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Lol! Colin, you are such a goofball! 
Glad you revived the thread!
Glad you revived the thread!
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The laughter thread.
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Colin
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A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye. It loudly announced, " £500 Porsche! New! " The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for £500, and he thought it might be a joke, but he said to himself, 'It's worth a shot.'
So he went to the lady's house who was selling the Porsche and she led him into the garage. Sure enough, there was an almost brand new Porsche.
" Wow! " the man said ." Can I take it for a test drive? "
" Sure " , answered the lady.
Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly.
When he got back to the lady's house, he asked her, " Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only £500? "
Then the lady replied with a laugh, " My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me, 'You can have the house and the furniture, just sell my Porsche and send me the money . "
So he went to the lady's house who was selling the Porsche and she led him into the garage. Sure enough, there was an almost brand new Porsche.
" Wow! " the man said ." Can I take it for a test drive? "
" Sure " , answered the lady.
Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly.
When he got back to the lady's house, he asked her, " Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only £500? "
Then the lady replied with a laugh, " My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me, 'You can have the house and the furniture, just sell my Porsche and send me the money . "
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lol
This is a short one and often people tend to think it's really stupid, and understandably why, but FWIW. tbh the language is usually a little rougher so I toned it down.
Two muffins are sitting in an oven.
One muffin goes, "wow it's hot in here!"
The second looks over and goes, "holy cow! A talking muffin!"
This is a short one and often people tend to think it's really stupid, and understandably why, but FWIW. tbh the language is usually a little rougher so I toned it down.
Two muffins are sitting in an oven.
One muffin goes, "wow it's hot in here!"
The second looks over and goes, "holy cow! A talking muffin!"
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Colin
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An elderly Yorkshireman lay dying in his bed.
While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite Bakewell tarts wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
With laboured breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen.
Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite Bakewell tarts .
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great , final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture.
His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the tart was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a tart at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife......
" Off with ya , " she said . " They're for the funeral . "
While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite Bakewell tarts wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
With laboured breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen.
Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite Bakewell tarts .
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great , final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture.
His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the tart was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a tart at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife......
" Off with ya , " she said . " They're for the funeral . "
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Colin
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There was a competition to swim the English Channel doing only the breaststroke.
Just three women entered the race: a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde.
After approximately 14 hours the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest breaststroker.
About 40 minutes later the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared to be the second place finisher.
Nearly 48 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.
When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, " I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms . "
Just three women entered the race: a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde.
After approximately 14 hours the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest breaststroker.
About 40 minutes later the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared to be the second place finisher.
Nearly 48 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.
When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, " I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms . "
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Sword of the Lord
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One Voice Among Many1
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LivingWordUnity
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Colin
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Four Catholic ladies are having tea together, discussing how important their children are.
The first one tells her friends, " My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father . "
The second Catholic woman chirps, " Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, " My lord . "
The third Catholic woman says smugly, " Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence'.
The fourth Catholic woman sips her tea in silence.
The first three women give her this subtle "Well...? "
She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6 foot tall , hunky , alluring , male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, " Oh My God. "
The first one tells her friends, " My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father . "
The second Catholic woman chirps, " Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, " My lord . "
The third Catholic woman says smugly, " Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence'.
The fourth Catholic woman sips her tea in silence.
The first three women give her this subtle "Well...? "
She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6 foot tall , hunky , alluring , male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, " Oh My God. "
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