so weird problem?

[newlite]

well im not quick sure about this. ive never really gotton it. never really understood why or what. i dont know whats happening or why im like this. all i know is im really srewed up and i gotton change.

im a chirstain. i follow the bible. or try to. anyway im not quick sure if this is really anything, sin, problem, whatever, but im some what ashamed about this. i was going to make up a new name for this which means something...

here it goes...

well ive grown up feeling like a loser my whole life. this has always confused me cuz i dont see myself like this but everyone else seems to. like i saw im srewed up and have like two indenties in life or something but the guy i normally act like isnt really me. im screaming in my head and going crazy sometimes but now i see it and im trying to change. this is the thing. i have. im different. someone even told me that. but no one else seems to notice. im still where i always was...

how can i show ppl i have?

now this aint thing.

i dont know how to show ppl. they advoid them. they dont come so i can show or tell them. im still silently screaming. the only way to change ppl mind is to get them to think your cool. now i know im not. and i dont know how to be. but anyway i try. i know its not what other ppl think but what god thinks. but i cant do that. i tried. it didnt work. and it just got worse.

i guess i should finnally tell you want it is. for some reason for some time ive found ive been like this.i dont know why. the above is my best expliantion. but ive know um... find i look at little boys. not like sexually are nothing. i just look at them. there faces and stuff. i look and how there hair is and cloths they wear and talk and act, and i try to imitate them. i dont know why. once again the above is the most i got. but i dont know. i just look at them. i feel guilty for some reason too. ive told no one this. so far im still a loser. and this makes me feel more dumb.

like i said i just look at boys. i hate it. infact i hate saying the word boys now. its like a swear or something. it reminds me of these. but i can stop looking at then. on the bus going to school i look at them all. i look threw the windows of the daycare ppl i delieve to to find them. even at church i look around. i cant stand it. i just cant stop. once again i dont look at em like ill molest them or anything. im fine if i hang out with on. but i mean is it saying im gay or something? im not. i have no desire. but its just i look. ive said that 10 times now. but it doesnt seem strong enough. its just i cant stop. im like addicted or something. i told you i was wacked. some ppl batle with inappropriate content. i batle with looking at boys. i dont get it. they always younger then me to. ive wrote alot. you probably read a bit then thats it so ill stop. but i dont know. theres more to say...

 

[bleechers]

1. You are a loser. Join the club. I'm a loser too.
2. It's not about you, it's about Christ, the gospel, and the world to come.

OK. Sounds simple, but honestly, we don't have too much room here, right?

You had better come to grips with the fact that even as a Christian you are saddled with a fallen, wicked nature. The problem is that you seem to walk too often in that nature and not according to the "newness of life" found in the new creation. This is the eternal life created in you when you were born-again. Have you been born-again?

If so, the inner struggle in you is your new nature which desires the things of God warring against the old nature. The only way to survive this battle is to feed the new creature. The old man must be crucified DAILY.

The scriptures speak of the "peaceable fruits of righteousness". Righteousness comes from walking in the Spirit in the new man. Walking in the Spirit comes from recognizing the "flesh" as useless and as an enemy of the Spirit.

Don't be surprised. We all carry a dead body with us in this world. The key is to recognize the enemies of the new nature: the world, the flesh and the devil. We are not to befriend the world system; we are to flee from the devil and be aware of his craftiness; and we are to crucify the flesh.

Know that God wants you to have peace. He wants to walk in fellowship with you. He wants to Spirit to rule and to reign in your life. As a son, He will chastise you to bring you into His "peaceable fruits of righteousness" (Hebrews 12), but you must allow the Word of God to pierce your soul. You must be in the Word of God daily. You must engage in the battle (with God at your side). You must feed the new nature.

First, you must be honest with God. You must enter into war against that which you know is a problem. Confess openly to God that you hate that which is in you and ask Him to guide and direct. We all must learn to hate sin. It is not unique to you. We ALL have a body of death. We ALL must be honest before God. We ALL must war with the flesh... but victory is possible. Know that.

You need Christian fellowship, personal and systematic Bible study, and a focus on the world to come. I'll be honest, with my past, I could be in danger of adultery if I ever allowed myself to be in the wrong situation... so I never allow it to happen. I stay three steps away from even the hint of a situation that may lead to sin. It is a conscious decision made honestly before God, with an eye on eternity.

As time goes on, I learn to detest sin more and more, but we should never... NEVER... put confidence in the flesh. My new nature wants to please God. My new man wants to live in peace, but the old man is ever-present and needs to be crucified daily.

If your church is not serious about Bible study... find a new church. Get under solid teaching. Get in a fellowship that feeds the new nature and that will encourage you to walk uprightly.

Most of all, know that God is ever-present.

 

[ZiSunka]

Boy am I a loser, too!

People that have it altogether don't come to faith in Christ because they don't think they need it. It's those of us that know we are losers that crawl to Him for the forgiveness we know we need.

I battle with the same feelings of worthlessness most of the time. I feel like nothing I've ever done is good enough. It look at me, to know my life, you wouldn't think that I should stuggle the way I do, but being a person in touch with my fallen nature, I often feel the way Paul did in the Bible. He had similar struggles and wrote about them when he said, "I know the right things to do, but I end up doing the wrong things. I know the wrong things I should avoid, but I still do them."

The great thing is that as a Christian, you are part of the universe's largest support group for screw-ups and failures.

Have you ever read the book Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning? The point of the whole book is that real Christians know they are screw-ups, and they keep reaching out to God and to other screw-up Christians for support, love, and help.

It's perfectly okay to come here and tell us how you really are. We all want to please God, we all want others to notice how He has changed us and is changing us and none of us has it so together that we can't relate and feel your pain.

 

[newlite]

thanks, i know what i got to do. but somethings still keeping me from it. i dont know what. pray i over come it please. i want to.