Techniques in ignoring someone?

[Comanch09]

Does anyone know any tips or techniques in ignoring someone you can't avoid? The person I'm attempting to ignore is my grandma. She drives me nuts. She is currently living with us, even though she has other places she could be staying. She has literally gone out of her way to be here. On top of that, she knows I don't want her here. If she doesn't, she is being dilusional, because we don't get along. Its also come up in a conversation, so she is doing this in spite of what she knows, I don't want her to be here.

So, basically she has burnt her bridge down, because she has done this 10 month stay thing 5 times or more, and knows I don't want her here.

But, I may not be able to control this, because my family or her don't care, I will at least find a way to ignore her presence.

She is one of those who is always seeking attention and nervous all the time. Those are two things that drive me nuts, at least in her. For instance, just a few minutes ago, I was eating on my own on the back porch, and low and be hold, grandma pops out of her room and hangs in the kitchen, which is by the porch, and plays with the dishes. I made sure I was going to wait for her to leave, knowing what she was doing. She finally leaves after 20 minutes of doing nothing. I go in, and 15 seconds later, she coming down the stairs to come into the kitchen. SHE WAS IN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES, she couldn't have had anything to do. Next thing I find her doing, is getting in my way, saying she is wiping down ants that were going for peanut butter or something on the counter. They wern't there, I know it. Just something to get attention with. Why would she have not wiped down the ants in the 20 minutes before? I know the answer, they were phantom ants that never existed in the first place.

So, in short, how do you ignore someone who is nervous all the time and looking for attention all the time? I need something more than "just ignore her". Just her presence annoys me. But, unfortunetly, God didn't answer my prayer to prevent her from coming back down her after she left a month ago, so I need a way to ignore her.

There has to be some good technique that would do it. Anyone experienced in pshycology know anything? I know stress and being annoyed isn't good for ones health, if it is done for a prolonged time. Anyone know anything?

 

[Zita123]

I don't know what goes on between the both of you but,, It sounds to me that she needs to be there and the only way you will talk to her is if she annoys you. Believe it or not you probably are the favorite, You should suck it all up and be nice , talk to her because you might find out that's all she wanted
I will pray for you and your family
GOD BLES YOU ALL!!
May she keep coming aroung! ( I mean that in a good way)
zita

Does anyone know any tips or techniques in ignoring someone you can't avoid? The person I'm attempting to ignore is my grandma. She drives me nuts. She is currently living with us, even though she has other places she could be staying. She has literally gone out of her way to be here. On top of that, she knows I don't want her here. If she doesn't, she is being dilusional, because we don't get along. Its also come up in a conversation, so she is doing this in spite of what she knows, I don't want her to be here.

So, basically she has burnt her bridge down, because she has done this 10 month stay thing 5 times or more, and knows I don't want her here.

But, I may not be able to control this, because my family or her don't care, I will at least find a way to ignore her presence.

She is one of those who is always seeking attention and nervous all the time. Those are two things that drive me nuts, at least in her. For instance, just a few minutes ago, I was eating on my own on the back porch, and low and be hold, grandma pops out of her room and hangs in the kitchen, which is by the porch, and plays with the dishes. I made sure I was going to wait for her to leave, knowing what she was doing. She finally leaves after 20 minutes of doing nothing. I go in, and 15 seconds later, she coming down the stairs to come into the kitchen. SHE WAS IN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES, she couldn't have had anything to do. Next thing I find her doing, is getting in my way, saying she is wiping down ants that were going for peanut butter or something on the counter. They wern't there, I know it. Just something to get attention with. Why would she have not wiped down the ants in the 20 minutes before? I know the answer, they were phantom ants that never existed in the first place.

So, in short, how do you ignore someone who is nervous all the time and looking for attention all the time? I need something more than "just ignore her". Just her presence annoys me. But, unfortunetly, God didn't answer my prayer to prevent her from coming back down her after she left a month ago, so I need a way to ignore her.

There has to be some good technique that would do it. Anyone experienced in pshycology know anything? I know stress and being annoyed isn't good for ones health, if it is done for a prolonged time. Anyone know anything?

 

[Comanch09]

you. Believe it or not you probably are the favorite, You should suck it all up and be nice , talk to her because you might find out that's all she wanted

One, WE DON'T GET ALONG. There is nothing about whether I'm a favorite or not. My extended family is pretty much disfunctional, including my grandmother. We don't get along, and she has come here, knowing well that I didn't want her here.

I don't want to talk to her, I want to be left alone. I don't want her here, but if she is going to stay, knowing I don't want her here, I want a way to ignore her.

 

[intricatic]

The Christian thing to do (which is not the absolute alternative, there are many other things you could do) would be to find a remedy for your relationship with this woman, or to strive to better the situation between both of you, and not allow it to fester into something horribly negative.

Now... that we have that covered, what I would do is to find a good book store or coffee house, and live there. LOL

 

[janny108]

One, WE DON'T GET ALONG. There is nothing about whether I'm a favorite or not. My extended family is pretty much disfunctional, including my grandmother. We don't get along, and she has come here, knowing well that I didn't want her here.

I don't want to talk to her, I want to be left alone. I don't want her here, but if she is going to stay, knowing I don't want her here, I want a way to ignore her.

If you don't get along with her, why did she come to live with you in the first place? I'm sure you have other siblings? Are your parents still alive? Do you have hobbies or outside interests? Does she? Is she in good health?

People I have known to be in a caretaker role have shared the burden with other family members plus they have an outside interest or two. Your life did not end when she moved in, rather it broadened. Take quality time to talk to her, but don't let all your time revolve around her either. I understand a bit what you are saying, about the dysfunctional part. Take purposeful "breaks". I have lived with people before and have had them live with me. I don't care for it actually, but when people lived with me, they had their own lives too just like we did.

Jan

 

[Comanch09]

If you don't get along with her, why did she come to live with you in the first place? I'm sure you have other siblings? Are your parents still alive? Do you have hobbies or outside interests? Does she? Is she in good health?

She came her because its the biggest house out of all the ones she could pick from. She won't say that of course. Also, one of her sisters wants her to stay with her and take care of her, but "good ol' grandma" wouldn't want to do that. I still live with my parents, but I will be off to college after this, my senior year. I don't have any brothers or sisters. Yes, I play sports and got a Sat. and Sun. job. This is one of the anoying things about her. She smokes, and is the type of person that will get sick to get attention for herself. She is a hypocondriac or something. Also, her coming to stay here, dispite what I feel, shows how much she cares about me, and don't feel sorry for her at all. She has gone out of her way to stay her.

I also suspect it has something to do with my last years, and if she leaves when I leave, I will surely blow her up on the phone, and never see her again. She knows what she is doing, and I don't feel sorry for her.

Also, don't confuse your relationship with your grandma with mine. We don't get along, and I can't stand her as a person and what she does.

So, if anyone has any techniques or tips on how to ignore her, please tell.

 

[Anti Existance]

Why don't you have a 4 eyes only conversation with her and talk about it, say what bothers you on your heart and complain to her that she is driving you completely nuts, and that you would appreciate it if she wouldn't be so nervous and constantly seeking attention. Honestly these kind of people watch your every action, anyway if she replies negativly , i would kindly ask her to leave the house, its either her out of the house or you.

 

[Comanch09]

First, anything brought up in complaint in this house is viewed as being rude. We fight all the time, but god forbid I have a conversation bringing up my objections to her staying here. I have said it before, saying I don't want her being here, and no one cared. They said it directly, we don't care what you think about it.

So, no, saying it directly won't do anything on leaving. Also, she and her annoying extended family do the same thing for years, and isn't going to change most likely. Again, I need ways to ignore her, not tell her stuff, etc.. I could stand her if she only stayed here for 2 weeks every now and then, but she doesn't want to do that. So, again, she has burnt her bridge, and will ignore her as best I can.

 

[bethdinsmore]

Some suggestions from someone who comes from a dysfunctional family:

Here are some things that have helped me tremendously:
1. Choosing to do things God's way, relying on His strength to love the unlovable.
2. Reading Boundaries with Kids, to learn how to put up boundaries effectively, and what makes the other person tick. (Often the attention-seekers are in such great emotional pain from the past that they don't know how to have self-discipline.)
3. Reading Pat Springle's book on dealing with codependent relatives
4. choosing to stop trying to figure out the person's motives - they often don't even know all their own motives, and God tells us to avoid it in I Corinthians 4:5. Giving them the benefit of the doubt.
5. for heavy-duty help, joining a Christian codependent recovery group such as Overcomers Outreach.
6. We can't change others, but we can change ourselves and learn that contentment is possible, no matter what the circumstances, as we rely on God to give us victory.

It takes strength and commitment, but God can give ongoing victory in such a situation. I know, and I've seen it happen many times with others.

God bless you, friend. I will pray for you, and your grandma.

 

[blessedxxantidote]

Your only alternative other than completely ignoring her is to confront her, as far as I can see. I realize that you're in a really hard position here, but there's nothing else you can do.

Make sure you're really praying about those circumstance, and have somebody who lives locally that you can get together with and release your trouble upon. Don't keep your emotion in, or your annoyance will only further.

++

 

[blessedmomof5]

I had a grandmother that was not a happy person, never a nice word, ok maybe occasionally, but basically a very negative person.....

But i never not wanted her in my life, everything you have been saying is "I"

unless she did something so horrible to you, imho there is no reason to treat her that way. could she be lonely? sad? depressed? can you? And also remeber it is your parents house not yours, so basically who they want there is there choice....

i am sorry if this sounds harsh, but i wish i had at least 1 of my grandparents back...

 

[Comanch09]

Well, you evidentally had a good experience with your grand parents. I haven't. Never seen either of my grandfathers. Ones died, the other is alive, never seen the guy, and don't care if I do. One of my grandmothers told my parents should get divorced, don't think I will be seeing her this Christmas. This one bugs me to death, and try to ignore her.

But i never not wanted her in my life, everything you have been saying is "I"

Correct, because when I'm talking about what I feel or something about me, its proper to use "I".

Look, I'm not looking for justification as to why I should or shouldn't like her. That wasn't what this was about. I'm looking for techniques or tips you all know that would help you ignore someone you don't care for, but have to be around them anyways. Thanks for the responses, but some of them aren't answering the question, but instead saying why I should like my grandmother. We don't get along, and don't see that changing anytime in the near future.

 

[blessedmomof5]

personally, i don;t see a way that would be possible, to ignore her since you claim she is always right there so if you can beat them join them......

and as far as grandparents go, they were not all wonderful, my grandfather was an alcholic, and i was the only child in the house that would get in the car with him, bc he was rude when drunk, yes i was aloud to drive with him while he was drinking, he would look for us on street corners, and be the most embarressing person, but we were told growing up to Respect your elders and thats what we did......

like i said play it her way maybe she will start hiding from you....
remeber its not always about you...with the "i"s
it should be all about God and what is pleasing in his eyes.....would this please him is what you need to ask yourself.

 

[~Nikki~]

Well, the Bible says to love your neighbour, love your friend, love your brother, and love your enemy.

So if you can't love her in any of the first three categories, then you need to learn to love her as an enemy, and be nice anyway.

God bless...

 

[Surrender2Win]

Well, you evidentally had a good experience with your grand parents. I haven't. Never seen either of my grandfathers. Ones died, the other is alive, never seen the guy, and don't care if I do. One of my grandmothers told my parents should get divorced, don't think I will be seeing her this Christmas. This one bugs me to death, and try to ignore her.



Correct, because when I'm talking about what I feel or something about me, its proper to use "I".

Look, I'm not looking for justification as to why I should or shouldn't like her. That wasn't what this was about. I'm looking for techniques or tips you all know that would help you ignore someone you don't care for, but have to be around them anyways. Thanks for the responses, but some of them aren't answering the question, but instead saying why I should like my grandmother. We don't get along, and don't see that changing anytime in the near future.

You are in a Christian forum, what other answers would you expect?

I'm not exactly sure what you want to hear by your question. How do you ignore a person? You just don't respond? Walk away?

I don't really know your circumstances, but I'm trying to place myself in your shoes with the worse possible scenario and I am coming up with only one thing. Pray about it.

Perhaps there is a lesson for you in this to be learned.

God Bless,
Amanda

 

[janny108]

She came her because its the biggest house out of all the ones she could pick from. She won't say that of course. Also, one of her sisters wants her to stay with her and take care of her, but "good ol' grandma" wouldn't want to do that. I still live with my parents, but I will be off to college after this, my senior year. I don't have any brothers or sisters. Yes, I play sports and got a Sat. and Sun. job. This is one of the anoying things about her. She smokes, and is the type of person that will get sick to get attention for herself. She is a hypocondriac or something. Also, her coming to stay here, dispite what I feel, shows how much she cares about me, and don't feel sorry for her at all. She has gone out of her way to stay her.

I also suspect it has something to do with my last years, and if she leaves when I leave, I will surely blow her up on the phone, and never see her again. She knows what she is doing, and I don't feel sorry for her.

Also, don't confuse your relationship with your grandma with mine. We don't get along, and I can't stand her as a person and what she does.

So, if anyone has any techniques or tips on how to ignore her, please tell.

Huh? I lost you here when you said don't confuse relationships with grandmas. First of all, I don't have any. Second, you are there for a limited time, so that in itself should make things easier to deal with. Anyone can deal with a lot of things if they know it's only for a season. I would pray for her, and pray for yourself. Do what is necessary as a family member and enjoy your pursuits.
I know it's hard when you feel like you are "underfoot" with people. It was that way before my son went into the navy. But everything is more relaxed now both for him and for us.
Jan

 

[Comanch09]

personally, i don;t see a way that would be possible, to ignore her since you claim she is always right there so if you can beat them join them......

and as far as grandparents go, they were not all wonderful, my grandfather was an alcholic, and i was the only child in the house that would get in the car with him, bc he was rude when drunk, yes i was aloud to drive with him while he was drinking, he would look for us on street corners, and be the most embarressing person, but we were told growing up to Respect your elders and thats what we did......

like i said play it her way maybe she will start hiding from you....
remeber its not always about you...with the "i"s
it should be all about God and what is pleasing in his eyes.....would this please him is what you need to ask yourself.

Sorry, I'm a person, and have feelings too. "I" is about me, so "I" don't agree with you. Also, this is coming from a person who drove around with a drunk person, because you wanted to be "respectful". You seem not to put limits on it, and have blind faith. I don't agree with that.

Also, I will never act like her. I can't stand her, and how she acts, I would NEVER act like her.

 

[Comanch09]

You are in a Christian forum, what other answers would you expect?

I'm not exactly sure what you want to hear by your question. How do you ignore a person? You just don't respond? Walk away?

I'm looking for any tips or techniques to ignoring someone. It is clearly written. I'm sure there is someone who has had physcology or something that may know a little known tip about it.

 

[blessedmomof5]

Also, this is coming from a person who drove around with a drunk person


my reply for that is i was 14 and did not know better...yes i want to be pleasing but for the Lord not for myself.....
i wish you luck in getting the answers you seek. but rember is it Pleasing in Gods eyes? you have failed to answer that question....
In Christ and praying for you

 

[janny108]

Try not to dwell on this. If you keep dwelling on her faults they will get bigger in your eyes. Try to focus on Jesus, if you are a Christian. He helps us in our weaknesses. Put your trust in Him as you plan your future.

Jan