homosexuality. I am very comfortable with who I am and I am not really that sexual of a person. Yes, I want to hold Steven, yes I want to hug him, yes I want to never let him go. But I would be completely happy never having sex with him. Maybe that is because I am so distraught that sex does not even interest me. I don't know. I could easily disolve any sexual identity if that was all it took to get him back.

The only thing I struggle with is the fact that he is incoherent and I can't help him. That hurts me more than anything in the world.

 

[doofus125]

My appoligies.......but from the attachment you have for him and wanting to hold him like you have described is what many would classify as homosexuality minus the sex part, that's why I am so confused on your situation. I have an attachment to a friend of mine and love him and want him to hold me or me hold him sometimes, but we don't and I've found that even though we are both christians I still struggle with sometimes lusting after him even though there isn't any sexuall relationship between us, mostly because he's totally straight and married, but I feel so comfterable around him......Just keep praying for your friend, ask God if it's his will for you two to be that close....just be careful because when 2 people of any sex become that close it can turn into something sexuall. Keep us updated on how he is doing....Jacob, know you are loved bro and that you are never alone with Jesus I'm going to PM you here in a minute bro.

Godbless you bro,

Bill

 

[TheOriginalWhitehorse]

Jacob, homosexuality isn't just wanting to have sex with someone who is the same gender. It is a *kind* of love. You say you'd be *perfectly happy* not having sex with him. But if you have a healthy kind of love for him, there should be no physical component to it at all. But it sounds like a romantic attachment, because even if you don't want to have sex with him, the wording sounds very much like the *kind* of love people should have for the opposite sex. There are different kinds of love, whether or not they lead to sex. And if you're noticing his eyes and his voice and you want to hold him physically, maybe it's time to pray about this and see if maybe God might want you to separate from Steven for a while until this is worked out.

I know-it's hard to think of. But if it gets in the way of your relationship with God, that really needs to be first priority.

Peace and grace,
Whitehorse

 

[doofus125]

Jacob, homosexuality isn't just wanting to have sex with someone who is the same gender. It is a *kind* of love. You say you'd be *perfectly happy* not having sex with him. But if you have a healthy kind of love for him, there should be no physical component to it at all. But it sounds like a romantic attachment, because even if you don't want to have sex with him, the wording sounds very much like the *kind* of love people should have for the opposite sex. There are different kinds of love, whether or not they lead to sex. And if you're noticing his eyes and his voice and you want to hold him physically, maybe it's time to pray about this and see if maybe God might want you to separate from Steven for a while until this is worked out.

I know-it's hard to think of. But if it gets in the way of your relationship with God, that really needs to be first priority.

Peace and grace,
Whitehorse

Jacob, if you want to talk about this know my door is open, I went through this and didn't even realize I had fallen in love with my friend until one day that I was close to him and looked into his eyes and almost kissed him. We are here to love you Jacob and encourage you.

 

[Jacob4Jesus]

Jacob, homosexuality isn't just wanting to have sex with someone who is the same gender. It is a *kind* of love. You say you'd be *perfectly happy* not having sex with him. But if you have a healthy kind of love for him, there should be no physical component to it at all. But it sounds like a romantic attachment, because even if you don't want to have sex with him, the wording sounds very much like the *kind* of love people should have for the opposite sex. There are different kinds of love, whether or not they lead to sex. And if you're noticing his eyes and his voice and you want to hold him physically, maybe it's time to pray about this and see if maybe God might want you to separate from Steven for a while until this is worked out.

I know-it's hard to think of. But if it gets in the way of your relationship with God, that really needs to be first priority.

Peace and grace,
Whitehorse

I appreciate the concern very much, but I am okay with what is going on. If I told you the story of how Steven and I met, then you would understand that the two of us are together for a reason. God brought us together. As far as love goes, I don't see how loving and caring for anyone as much as I care for him is going to be bad in God's eyes. Before I became Christian, anyone I got emotionally attached to was a piece of [expletive]. Then I become Christian and God sends an Angel like Steven to be in my life. Then hit him with a semi so Jacob (who has suffered 28 years of pain already) should go crazy afterwards... it doesn't sound like the work of God to me.

Your prayers, your support, Steven's friends and the very fact that he wasn't seriously injured in the wreck... that was the work of God. Or the very fact that he brought me into Steven's life 6 weeks before the accident happened. And now I am the ONLY person Steven responds to. I really think that God placed me and him in the place we are for a reason.

When I found out that Steven's mom was trying to keep me from seeing him, I fell onto Steven's bed and prayed to Jesus for a miracle. Right then, his mom's sister walked in the door and she has been acting as liason between the mom and me and she supports me.

Again, I think God wants me here for a reason and I will find out what that reason is eventually.

 

[Andre]

Jacob, I really hope your friend gets better and I'll keep both of you in my prayers.
All I have to say is God is in controll of everything, and nothing happens without His permission, trials will come to our lives and it's all about how you allow God to work in your life, I heard this quote once and I think it's apropriate, "the same sun that hardens clay softens butter", It's about us letting God work in our lives, God loves us, and He work in ways that we do no comprehend because He can see way further ahead of what we can see, He would not allow this to happen to your friend if it would not bring more good than harm to your lives. Maybe it happened to keep you two from sining against God, maybe the fact that you don't lust after other men is a window that God has given you so you can have an oportunity to abandon a lifestyle that would be unpleasing to God. Pray that God would reveal His plan to you and that He would give you the strenght and wisdom to make the right choices, ask Him to show you what you should do and to reveal you anything you are doing wrong, and don't reject the conviction of the Holy Spirit if it comes upon you, allow God to work with your clay and mold it as He pleases.
James 1
2 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,
3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.
4 And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
5 But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

James tells us to consider it all joy when we fall into trials, if it were imposible to do it it wouldn't be written in the Bible, but for us in our own strenght it is impossible, that's why we need to ask Jesus for the strenght to do it.
And trust God, He does not do evil, He is a good and loving God and He would only allow something like that to happen to bring us closer to Him.

12 Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.
13 Let no one say when he is tempted, " I am being tempted by God"; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone.
14 But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust.
15 Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.
16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren.
17 Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.

Put all your trust in the Lord and He will take care of all your needs.

Matthew 7
11 "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, (1) how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!

Sorry for the long post..
God loves you!!
Andre.

 

[seebs]

If I may, could I humbly ask that people focus more on the guy who is acting in a Christ-like manner, and less on their personal beliefs about things he might do later that they don't think are good?

This is not a "support and condemnation" forum. It's a support forum.

 

[TheOriginalWhitehorse]

If I may, could I humbly ask that people focus more on the guy who is acting in a Christ-like manner, and less on their personal beliefs about things he might do later that they don't think are good?

This is not a "support and condemnation" forum. It's a support forum.

I agree that we need to support each other. Absolutely. And I don't believe in condemning people, either. You're right about that. But I'm not sure that anyone is condemning him. Everyone has their failings, and if we're truly in Christ, we are aware of our own faults. As fellow believers in Christ, though, we are called to support and protect each other, and keep each other from veering off the road, as it were. If we don't, the Bible says that if this person falls away or is judged by God because of something, and we saw it happening and did nothing to prevent it, we are accountable and will receive judgment ourselves.

Since we're all going to face this judgment, then, we really do need to look out for each other. We do need to express our concerns gently and kindly-you're absolutely right about that. It's all in the motive.

I also agree with you that we need to guard our spirits carefully-God tells us to do that as well. Thank you for the reminder.

Blessings,
Whitehorse

 

[Jacob4Jesus]

If I may, could I humbly ask that people focus more on the guy who is acting in a Christ-like manner, and less on their personal beliefs about things he might do later that they don't think are good?

This is not a "support and condemnation" forum. It's a support forum.

Thank you Seebs. I appreciate it.

 

[Andre]

If I may, could I humbly ask that people focus more on the guy who is acting in a Christ-like manner, and less on their personal beliefs about things he might do later that they don't think are good?

This is not a "support and condemnation" forum. It's a support forum.

I'm sorry, but if you go to a Christian forum to ask for guidance you will most likely receive biblical answers that might not be confortable to you, but if they comply with God's word and it convicts you, then you are not being condemed, but you are receiving guidence.

 

[Jacob4Jesus]

I'm sorry, but if you go to a Christian forum to ask for guidance you will most likely receive biblical answers that might not be confortable to you, but if they comply with God's word and it convicts you, then you are not being condemed, but you are receiving guidence.

Yes, but the Biblical answers had nothing to do with what my question or what the point of this thread was. And another thing about a Christian Forum or any other forum is to try and stay on topic.

 

[desi]

If I may, could I humbly ask that people focus more on the guy who is acting in a Christ-like manner, and less on their personal beliefs about things he might do later that they don't think are good?

This is not a "support and condemnation" forum. It's a support forum.

Seebs, please forgive an unpolitically correct observation. Christ never claimed to 'fall in love at first sight' with another man like our friend here did. The Bible is clear in several areas in both the OT and NT about homosexuality being a no no. The idea that the homosexual nature of this thread should be off limits for discussion and concern on a Christian forum is asinine.

 

[TheOriginalWhitehorse]

Yes, but the Biblical answers had nothing to do with what my question or what the point of this thread was. And another thing about a Christian Forum or any other forum is to try and stay on topic.

Yes, but in professing Christ, we wear the name of a very powerful God who happens to be jealous of that name. We all must seek to bring honor to it, therefore, and do nothing that would bring dishonor, because that makes Him angry. We would do you a great disservice not to point this out, and this may very well be impeding recovery in other areas.

Not to mention that while many portray God as being all mercy without law, this is not an accurate portrayal of God at all. He is all love which means He has mercy, but also law. We would want to join your cause in removing any possibility that may put Steven at risk. We don't know, of course, but it is a very real possibility and therefore we would want to do what we could to increase the likelihood of his healing. It's popular to say God only wants everything to go well with us and that God would never do anything that causes us pain. But that's not what the Bible says.

If we didn't care about you, we would say nothing so you would like us more. But we're willing to risk that if it will protect you. And because you wear the name of our Lord, I trust that it will.

Moreover, our loyalty is to God, and your soul. A truly Christian forum does not place rules above its calling to the Most High God.

Be that as it may, I don't think we are required to mention it more than once, so I've done my duty and will leave you to discuss other things.

Best wishes, and take care.

 

[Andre]

I'm really sorry for steering off topic, but as I Christian
I'm obligated to correct fellow Christians if they are doing something wrong.
We are not supposed to be politically correct and compromise to avoid offending someone, we are supposed to be biblically correct and teach Gods word.
And as Christians we shloud receive correction from others Christians with Joy.

 

[doofus125]

Jacob,

I really do hope that Steven is going to be ok. I don't want you to feel unloved or like I am against you even though I don't agree with your decision, but it is your decision. I will not love you any less and I don't look at you differently, I only confronted you out of concern for your walk with Christ because I really feel that this is not good for your walk. Know I do understand your desire and what you want because it is something I have searched for myself and when I thought I finally had it God said no and took him away from me and gave me the overwhelming conviction that being in love with him wasn't right. I know I can speak for many people who have posted because I know they posted in love and not condemnation (sp?) even though it comes off as that. Both you and Steven are in my prayers.

Godbless,

Bill

 

[Iddie4him]

Seebs, please forgive an unpolitically correct observation. Christ never claimed to '.........fall in love at first sight' with another man like our friend here did. The Bible is clear in several areas in both the OT and NT about homosexuality being a no no. The idea that the homosexual nature of this thread should be off limits for discussion and concern on a Christian forum is asinine.

*Iddie4him puts mod hat on for a minute to make a point.

I believe Jacob came here asking for some compassion, Not condemnation for his admitted love for another human being. I suggest that we stay on topic and not on chastising him for what we feel isn't a normal lifestyle. I will close this thread if I have to.