Should I stop talking to my deviant friends?

[emilyloohoo]

Hi all,

I have recently become a born-again Christian after years of searching for the Lord. I use to lead a devious lifestyle, including drugs, alcohol, permiscious sex, and so on. I have many friends who I still communicate with that are part of the "old me". I am gradually departing from those friendships because I have nothing in common with them anymore, except for a few things. It's always a constant debate with them about God and politics (also have become a Republican). I'm tired of this and it seems that I'm the only one out there that is a moralistic conservative Christian. Should I stop talking to these people all together, or stay friends and hopefully The Lord will show through me and they will convert as well?

 

[solarwave]

Personally for most my life most of my friends were non-christian when I was a strong Christian. It didn't affect me. So it can be done, but it depends what is best for you. If Christ is the most important thing to you and your friends would pull you away from that then maybe you should. If you still consider your friends as friends and can be Christian at the same time, then you can do that.

 

[suzybeezy]

Well for the most part, I'm not as close as I was with my "old friends", but that's simply because we no longer share the same common interests. But I do have a few, and those are really great life long friends who accept that I am a Christian, and are not threatened by me speaking openly and freely about my faith when the situation arises. I've often felt that through me they may also find the Lord. One even went to church for a while on her own accord, while she didn't stick with it, I feel a seed was planted. I think maybe the Lord will use me to help grow that seed. But for you, as I did, I believe you need to take your concerns to the Lord in prayer and ask for his guidance. There were some friends I had who were just too much of darkness and I had to separate from them or they could have been damaging to my faith.

 

[Gishin]

Hi all,

I have recently become a born-again Christian after years of searching for the Lord. I use to lead a devious lifestyle, including drugs, alcohol, permiscious sex, and so on. I have many friends who I still communicate with that are part of the "old me". I am gradually departing from those friendships because I have nothing in common with them anymore, except for a few things. It's always a constant debate with them about God and politics (also have become a Republican). I'm tired of this and it seems that I'm the only one out there that is a moralistic conservative Christian. Should I stop talking to these people all together, or stay friends and hopefully The Lord will show through me and they will convert as well?

It depends. Are they the ones constantly debating you or are you trying to change them?

 

[keith99]

“The Kingdom is to be in the midst of your enemies. And he who will not suffer this does not want to be of the Kingdom of Christ; he wants to be among friends, to sit among roses and lilies, not with the bad people but the devout people. O you blasphemers and betrayers of Christ! If Christ had done what you are doing who would ever have been spared?” [from Martin Luther, as read in Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer]

​

 

[emilyloohoo]

@Gishin: They are constantly debating me and thinking that I am judging them. I believe that they think I am judging them because they know that what they do is a sin, and therefore, they feel guilt. They internalize that into thinking I am judging them. I never look down upon them openly, I just simply feel sad for them and wish they would come to the Lord and find the love and peace that I now do.

@Suzy: I feel sometimes that they are damaging to my faith as well. They like to stay up all night and drink. I really am trying to remove myself from that lifestyle entirely. Another issue I have is that my current boyfriend who is a Christian as well hangs out with these people. He likes to drink over there and stays up late to the detrement of his job. I feel like he isn't going in the same direction as me spiritually. I don't want to judge him or make him feel bad, but I am having strong feelings about my faith. I feel like he is pulling me away from the Lord as well sometimes.

 

[joey_downunder]

You're in quite a challenging situation! It's part of the christian faith though, learning how to juggle "being in the world but not of the world". Both extremes can be just as damaging to you and your relationships. Saint Augustine said it well: "Love, and do what you like." If you love God enough you will seek to please Him first. (Remember of course God alone is perfect).

With your old friends fearing you'll judge them: all you can do is to make sure that you let them know you accept them as people even though you may disagree with some of their personal choices (including sinful ones).


I am actually more concerned about your boyfriend. It's not that he's drinking, it's that it sounds like he is less serious about his faith than you are. If it is developing into a serious relationship then please remember that it can be very challenging being married to an atheist who has completely different priorities to you - I know because I am married to one. I have also heard christian wives say (very unhappily) with their christian husbands that they may as well have married an atheist.

 

[Eudaimonist]

I don't think that one should have friends for ulterior motives. Be genuine.

If you enjoy hanging around your old friends, feel free. But if you feel that they are a drain on you, there's no reason to stick around. Do what is right for you.


eudaimonia,

Mark

 

[emilyloohoo]

Thank you everyone for your input. As far as my boyfriend is concerned, he's Christian actually and he's the one who showed me the way into Christianity. I am the one who took him back to Church after 8 years of not going(him). He constantly says that I help him stay on the path of the Lord. But I feel that his old lifestyle is still pulling him away. I know it's his friends and the temptation of sin still there. We both have similar backgrounds as far as partying goes. But I am completely done with that lifestyle and I don't think he's completely ready to move on, even though he says it quite a bit. I am sticking by him because I love him and I feel like we're perfect together, but the other part makes it hard sometimes. I should pray about it and see what God says.

 

[suzybeezy]

You said that your boyfriend helped bring you to your faith, which is wonderful. And now God is touching your heart to separate yourself from this kind of lifestyle. Maybe now is your time to be an example to your boyfriend by separating from what can be damaging to your faith. You can't and shouldn't force him he shouldn't be around those people, but you can talk with him about what you're feeling and how you feel God is leading. You can also lead by example and find Christian friends you can hang out with and he'll start to see the difference and the falling away will just happen naturally.

 

[emilyloohoo]

I agree %100 with you. I've decided that one hour at church once a week isn't enough for me, so I'm attending bible study before service every Sunday. Hopefully I can meet new friends that way. I'm so excited to have God in my life now. How increadibly satisfying. Indescrible really.

 

[Ampersand]

The lady doth praise too much.

I think it's really sad that you would sacrifice your relationship with your friends in the name of your religeon.

 

[emilyloohoo]

I praise too much? And yes, I am willing to "sacrafice" my relationships with my friends in order to follow God more closely. I can't hang around people who do drugs and have permiscuous sex and all the while remaining a good Christian. Those people only bring me down.

 

[Ampersand]

It's a Shakespeare reference, Emily.

 

[emilyloohoo]

Yes I *know*, I was just wondering why you would say that.

 

[razeontherock]

Hi all,

I have recently become a born-again Christian after years of searching for the Lord. I use to lead a devious lifestyle, including drugs, alcohol, permiscious sex, and so on. I have many friends who I still communicate with that are part of the "old me". I am gradually departing from those friendships because I have nothing in common with them anymore, except for a few things. It's always a constant debate with them about God and politics (also have become a Republican). I'm tired of this and it seems that I'm the only one out there that is a moralistic conservative Christian. Should I stop talking to these people all together, or stay friends and hopefully The Lord will show through me and they will convert as well?

I'm late to the party but this is an EXCELLENT question!

We consistently see in the Word that we are to remain in whatever "station" we were in when we came to the Lord. THAT is our testimony! That those who actually know you, see the difference. This will likely not = "staying friends."

Don't compromise! Don't use your "sword" to cut off people's heads! Observing just those 2 things will constrain you to a very narrow road indeed ... if some choose to end not only friendship but all contact, leave them in Peace but let it be their decision, and make sure it's very plain that the reason is they reject Christ in you - not legalism. (That's a hard trap to avoid)

 

[razeontherock]

The lady doth praise too much.

I think it's really sad that you would sacrifice your relationship with your friends in the name of your religeon.

I think it's really sad that one would sacrifice their relationship w/ the Lord for people who really don't care about you at all, but still name themselves "friends."

 

[BleedingHeart]

I think it's really sad that one would sacrifice their relationship w/ the Lord for people who really don't care about you at all, but still name themselves "friends."

As far as I'm concerned it's trading a group of lousy friends for nothing at all. But then again, I can sort of relate to her problem. Most of my friends at college are pricks. Most of them drink even though they legally can't. A few smoke pot. All of them have pretty much done their share of stupid things.
Every Wednesday I go to church with one of my born again friends and it's nice just to sit back, poorly sing some hymns, and bask in the pseudo-morality of the Christian religion. You may think I'm being sarcastic but I'm actually not. Faith Baptist every Wednesday.

 

[razeontherock]

Not only do I not think you're being sarcastic, but I know very well that many if not most of those in pews are doing little more than "basking in the pseudo-morality of religion." Having no more of Christ's Power than you do.

Our OP is not one of those!

I find that looking at your Weds eve experience from this angle will not lead to long-term benefit; but if it provokes thought and exposes you to new perspectives, it's still gotta be a good thing.

 

[emilyloohoo]

I think it's really sad that one would sacrifice their relationship w/ the Lord for people who really don't care about you at all, but still name themselves "friends."

Amen