The laughter thread.

[Michie]

Lol! Sinister!

A woman drove through a red traffic light and crashed into a man's car. Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither of them was hurt.

After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said; “Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.”

The man replied,” I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!”

The woman continued, “And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but my bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.”

Then she hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, “Aren't you having any?”

She replies, “Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police ."

 

[Colin]

When I was ready to check out and pay for my groceries the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."

Making a mental note so I could complain to the manager about this security rubbish, I did just as she had instructed.

After the shrieking and hysterical remarks finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to how I should position my credit card.

Nonetheless, I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

They need to make their instructions a little clearer for us seniors.

I hate this getting older stuff.....!

 

[Anhelyna]

Now that is really a classic

 

[Michie]

Lol!!!

When I was ready to check out and pay for my groceries the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."

Making a mental note so I could complain to the manager about this security rubbish, I did just as she had instructed.

After the shrieking and hysterical remarks finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to how I should position my credit card.

Nonetheless, I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

They need to make their instructions a little clearer for us seniors.

I hate this getting older stuff.....!

 

[brinny]

When I was ready to check out and pay for my groceries the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."

Making a mental note so I could complain to the manager about this security rubbish, I did just as she had instructed.

After the shrieking and hysterical remarks finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to how I should position my credit card.

Nonetheless, I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

They need to make their instructions a little clearer for us seniors.

I hate this getting older stuff.....!

ROFL!!!!

 

[brinny]

 

[Michie]

Doggie bouffant! Looks better on dogs than people!

 

[Colin]

A married couple were asleep in bed when at 2 am the phone rang.

The wife picked it up, listened for a moment before saying , "How should I know? It's 200 miles from here " , and then hung up.

The husband said , " Who was that? "

The wife replied , " I don't know . Some silly woman asking if the coast was clear . "

 

[S.ilvio]

Classic...

 

[Colin]

It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of a pub.



An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.

A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.
.
'Fishing,' replied the old man.



'Poor old fool' thought the gentleman . So he invited the old man to have a drink in the pub.



Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked ‘And how many have you caught?'



'You're the eighth.'

 

[Anhelyna]

 

[Colin]

t was April and the Aborigines in a remote part of Northern Australia asked their new elder if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was an elder in a modern community he had never been taught the old secrets.

When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the tribe should collect firewood to be prepared.

But being a practical leader, after several days he had an idea. He walked out to the telephone booth on the highway, called the Bureau of Meteorology and asked 'Is the coming winter in this area going to be cold?' The meteorologist responded, 'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold.' So the elder went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.

A week later he called the Bureau of Meteorology again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?' The meteorologist again replied, 'Yes, it's going to be a very cold winter.' The elder again went back to his community and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later the elder called the Bureau again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?' he asked. 'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever.'

'How can you be so sure?' the elder asked. The weatherman replied, 'Our satellites have reported that the Aborigines in the north are collecting firewood like crazy, and that's always a sure sign.'

 

[Colin]

VINCENT VAN GOGH'S FAMILY TREE...
His dizzy aunt ------------Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes------------ Gotta Gogh
... The brother who worked at a convenience store ------ Stop N Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia ------- U Gogh
His magician uncle ------------ Where-Diddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin ---------------A Mee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half-brother -----Gring Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach -----Wells-Far Gogh
The constipated uncle ------ Can't Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt ------- Tang Gogh
The bird lover uncle --------- Flamin Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking -------- Way-to-Gogh
The little bouncy nephew -------- Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco ----------------Go Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in an RV ------ Winnie Bay Gogh

 

[One Voice Among Many1]

Lol. Knowing my luck, this would probably be me.

 

[bill5]

I never wanted to believe that my roommate was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.


da dum tsss

 

[Michie]

I never wanted to believe that my roommate was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.


da dum tsss

 

[Colin]

For those of you who, like me, do not use and cannot comprehend why Facebook exists, I thought you may be interested in a little social experiment I am conducting.

I am trying to make new friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles. Therefore, every day I take a walk in the nearby small town and tell passers by what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later and with whom.

I give them pictures of my family, our dogs, ‘selfies’ of me gardening, taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch and generally doing what anybody and everybody does every day.

I also listen to their conversations, give them the "thumbs up" and tell them I like them.

And it works just like Facebook.

I already have four people following me: two police officers, a private investigator and a psychiatrist.

 

[Anhelyna]

 

[bill5]

For those of you who, like me, do not use and cannot comprehend why Facebook exists, I thought you may be interested in a little social experiment I am conducting.

I am trying to make new friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles. Therefore, every day I take a walk in the nearby small town and tell passers by what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later and with whom.

I give them pictures of my family, our dogs, ‘selfies’ of me gardening, taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch and generally doing what anybody and everybody does every day.

I also listen to their conversations, give them the "thumbs up" and tell them I like them.

And it works just like Facebook.

I already have four people following me: two police officers, a private investigator and a psychiatrist.

That's funny and sad at the same time

 

[Colin]

A Dumb Blonde Joke

A Yorkshireman , a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Yorkshireman said, 'Corned beef and red cabbage sandwiches! If I get corned beef and red cabbage sandwiches one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building.'

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, 'Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.'

The blonde opened his lunch and said, 'Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too.'

The next day, the Yorkshireman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and red cabbage sandwiches, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Yorkshireman's wife was weeping. She said, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and red cabbage sandwiches, I never would have given it to him again!'

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.'

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, 'Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch.’