Spanking.....

[NothingIsImpossible]

So what are your views on it. Its REALLY hard for me to talk to couples about this issue because often I find if someone was abused as a child they think spanking is abuse. Even if they were just spanked, they tend to say their parents used a belt or something more painful, which I do get can be bad. So they get annoyed when I bring up spanking. To me spanking is something that should be saved for those REALLY rare moments when its called for. Like if you are spanking your child daily, I do think it borders on abuse. Where as if you only have to spank them a few times a year, I think its ok.

I was spanked and turned out good. And likewise in very bad situation where something has to be done I will spank my child. Sadly though if your american its now against the law to spank. Which I think is why the youth today are even worse then when I grew up. Sure, all generations have youth that do bad things. But I never remember kids hitting their parents, screaming obscenities at them, throwing and destroying their stuff. Maybe a few did, but not as many as today.

Obviously there are other things that add to it like the media they see today. But overall I am for spanking as a last resort. What about you? Also do you believe some think its bad because of their childhood? I'd think if your on this forum then you are a christian so obviously it spanking wasn't to bad or you'd turn from your ways (just an assumption of course).

 

[FutureAndAHope]

We have a young son. I find it is better to take away things for a time that they really enjoy doing, like thier lego, or a computer game that they enjoy. But you have to stick to your guns, actually do what you say, not just threaten. We still smack occasionally but only if nothing else works.

 

[tturt]

posted: "Sadly though if your american its now against the law to spank."

Federal? State?

"Rod" means parental authority/guidelines in Prov 13:24.

We don't follow Deut 21:18-21 but we find that discipline is the responsible thing to do.

There are other Scriptures to help us such as "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." Eph 4:6 "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger." Prov 15:1 (want to get their attention? whisper).

 

[Dave-W]

because often I find if someone was abused as a child they think spanking is abuse.

I was spanked as a child. I did not consider it "abuse" until some years after being married. I now consider that it would be viewed in current terms as abusive. Do I consider it abusive? Undecided.

The spankings consisted of my dad with his belt bringing me almost to the point of unconsciousness; sometimes multiple times. My wife says I have scars back there from it. I have not seen them since I do not look at my backside in the mirror.

No, I do not consider spanking to be abusive.

 

[Dave-W]

There are other Scriptures to help us such as "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." Eph 4:6 "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger." Prov 15:1

OR:

Hebrews 12:11 All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Well if a child tells a teacher you spank him, even if only once the teacher is suppose to talk to the law because they can take your child away.

 

[tturt]

DWO, or?

I fail to see why parents can't do all those Scriptures we posted as part of a total discipline package.

NII, are you referring to a federal or state law?

 

[KWCrazy]

Spanking is not abuse.
Abuse is not correction.
Spankings are supposed to be painful, but they are not supposed to do injury. Injury indicates abuse.
You have to use good judgment in how hard you spank your child.
You're wife, however, you can spank as hard as you want.
.

.

Just kidding.

 

[Mudinyeri]

I was spanked and turned out good.

I was beaten (closed fist, various 'instruments,' bloody, bruised, etc.) and turned out "good." Is it safe to assume that beatings are OK?

One a child is able to reason, I see spanking (swatting with an open hand on the covered buttocks, leaving no marks) as a failure on the parents' part. Anything more than spanking is abuse.

I can think of only two times that I swatted my son (one swat with an open hand on the covered buttocks leaving no marks - he was wearing a diaper). Beyond that, we used reason and natural/related consequences. I am constantly amazed and thankful at how "good" he has turned out (turns 16 next month).

 

[SnowyMacie]

Spanking can be abusive, but it's not abusive by itself. I think spanking should only be a last resort or immediate need, but otherwise you should seek other forms of discipline.

 

[KWCrazy]

I was beaten (closed fist, various 'instruments,' bloody, bruised, etc.) and turned out "good." Is it safe to assume that beatings are OK?

No, that is abuse.

One a child is able to reason, I see spanking (swatting with an open hand on the covered buttocks, leaving no marks) as a failure on the parents' part.

As far as seeing cause and effect relationships, that probably doesn't happen for the first dozen years. At some point spanking loses its effectiveness. At some point loss of privilege becomes a greater deterrent.

I can think of only two times that I swatted my son (one swat with an open hand on the covered buttocks leaving no marks - he was wearing a diaper). Beyond that, we used reason and natural/related consequences. I am constantly amazed and thankful at how "good" he has turned out (turns 16 next month).

That's a good thing.
I think raising one child is much easier than raising three. They listen to you more.
My stepson would have turned out much better if not for his father's influence. What we didn't know at the time was that his father introduced him to drugs when he was 12. By the time he turned 16 we had lost him to the world. Everything would have been different had we kept that evil man out of his life, but his mother thought he needed the connection to his real father. She was wrong. Beyond me, his real father was the Lord. His biological parent was nothing more than a role model for bad behavior.

 

[Mudinyeri]

No, that is abuse.

My point was - just because someone turned out "good" doesn't mean the manner in which they were raised was good.

As far as seeing cause and effect relationships, that probably doesn't happen for the first dozen years. At some point spanking loses its effectiveness. At some point loss of privilege becomes a greater deterrent.

I think a lot of parents don't give kids enough credit for their ability to reason, identify cause and effect patterns and begin to govern their own actions. Consequently, kids don't reason, identify cause and effect patterns and govern their own actions.

That's a good thing.
I think raising one child is much easier than raising three. They listen to you more.
My stepson would have turned out much better if not for his father's influence. What we didn't know at the time was that his father introduced him to drugs when he was 12. By the time he turned 16 we had lost him to the world. Everything would have been different had we kept that evil man out of his life, but his mother thought he needed the connection to his real father. She was wrong. Beyond me, his real father was the Lord. His biological parent was nothing more than a role model for bad behavior.

Undeniably, raising one child is easier than raising more than one. My parents tried to raise five children, one of whom struggled with and lost a battle with Leukemia. They were overwhelmed and unable to properly raise us. Unfortunately, we suffered in a variety of ways as a result. That experience, as well as my wife's health issues, led us to only have one child. I feel very strongly about birthing no more children that you can properly raise and support.

 

[High Fidelity]

Whether it works or not is less of an issue when compared to the precedent of physical violence as a means of getting your way, proving your point, or punishment.

 

[Mudinyeri]

Whether it works or not is less of an issue when compared to the precedent of physical violence as a means of getting your way, proving your point, or punishment.

The World Health Organization defines violence as the intentional use of physical force or power, threatened or actual, against oneself, another person, or against a group or community, which either results in or has a high likelihood of resulting in injury, death, psychological harm, maldevelopment, or deprivation.

I have a very hard time putting a swat on the behind in that category - this coming from the subject of physical abuse as a child.

 

[(° ͡ ͜ ͡ʖ ͡ °) (ᵔᴥᵔʋ)]

Dr. Dobson has a very good book out called "Dare to Disipline ". I recommend it to anyone.

Sent from my SM-N915V using Tapatalk

 

[JAM2b]

I don't think it is illegal anywhere in the U.S. that I know of. It can be considered as abuse if it is taken too far, to the point of doing physical damage to a child, but there has to be evidence of that. I've heard of some parents being forbidden to spank by court order because the court found them to be abusive. In Texas it is considered child abuse to spank an infant, which is impressive for the state of Texas. They have a tendency to not act on things that they should. However, in general, I do not believe there are any laws against it.

 

[seashale76]

Spanking can be abusive, but it's not abusive by itself. I think spanking should only be a last resort or immediate need, but otherwise you should seek other forms of discipline.

I think one can effectively discipline without ever having to spank a child, but I don't automatically assume abuse just because someone does. That said, I would absolutely refuse to use spanking as a form of discipline on any child of mine. I was abused by my mother. I've been the recipient of someone losing control and going over the line more than once. Because of that, I think it is best to not tempt fate. I've seen plenty of well adjusted and well behaved kids that have never been spanked. It can be done.

 

[aiki]

I was spanked. A number of times. But I was never surprised by the spanking and my Dad never spanked me in anger. He also did not beat us. We were only ever spanked on the butt. My Dad never used his hand to spank or anything other than his belt. And the spankings didn't go on and on; they were very unpleasant but short-lived. I always knew when I was doing something worthy of a spanking. My Dad had made the rules and the consequences for breaking them very clear to us. Done this way, I don't think spanking is the least harmful to a child psychologically, but a valuable and effective tool of correction and training.

I don't recall getting spankings after the age of 8. At that point, we had been fairly well trained and were more effectively disciplined by other methods (groundings, removal of privileges, extra chores, etc.) when necessary.

I saw a mother in a parking lot unloading her young children to go into a store. There was a boy of about five or six who tumbled out of the back seat and, glad to be free of the confines of the car, instantly ran into the roadway utterly heedless of the cars moving all around him. His mother, in the middle of unloading the boy's younger sister, saw he'd got free of the car and realizing his jeopardy screamed at him to get back to the car. And she continued to scream the same command repeatedly as the boy - oblivious to his mother's voice and the terrible danger he was in - ran about in an ecstasy of freedom. I thought for sure at one point that I was going to witness the boy crushed under the wheels of a half-ton truck backing out of its parking stall. The child was so small and had run directly to the center of the rear of the vehicle so that the driver couldn't see him. The driver saw the distress of the mother, fortunately, and hit the brakes. Still oblivious, the boy continued to gambol around until his mother almost beside herself with fright snatched him up and began to scold him quite impotently.

Why do I tell this story? Because it is a lesson in the value of training your child to be instantly and carefully obedient. Repeating threats and commands to a young child does not work. On the very young child, cause and effect must be more basic and sensory. Reasoning with a little one or pleading with them to be obedient is a recipe for the very worst disaster. Sometimes, a good swat on the backside is the best means of communication and training.

Selah.

 

[Sketcher]

Spanking is a legitimate tool in the box of discipline. Use it when called for.

 

[Razare]

Problem is how people think and believe.

Most people in our culture today should not spank. If you can't spank in love, don't bother doing it.

And only a Christian can operate in true love, so there we go. Think of it how like when God corrects us. Does God hate us?
What I see is parents who get frustrated and then spank to teach their kids... but you can't do it by frustration either.