My parents have been divorced for a long time. Dad was on his own for a year, and during that year he started to build a genuine relationship with me, and for the first time in my life I felt like I was finally getting to know him. Then he started dating a bimbo. That was a year-long fling that he knew would never last because he wanted someone mature to settle down with - then he started dating the other woman. I liked her at first because she would not take any of his not-nice ways. Over the years, though, I have come to see how she is controlling, passive-aggressive, two-faced and just plain mean.
One time, I got off the phone with dad and before we hung up, I could hear them in the background - she made a nasty comment, and dad actually defended me. When we are together, she tries to tell me how to parent my adult son (as though he were a child), and she tries to tell me how to live my life. Most recently - today - I talked with dad on the phone - they are coming to the Valley for a wedding, and when she heard dad mention possibly seeing us on the Saturday, she told him they are booked and they can only stop by on the way through town on the Friday. They know I work on Fridays. She does not want him spending time with me or money on me.
Now and then I get a small glimpse of the relationship dad and I were building all those years ago. Like today on the phone when he mentioned the possibility of seeing me on Saturday. But she shuts him down every time. I miss what dad and I were building, and I want that again - and he knows it. I mentioned it - however briefly - when she left the room one day.
How can I have a relationship with my dad when she dictates and controls his time and listens in on our phone calls? How would you handle this?
BTW - they are not Christian. My dad took me to church growing up, but only a couple of years ago he told me he regrets taking me to church because I "took it too serious." His wife has nothing good to say about Christians or about religion.
One time, I got off the phone with dad and before we hung up, I could hear them in the background - she made a nasty comment, and dad actually defended me. When we are together, she tries to tell me how to parent my adult son (as though he were a child), and she tries to tell me how to live my life. Most recently - today - I talked with dad on the phone - they are coming to the Valley for a wedding, and when she heard dad mention possibly seeing us on the Saturday, she told him they are booked and they can only stop by on the way through town on the Friday. They know I work on Fridays. She does not want him spending time with me or money on me.
Now and then I get a small glimpse of the relationship dad and I were building all those years ago. Like today on the phone when he mentioned the possibility of seeing me on Saturday. But she shuts him down every time. I miss what dad and I were building, and I want that again - and he knows it. I mentioned it - however briefly - when she left the room one day.
How can I have a relationship with my dad when she dictates and controls his time and listens in on our phone calls? How would you handle this?
BTW - they are not Christian. My dad took me to church growing up, but only a couple of years ago he told me he regrets taking me to church because I "took it too serious." His wife has nothing good to say about Christians or about religion.