Stay near non-believer friend, or distance one's self from him?

[Lightsped]

I have a good friend whom I have known for four or so years. He is younger than me. He is 20 years old. He is not a believer and has had the usual teenager problems including sex addiction, alcohol useage, weed useage, and a problem with being truthful.

When he is around me and my friends he acts like a decent guy. Yet on the internet, and with his other friends, he displays example after example of pure filth. You name it, it has happened....

He knows my position on all of this as I have told him many times. Again, because of my stance on these problems, he attempts to act like a decent guy when he is around me.

My main concern is that another friend of mine (who is the youngest in the group - 17 years old) has had some similar problems in the past with sex. Maybe an isolated incident with weed and alcohol as well. Nothing extreme. This youngest friend is making a very very sincere effort to stay on the right track. He goes to church and takes a real interest in the surmon and reading the Bible. There have been a few instances of the 20 year old giving the youngest friend some bad advice in terms of sex and alcohol in the past. Thankfully the damage done was minor.

As a Christian, what should I be doing? I hate to take a chance that the 20 year old will tear the 17 year old down with bad influence and advice. As a Christian are we supposed to maintain relationships with non believers, or should I put some distance on the 20 year old?

 

[joey_downunder]

The Book of Proverbs will answer your question. There are repeated instructions and warnings about who to keep company with and whom to reject. This following passage might sound a bit over the top at first, but remind yourself what your friend might do to your younger friend's innocence.

My son, if sinners entice you,
do not consent.
If they say, “Come with us, let us lie in wait for blood;
let us ambush the innocent without reason;
like Sheol let us swallow them alive,
and whole, like those who go down to the pit;
we shall find all precious goods,
we shall fill our houses with plunder;
throw in your lot among us;
we will all have one purse”—
my son, do not walk in the way with them;
hold back your foot from their paths,
for their feet run to evil,
and they make haste to shed blood.
For in vain is a net spread
in the sight of any bird,
but these men lie in wait for their own blood;
they set an ambush for their own lives.
Such are the ways of everyone who is greedy for unjust gain;
it takes away the life of its possessors. (Proverbs 1:10-19)

Yes it may be unpleasant, yes you may be accused of being judgemental, intolerant and so on [insert any other word currently in vogue to label more moral people than themselves].

Who knows, maybe you withdrawing yourself from his company might be the shock he needs. If in response he doesn't change, rejects you completely and/or smears your name then you know you've made the right decision.

 

[joey_downunder]

deleted

 

[Lightsped]

Thanks for the reply. I failed to make clear that this 20 year old friend is not tempting me at all. I have no desire to live or promote the lifestyle he lives when he is away from me.

My main concern is the possiblity of him pulling down my 17 year old friend.

 

[joey_downunder]

I didn't think he was. It sounds like you're being the big brother in this situation. Sometimes us "older siblings" have to make the unpopular decisions.

 

[dysert]

Thanks for the reply. I failed to make clear that this 20 year old friend is not tempting me at all. I have no desire to live or promote the lifestyle he lives when he is away from me.

My main concern is the possiblity of him pulling down my 17 year old friend.

Seems to me that you should increase the relationship with the 17-year-old and decrease the relationship with the 20-year-old.

Many years ago my best friend was an atheist. We worked together and played a lot of tennis with each other. We didn't "hang out" together, though. After all, "How happy is the man who does not follow the advice of the wicked, or take the path of sinners, or join a group of mockers" (HCSB). Even though it doesn't sound like the 20-year-old is influencing you, Paul warns us not to be deceived: "Evil company corrupts good habits" (1 Cor. 15:33).

 

[Lightsped]

Seems to me that you should increase the relationship with the 17-year-old and decrease the relationship with the 20-year-old.

Many years ago my best friend was an atheist. We worked together and played a lot of tennis with each other. We didn't "hang out" together, though. After all, "How happy is the man who does not follow the advice of the wicked, or take the path of sinners, or join a group of mockers" (HCSB). Even though it doesn't sound like the 20-year-old is influencing you, Paul warns us not to be deceived: "Evil company corrupts good habits" (1 Cor. 15:33).

Two years ago I was much closer to the 20 year old. During the past year or so, I have become much much closer to the 17 year old. I feel much more comfortable around the 17 year old. We have become close enough to the point where we are really more like brothers than friends.

It is strange, in that the 20 year old appears to not be growing up at all. He still lives as if he is in highschool, while the 17 year old often talks about Christ, career goals, college, etc....

I just wish the Holy Spirit would touch the 20 year old. He is a great guy too, he is just so dirty. Lately I have been creeped out by the things I have found out about the 20 year old.... It isn't a comforting feeling. It's a similar feeling to watching a really sinful movie.... I do like the 20 year old, just lately I am having a more difficult time realizing what he is really doing when he is away from me... He is two sided.

 

[joey_downunder]

Dysert you make a good point. Often I haven't realised what an influence people have had on me until they're not in my life any more (for whatever reason).

Lightsped, I have experienced similar feelings when I have been with some people. It isn't at all pleasant. Maybe the Holy Spirit is working in you and warning you to be careful?

 

[Adrianna91]

Run far away. He will corrupt your Christian values!

 

[xxxxxxtra]

Hey.. God's law is explicit.. You need to widen the gap between the totally depraved guy and yourself.. If he truly was a friend. He would be asking himself similar questions. Such as how i make the necessary changes so that this friendship lasts.. Nope, like a dog that has come across a carcass he will feast until there is no more or he had his fill. Then after leaving his mark he will move onto the next feast.. Never anything at his own expense.. As far as the 17 year old. Draw close to them.. Become a mentor. Always encouraging and edifying in Christ our Lord. After awhile the 20 year old will either come into the fold or will flee from what he cannot understand.. I hope this helped you.. Always pray for the 20 year old...

 

[CounselorForChrist]

I've been through the same in terms of having friends that are...less then christian. I had to distance myself from my best friend. He doesn't really seem to care either so I don't think we are friend anymore. But I think this for the best. While I've become more mature as a christian, hes become more hardcore as an atheist.

 

[Girder of Loins]

I wouldn't distance yourself from him, but I would distance the 17-year old form him. From what you've written, it seems that you are the catalyst for the two people meeting, and if this is the case, then try making sure they aren't with you at the same time. It is important to disciple the 17-year old, but it is equally important to find lost souls.

 

[Jahleel]

10While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with him and his disciples. 11 When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” 12 On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 13 But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’[a] For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew 9&version=NIV

 

[Pal Handy]

I have a good friend whom I have known for four or so years. He is younger than me. He is 20 years old. He is not a believer and has had the usual teenager problems including sex addiction, alcohol useage, weed useage, and a problem with being truthful.

When he is around me and my friends he acts like a decent guy. Yet on the internet, and with his other friends, he displays example after example of pure filth. You name it, it has happened....

He knows my position on all of this as I have told him many times. Again, because of my stance on these problems, he attempts to act like a decent guy when he is around me.

My main concern is that another friend of mine (who is the youngest in the group - 17 years old) has had some similar problems in the past with sex. Maybe an isolated incident with weed and alcohol as well. Nothing extreme. This youngest friend is making a very very sincere effort to stay on the right track. He goes to church and takes a real interest in the surmon and reading the Bible. There have been a few instances of the 20 year old giving the youngest friend some bad advice in terms of sex and alcohol in the past. Thankfully the damage done was minor.

As a Christian, what should I be doing? I hate to take a chance that the 20 year old will tear the 17 year old down with bad influence and advice. As a Christian are we supposed to maintain relationships with non believers, or should I put some distance on the 20 year old?

Sound like a youth group...

If you are involved in a youth group and the friend is behaving properly, perhaps
the Godly influence of yourself and others will benefit him and cause him to see the
difference between those who walk in darkness and those who walk in the light of Christ.

Of course you want to protect others from this friends bad influences so
perhaps you could warn the younger man in confidence to this friends potential as a
bad role model without villifying him but encouraging the younger member
to be wary of his advice and influence while keeping him in prayer and
showing him Godly love in Christ as the proper course.

I think a 17 yo is old enough to understand your concern for him as
well as your concern for your friend in wanting him to be engaged
with mature Christians as long as he is respectful and open.

I would have no problem calling out a friend in front of anyone who
openly gave ungodly advice to someone.

I would have no problem setting the rules for continued friendship as
it relates to yourself and those who you feel responsible for.

If your friend takes your rebuke then perhaps he will see his error and
will see his need to change or else he will quit hanging around.

Its his choice

You don't want to drive him away but you don't want to compromise
your beliefs just to cause him to stay.

Speak the truth in love and don't compromise and leave the choice up to him
if he wants to keep hanging around or leave.

Jesus never downplayed the gospel for anyone. Jesus never did a soft sale on sin.
Jesus spoke the truth in love in the hopes that people would repent and turn to Him and find life.

Jesus never drove anyone away either so as long as they could stand it,
He would speak the truth in love and leave it up to each person whether they would follow or depart.

Hope this helps...

 

[CGL1023]

I have a good friend whom I have known for four or so years. He is younger than me. He is 20 years old. He is not a believer and has had the usual teenager problems including sex addiction, alcohol useage, weed useage, and a problem with being truthful.

When he is around me and my friends he acts like a decent guy. Yet on the internet, and with his other friends, he displays example after example of pure filth. You name it, it has happened....

He knows my position on all of this as I have told him many times. Again, because of my stance on these problems, he attempts to act like a decent guy when he is around me.

My main concern is that another friend of mine (who is the youngest in the group - 17 years old) has had some similar problems in the past with sex. Maybe an isolated incident with weed and alcohol as well. Nothing extreme. This youngest friend is making a very very sincere effort to stay on the right track. He goes to church and takes a real interest in the surmon and reading the Bible. There have been a few instances of the 20 year old giving the youngest friend some bad advice in terms of sex and alcohol in the past. Thankfully the damage done was minor.

As a Christian, what should I be doing? I hate to take a chance that the 20 year old will tear the 17 year old down with bad influence and advice. As a Christian are we supposed to maintain relationships with non believers, or should I put some distance on the 20 year old?

What I am taught on this matter is apply 2Cor 6:14; don't be unequally yoked. A second scripture is 2John 1:8-11; don't let non-believers into your personal life and yet do not back off from witnessing. This is what Jesus did. The overall idea of this approach is that the believer remains 100% in the light does not spend any time in darkness. To do so dilutes your Christian empowerment and your Christian walk.

The people you are trying to reach will see a clear distinction between the light of your message and the darkness. In general, you have to find a person with 'ears to hear' for the gospel message to be received.

I would say to pray the Lord direct both the 17yr-old and the 20yr-old to the place they each need to go. You would remain available to help while remaining in the light.

 

[TheyCallMeDave]

I have a good friend whom I have known for four or so years. He is younger than me. He is 20 years old. He is not a believer and has had the usual teenager problems including sex addiction, alcohol useage, weed useage, and a problem with being truthful.

When he is around me and my friends he acts like a decent guy. Yet on the internet, and with his other friends, he displays example after example of pure filth. You name it, it has happened....

He knows my position on all of this as I have told him many times. Again, because of my stance on these problems, he attempts to act like a decent guy when he is around me.

My main concern is that another friend of mine (who is the youngest in the group - 17 years old) has had some similar problems in the past with sex. Maybe an isolated incident with weed and alcohol as well. Nothing extreme. This youngest friend is making a very very sincere effort to stay on the right track. He goes to church and takes a real interest in the surmon and reading the Bible. There have been a few instances of the 20 year old giving the youngest friend some bad advice in terms of sex and alcohol in the past. Thankfully the damage done was minor.

As a Christian, what should I be doing? I hate to take a chance that the 20 year old will tear the 17 year old down with bad influence and advice. As a Christian are we supposed to maintain relationships with non believers, or should I put some distance on the 20 year old?

As Christians, we need to set firm boundaries with Unbelievers that we let into our lives on a deeper basis ; that applies for the same and opposite gender. One has to be a pretty strong and seasoned Christian in order not to start getting suck in to the Unbelievers philosophy of life which is centered on rebellion of various kinds, self serving opportunities , etc.. because such a Person doesnt have the spirit of God residing in him/her.

If it were me, I establish very firm boundaries on what i will do with the Unbelieving Friend and what i wont . I think some healthy emotional distance is in order and youll have to determine what that looks like ; thats not to say that you need to drop the friendship but exttreme caution is needed.

 

[stormdancer0]

Perhaps this 20 yr old will realize at some point that you are trying to protect the 17 yr old and straighten up. But most of the time it takes something big to kick their backsides once a young person is going down that path.

The 20 yr old obviously cares about you, or he wouldn't try to straighten up when you are around.

I believe I would confront the 20 yr old and just tell him that you cannot hang with him much any more because you don't want him to corrupt the 17 yr old.

Good wishes to you. Thank you for mentoring some of our young people. We need more who are willing to do this.

 

[unapologetic]

from a biblical point of view i would say cut him off!! the bible says to get rid of things that causes any form of sin...but as a Christian you also cant forsake someone just because they are not like you. This 20 yr old needs God and prayer and guidance and maybe, just maybe you are the one to show him the right way. try talking with him and prayer. if this doesn't work over time just let go of this person but don't ever stop praying for him)

 

[Lightsped]

I wouldn't distance yourself from him, but I would distance the 17-year old form him. From what you've written, it seems that you are the catalyst for the two people meeting, and if this is the case, then try making sure they aren't with you at the same time. It is important to disciple the 17-year old, but it is equally important to find lost souls.

This is exactly what I have been trying to do....

Perhaps this 20 yr old will realize at some point that you are trying to protect the 17 yr old and straighten up. But most of the time it takes something big to kick their backsides once a young person is going down that path.

The 20 yr old obviously cares about you, or he wouldn't try to straighten up when you are around.

I believe I would confront the 20 yr old and just tell him that you cannot hang with him much any more because you don't want him to corrupt the 17 yr old.

Good wishes to you. Thank you for mentoring some of our young people. We need more who are willing to do this.

Yes, I agree. I know for a fact that the 20 year old cares about me. He never tells me anything about what he does when he isn't in my company. He does his best to hide his other side.... In the past we have had many many talks about the issues he is still having difficulty with. He knows I will not approve or budge when it comes to the lifestyle he accepts.....

 

[krugerpark]

you should be helping them both