Secular dating easier than Christian dating due to no hang-ups

[ThisIsMe123]

As unusual as the title may sound, I was doing a Google search on this topic, and had come across message boards of Christian singles suffering the same plight. "I'm Frustrated Trying To Date Christian Women"

The whole "I'm dating Jesus" thing or "I think of you as a brother in Christ" excuses.

It appears when though a guy is looking for a Christian woman to date, there is never really what appears to be honest communication from the Christian, and they hide behind their faith as a reason to side-step their real answers. Where as secular types tend to be more candid if things aren't working out.

There are concerns about even if you did get into a dating relationship with a Christian woman (or man), that everything would have to be so legalistic. This is where people lose sight of dating and the getting to know you process. It's rather unnatural.

An excerpt:

I'll set aside the 'unequally yoked' speech (which I'm sure you'll get from half the comments here) and risk the downvotes by saying that I don't blame you. There's following God and there's religion, and religious people can be the worst. It can be refreshing to just hang with people who don't carry the baggage of years of repression and judgment and insipid rules (like how quick you can kiss or how fast you're going to hell if your divorce wasn't exactly in line with the sometimes vague language in the Bible).

Also:

I think when people note the steep dropoff of younger people who identify as religious/churchgoers, that culture is largely responsible. Millennials and younger generations want realness, and it can be hard to find there.

The link to the post is up top (right), there's a good amount of insight, and it definitely resonates with me.

It's ironic, that even though unequally yoked, that you can connect and be compatible in every other way with a secular person, if you set religion/faith aside. This is how frustrating it can be.

I've been talking to a Christian woman that is this way, and she's told me she's been on very few dates, and the dates she had been on, she did meet in church, but apparently, she didn't think they thirst for Christ as much as she did....like...they weren't at her level....regardless of their faith. And they're all Christian across the board, just didn't share the same "thirst" for it as she did.

 

[DragonFox91]

Are they reallly Christians or are they pop Christians? Many girls say they are Christians but they are not. Many men do this too. Their parents are Christians so they think that means they are. They go to church on Christmas & Easter, so they think they are a Christian. They said 'Jesus loves me' once & felt a fuzzy feeling & think that means they're a Christian. They have a a Christian friend, they think that means they are a Christian
This is the bigger problem.

I think they'd be pretty common Reddit. Reddit, to put it lightly, is a cesspool & is pretty toxic & full of negative people. I'm guessing the few Christians there are pop Christians. Just stay away from it. Sometimes I venture into Reddit & always leave depressed. It's a black hole for the soul.

"religious people can be the worst." That's a redflag of a pop Christian, friend.

" that even though unequally yoked, that you can connect and be compatible in every other way with a secular person, if you set religion/faith aside. This is how frustrating it can be." I don't understand how this is possible. For genuine Christians, Jesus is our life. It's impossible to connect & be compatible w/ someone who's secular & doesn't care for God. I've noticed secular people tend not to live like Christians too. If you prefer the company of pagans, you should question your own faith.

You only need to be worried about one. Do not worry about what all the others are doing. Don't worry what the pop Christians & pagans are doing.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Are they reallly Christians or are they pop Christians? Many girls say they are Christians but they are not. Many men do this too. Their parents are Christians so they think that means they are. They go to church on Christmas & Easter, so they think they are a Christian. They said 'Jesus loves me' once & felt a fuzzy feeling & think that means they're a Christian. They have a a Christian friend, they think that means they are a Christian
This is the bigger problem.

I think they'd be pretty common Reddit. Reddit, to put it lightly, is a cesspool & is pretty toxic & full of negative people. I'm guessing the few Christians there are pop Christians. Just stay away from it. Sometimes I venture into Reddit & always leave depressed. It's a black hole for the soul.

"religious people can be the worst." That's a redflag of a pop Christian, friend.

" that even though unequally yoked, that you can connect and be compatible in every other way with a secular person, if you set religion/faith aside. This is how frustrating it can be." I don't understand how this is possible. For genuine Christians, Jesus is our life. It's impossible to connect & be compatible w/ someone who's secular & doesn't care for God. I've noticed secular people tend not to live like Christians too. If you prefer the company of pagans, you should question your own faith.

You only need to be worried about one. Do not worry about what all the others are doing. Don't worry what the pop Christians & pagans are doing.

The Christian sub-reddits are just like any message board like this one. There are also non-reddit message boards like this one where people talk of the same things. The struggles of finding a Christian sig. other and the hiding behind their religion as an excuse.

She'd change her mind about what God told her if he was tall, dark , and handsome enough.

"I prayed about it, and God told me that we're not a good match" and I'm like "No He didn't, that was a decision you made on your own, just say you didn't feel any chemistry or felt like you had nothing in common...don't be so vague"

Speaking of pagans, it was much later on in life that someone quoted to me in the Bible about celebrating Halloween, Easter, Christmas, and going to church services on Sunday and not Saturday, is sinful. I was like "What? I never heard of such a thing!" Apparently, I just learned that Saturday is the only day that's the sabbath that we should be going to church.

I'd never be compatible with these types. Never was actually when I would encounter them, since I grew up my whole life hanging out with friends and neighbors celebrating these "pagan" holidays the traditional way.

"religious people can be the worst." That's a redflag of a pop Christian, friend.

It's actually a very valid since me and my family had experienced the brunt of the two-faced Christians in life. My dad had to deal with it in the Bible belt of Florida as a cop. When you're a cop, you see the true hypocrisy of the so-called "born again" Christians he dealt with.
His boss told him to let a certain someone from church off a ticket because he's "born again" (this can be a red flag as well)...I could go on, but I'll leave it at that. They also had a prejudice against Yankees (northerners). But that's the south for you.

 

[DragonFox91]

I am sorry what you are going thru. It's easy to get frustrated. It's a very hard topic. & it isn't easy to meet one, especially as a Christian. Trust God. He is good & faithful

The Christian sub-reddits are just like any message board like this one. There are also non-reddit message boards like this one where people talk of the same things. The struggles of finding a Christian sig. other and the hiding behind their religion as an excuse.

How many times has this happened to you? What was your relationship w/ them like?

She'd change her mind about what God told her if he was tall, dark , and handsome enough.

Who is she?
I see women all the time who are married to Average Joe's & Below Average Joe's. Anyone can get married. Anyone. It comes from God. If God says 'this person shall be married', than that person will be married. There is no specific type he says can't get married. Don't place his ways in a box. It's clear he doesn't.

"I prayed about it, and God told me that we're not a good match" and I'm like "No He didn't, that was a decision you made on your own, just say you didn't feel any chemistry or felt like you had nothing in common...don't be so vague"

There may be truth in what they say. I've heard stories of women being led to men they wanted with what they thought was all their heart, & then they prayed about it, & realized the man really wouldn't be what they wanted. So they had to say no, even tho they really really wanted him. There are genuine people out there.
& men themselves say 'I prayed about it, God says we should be together!' when it's really just their feelings talking. You be careful not to do this, friend

Speaking of pagans, it was much later on in life that someone quoted to me in the Bible about celebrating Halloween, Easter, Christmas, and going to church services on Sunday and not Saturday, is sinful. I was like "What? I never heard of such a thing!" Apparently, I just learned that Saturday is the only day that's the sabbath that we should be going to church.

I've heard a couple things about what the Saturday / Sunday controversy.
One says a Jewish day doesn't start at 12 am, but much much later, where worship on Sunday morning still falls on a Saturday in the Jewish system.
Other people think the church did move it & it's not right.
Other people think the church did move it but they worshipped on Easter morning in the Bible anyways so it is right.
I don't know. I think it's a mix of the 1st & 3rd one.

I think Christmas & Easter are overly secular & paganized so understand why many Christians push back on them to the extreme.

I'd never be compatible with these types. Never was actually when I would encounter them, since I grew up my whole life hanging out with friends and neighbors celebrating these "pagan" holidays the traditional way.

Then don't worry about those types

It's actually a very valid since me and my family had experienced the brunt of the two-faced Christians in life. My dad had to deal with it in the Bible belt of Florida as a cop. When you're a cop, you see the true hypocrisy of the so-called "born again" Christians he dealt with.
His boss told him to let a certain someone from church off a ticket because he's "born again" (this can be a red flag as well)...I could go on, but I'll leave it at that. They also had a prejudice against Yankees (northerners). But that's the south for you.

I'm a Yankee. The Yankees think the South is a bunch of redneck hicks & backward Christians who are just trying to oppress people & use the Bible as an excuse. They think since the South was for slavery they were immune to racism, but they still try to tie any God-fearing Christian in the North to a Civil War era Southerner. Although the North was (is?) just as racist. They teach stereotyping is wrong but dont' teach not to stereotype the South. They are hypocritical. People are misguided everywhere. Whether a Yankee or Southerner. And I'm tired of the intellectual moral-superiority war that rages on to this day between them.
Hopefully as more Northerners & Westerners move down to the South, these stereotypes will end, but I doubt it. People need a scapegoat. Mankind's heart doesn't change as much 'progress' is made.

 

[DragonFox91]

LOL Not to offend you you might be a nice guy but actually if my adult daughter was thinking to dating you I'd tell her Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. (not that she would necessarily listen to me) but I"d tell her he has a issue of trusting people and gravitates towards NOT giving people the benefit of the doubt in what they're saying. Im not saying one should be gullible and just accept what one is always claiming but there should be something within one which says they might not have within themselves the ABSOLUTE knowledge that a person is sincere. They very well might be telling you the truth .

Be careful of that line of thinking. He may just be venting. This is not an easy subject for many of us. Many of us have been struggling for a long long time & some days just get especially frustrated. But you may be right. God probably still needs to work still in many of us. I know I used to believe a lot of lies. God's worked away at them but sometimes they come back & there's some he is still fighting.

Good post tho, I like it. You speak a lot of truth.

 

[Citanul]

It's ironic, that even though unequally yoked, that you can connect and be compatible in every other way with a secular person, if you set religion/faith aside. This is how frustrating it can be.

Yep, been there. I dated someone last year who apart from our differences in faith was an ideal match for me. Similar age, similar background, interests in common, so we got along really well. It didn't work out for reasons unrelated to her being a non-believer, but is so frustrating not being able to meet Christian women like that.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Yep, been there. I dated someone last year who apart from our differences in faith was an ideal match for me. Similar age, similar background, interests in common, so we got along really well. It didn't work out for reasons unrelated to her being a non-believer, but is so frustrating not being able to meet Christian women like that.

Yeah, same here...I met a woman at a Christian group, we went out, had been compatible...and she told me she doesn't believe in kissing before marriage. I mentioned how I never heard of such an odd thing in my life, even told my other Christians about it, and they too...that it wasn't normal. We mutually ended things based on that mostly.

Also, I'm not saying I don't trust any Christians, I just take everything with a grain of salt.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

So what about Oh well you're so compatible with the secular person. Probably you're not as much as you might think. OK you marry them.....OK what get's put on television each day? Let's face it the average home has the dumb thing on 2-3 hours a day.....so your spouse isn't a Christian....so what's the spiritual atmosphere they want to have in the home?

You refer to watching TV as "dumb"? Not sure how that ties into what you said in this paragraph. You lost me. Everyone has their interests, their hobbies. I also like board games...do you think those are dumb too?

 

[DragonFox91]

Yeah, same here...I met a woman at a Christian group, we went out, had been compatible...and she told me she doesn't believe in kissing before marriage. I mentioned how I never heard of such an odd thing in my life, even told my other Christians about it, and they too...that it wasn't normal. We mutually ended things based on that mostly.

Weren't you just complaining they use religion as an excuse to not date someone? It sounds to me like you rejected them & used their religion as an excuse. Then you talk about "born again" people being hypocritical but when they stay true, you don't like that either.

You have an idea of what counts as a religious girl, the girls who are religious you think are too religious. Maybe the problem isn't them.

I pray I could meet a girl like that woman.........She is right. A relationship cannot be built on physical affection. It only leads to problems.

 

[Miles]

I find that it's more a matter of "6 of one vs. half dozen of the other". The fact that I'm a Christian can be a major hangup for secular women. Sure, a secular woman may be less likely to mind when I listen to secular music, for instance, but how does she feel about the fact that I also listen to Christian music? Or what about the fact that I attribute thought and thankfulness to God throughout the day? Secular women are rarely interested in that sort of thing, but it's important to me.

Even if we're talking about Christian women, the way that my relationship with God informs my life choices can ironically be a pretty big hangup. The distinction between worldly behavior and Christian values is less apparent than it used to be. For instance, many Christians now live together before marriage. That doesn't sit well with me. I'm also not particularly loud or flashy about my relationship with God. Whether this has more to do with my temperament or background is hard to say, but it's more a matter-of-fact thing rather than an identity to be worn like a hat. So many self-proclaimed Christians these days are worldly and place more importance on speaking "Christianese", focusing on a number of superficial things that put us on a different wavelength.

Sure, it can be nice to meet secular women that I Get along with, but they go into the "just friends" category. Although they may be attractive in some ways, they're not relationship material. Similar can be said for Christian women who don't particularly click with me.

There's more to compatibility than being Christian. Likewise, there's more to compatibility than what falls outside of its scope. I think it's important to have both. Two individuals who genuinely care about their relationship with God while also sharing other likes and dislikes in common.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I find that it's more a matter of "6 of one vs. half dozen of the other". The fact that I'm a Christian can be a major hangup for secular women. Sure, a secular woman may be less likely to mind when I listen to secular music, for instance, but how does she feel about the fact that I also listen to Christian music? Or what about the fact that I attribute thought and thankfulness to God throughout the day? Secular women are rarely interested in that sort of thing, but it's important to me.

Even if we're talking about Christian women, the way that my relationship with God informs my life choices can ironically be a pretty big hangup. The distinction between worldly behavior and Christian values is less apparent than it used to be. For instance, many Christians now live together before marriage. That doesn't sit well with me. I'm also not particularly loud or flashy about my relationship with God. Whether this has more to do with my temperament or background is hard to say, but it's more a matter-of-fact thing rather than an identity to be worn like a hat. So many self-proclaimed Christians these days are worldly and place more importance on speaking "Christianese", focusing on a number of superficial things that put us on a different wavelength.

Sure, it can be nice to meet secular women that I Get along with, but they go into the "just friends" category. Although they may be attractive in some ways, they're not relationship material. Similar can be said for Christian women who don't particularly click with me.

There's more to compatibility than being Christian. Likewise, there's more to compatibility than what falls outside of its scope. I think it's important to have both. Two individuals who genuinely care about their relationship with God while also sharing other likes and dislikes in common.

Yeah, finding that sweet spot is a challenge.

 

[High Fidelity]

Of course it's easier. There are fewer standards, fewer expectations of them and between them and in some cases, none at all.

No one said being a Christian is easy, hence why we were told to bear our own cross. Being a cross-bearing Christian at the time that was said carried far greater penalties and hardship than not having someone to watch Netflix with. We're also told of the many and the few; even those who profess, many will not be suitable.

I think some serious perspective is needed here.

 

[Tranquil Bondservant]

The fault lies with comparing Christian marriage with marriage in the world. The one who follows Christ pursues a lifelong partnership with someone in, with and for Christ. They have different standards because the definition of marriage is different. For example we're called to love our spouses like Christ loved the Church; how did He love the Church? "He gave Himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25). We as Christians are called to a love that cannot be replicated in the world and is only accessible by the Spirit of God. To pour ourselves out in love for the one whom God unites us with. Also the end goal for dating is different as for Christians it's marriage, for the world when it's not about marriage it's about hooking up and sin.

The reason that secular dating seems a lot easier is because it is. The parameters and the reason for dating when you're in the world are completely and utterly arbitrary desire. The relationships that are established are often like a building without a foundation, the foundation of sacrifice and love from a pure heart towards one's own flesh doesn't exist ("for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church" Eph 5:29). The vows that would be given at the altar have no reason to be kept because there exists nothing to make vows binding beyond desire, which in a secular world based on pleasure and indulging the senses in base sinful desires, fades quicker than the dew of the grass. If you want to date like the world then the relationship that will be built will die by the very same sword. The mortar and foundation for its building needs to be rooted in Christ, else you're building a decomposing shack made of dung and straw on the sand.

My friend I have engaged you on a couple of your threads in regards to your perspective and what I believe to be its unbiblical foundations; specifically in a recent post where you are speaking badly about and object to a woman who simply loved Christ, for loving Christ. If it had just been a single thread then you would hear very little objections, however, it's continually the same thing:
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) and etc/et al.

I understand that dating is hard and rejection even more so. You have done the right thing in terms of not rushing into marriage so I'm sure it is incredibly frustrating, however, I think that you've crossed a line, are engaging in double standards and doing the wrong thing by continually disparaging women who are trying to follow Christ. In this current post you're objecting to a woman who wants someone who loves God as much or more than them. That's one of the greatest things you can have in a spouse. Please re-assess your objections and the reasons for them.

God bless .

Edit: Punctuation & grammar

 

[Aussie Pete]

As unusual as the title may sound, I was doing a Google search on this topic, and had come across message boards of Christian singles suffering the same plight. "I'm Frustrated Trying To Date Christian Women"

The whole "I'm dating Jesus" thing or "I think of you as a brother in Christ" excuses.

It appears when though a guy is looking for a Christian woman to date, there is never really what appears to be honest communication from the Christian, and they hide behind their faith as a reason to side-step their real answers. Where as secular types tend to be more candid if things aren't working out.

There are concerns about even if you did get into a dating relationship with a Christian woman (or man), that everything would have to be so legalistic. This is where people lose sight of dating and the getting to know you process. It's rather unnatural.

An excerpt:

I'll set aside the 'unequally yoked' speech (which I'm sure you'll get from half the comments here) and risk the downvotes by saying that I don't blame you. There's following God and there's religion, and religious people can be the worst. It can be refreshing to just hang with people who don't carry the baggage of years of repression and judgment and insipid rules (like how quick you can kiss or how fast you're going to hell if your divorce wasn't exactly in line with the sometimes vague language in the Bible).

Also:

I think when people note the steep dropoff of younger people who identify as religious/churchgoers, that culture is largely responsible. Millennials and younger generations want realness, and it can be hard to find there.

The link to the post is up top (right), there's a good amount of insight, and it definitely resonates with me.

It's ironic, that even though unequally yoked, that you can connect and be compatible in every other way with a secular person, if you set religion/faith aside. This is how frustrating it can be.

I've been talking to a Christian woman that is this way, and she's told me she's been on very few dates, and the dates she had been on, she did meet in church, but apparently, she didn't think they thirst for Christ as much as she did....like...they weren't at her level....regardless of their faith. And they're all Christian across the board, just didn't share the same "thirst" for it as she did.

Yes, many are "setting aside" religion/faith these days. It may explain why there are so many drug addicts, rampant crime, gun violence in America, single mothers and mental health problems. Of course, if it helps you get a date............... I married an unbeliever. She seemed OK at the time. Churchgoer and such. I advise against it, unless you are a [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse].

Women's unrealistic expectation is a problem in secular as well as Christian circles. I listened to a secular psychologist who specialised in relationships. His basic message? "Ladies, lower your expectations".

I'm 72 and most Christians that I know are either married or widowed. But Christian women who seek some kind of spiritual superman are destined to be single for life. The man they want (much like secular women) either does not exist or is married already.

 

[Tranquil Bondservant]

I hate this sort of advice as it implies that single Christians are deficient in their faith. Yes, some of the things mentioned in this thread are trivial, but to suggest that Christians aren't looking to God is completely uncalled for.

I don't think he's saying that Christians are deficient in faith, but rather that the priority should be to seek God in faith. It's advice about direction and the manner in which we're engaging in existence/life. It's true too and it's not just true about spouses but about everything in this life. I believe it's correct and good advice.

 

[Citanul]

I don't think he's saying that Christians are deficient in faith, but rather that the priority should be to seek God in faith. It's advice about direction and the manner in which we're engaging in existence/life. It's true too and it's not just true about spouses but about everything in this life. I believe it's correct and good advice.

That I have no problem with. But there are people who have been seeking God in faith for years but remain single and it's a burden on them. They're followed a very different path from someone who was married over 40 years ago in their early 20s, so that person telling them that all they need to do is seek God in faith and they'll be rewarded with a spouse does come across as telling them that they haven't been doing it properly/sufficiently (even if that was unintentional), and can be hurtful.

 

[Tranquil Bondservant]

That I have no problem with. But there are people who have been seeking God in faith for years but remain single and it's a burden on them. They're followed a very different path from someone who was married over 40 years ago in their early 20s, so that person telling them that all they need to do is seek God in faith and they'll be rewarded with a spouse does come across as telling them that they haven't been doing it properly/sufficiently (even if that was unintentional), and can be hurtful.

He didn't say anything of the things which you have actual problems with so I'm not quite sure what your objection is. You need to keep in mind that he's talking about someone who is continually treating dating as a Christian in a manner that's akin to secular dating, for an example see the OP or see:

My friend I have engaged you on a couple of your threads in regards to your perspective and what I believe to be its unbiblical foundations; specifically in a recent post where you are speaking badly about and object to a woman who simply loved Christ, for loving Christ. If it had just been a single thread then you would hear very little objections, however, it's continually the same thing:
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) and etc/et al.

If someone is doing this you're supposed to point them in the right direction; i.e., seeking God.

Also in my opinion his experience should be welcomed by all in the singles section. Given that he has actually done what people here desire (apart from those who are celibate). I understand it can feel condescending but it also can be helpful, edifying and what some people need to hear. When you're sick and want to get better you don't go to someone who knows nothing about diseases, you go to someone who has experience with them.

 

[Miles]

That I have no problem with. But there are people who have been seeking God in faith for years but remain single and it's a burden on them. They're followed a very different path from someone who was married over 40 years ago in their early 20s, so that person telling them that all they need to do is seek God in faith and they'll be rewarded with a spouse does come across as telling them that they haven't been doing it properly/sufficiently (even if that was unintentional), and can be hurtful.

That is a bit tone deaf, to be charitable. To the long-term single person who faithfully wants a spouse, that kind of advice can come across like telling a childless couple who wants to have children that if only they had faith they would start a family. Especially, to those who were young adults during the "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" era.

Even if the advice wasn't intended as such, it's still apt to rub older single Christians the wrong way. We've seen many tie the knot early despite their lack of faith. Suggesting we just need more faith to get a spouse as a "reward" is unhelpful. In fact, some are still single because they have faith. Not because their faith is lacking. At least he mentioned God's timing. That part is helpful, as too many rush into bad relationships early on. Depending on what we're looking for, who we marry is arguably more important than when we marry.

I agree with what you're saying, overall. If he was applying that to everyone who is single or if he was posting that in every discussion thread about the struggles of finding a partner, I'd think it was a bit shortsighted and unhelpful advice. However, he's sharing that in this particular discussion. Some things have been stated in this specific thread that would absolutely indicate a focus on things that are not important in a Christian relationship. So while I agree with you that we can't apply his advice to every particular situation, the advice has merit overall. His advice is a good contrast actually to all the negative and divisive dating threads that keep cropping up here.

With regard to the OP, I'm pretty sure that he is venting. The women he talks about in these threads are consistently Christian, and I don't see many people suggesting that he date non-believers. There are more single non-believers to choose from compared to single Christians, yet they lack the essential ingredient of faith. And what single Christian women are available aren't necessarily compatible in other ways. People are allowed to share their frustrations and then get back on track. It can be therapeutic to do so, within reason. As long as it doesn't turn into bashing the opposite sex or a pity party.

 

[Citanul]

He didn't say anything of the things which you have actual problems with so I'm not quite sure what your objection is.

"look folks.....if you really want a girl friend or potential spouse....start looking to God and I mean really really looking to God to bring it about."

Also in my opinion his experience should be welcomed by all in the singles section. Given that he has actually done what people here desire (apart from those who are celibate). I understand it can feel condescending but it also can be helpful, edifying and what some people need to hear. When you're sick and want to get better you don't go to someone who knows nothing about diseases, you go to someone who has experience with them.

Yes, he's done what people here desire, but he's done it in his early 20s. He hasn't struggled with being single, so his experience is not the same as many of the people he's giving advice to. It's the combination of the advice and where it's coming from that results in a misplaced message.

I'm not saying that married people's experiences are of no value for single people, but it can be a very sensitive topic.

 

[DragonFox91]

I wanted to add a quick thought. I think answers to prayer can come in different forms. Obviously, we all wish for the answer to prayer to be a spouse. That may not always be the outcome. We do live in a time where there are not many serious Christians and many who do profess to be Christian are living very secular lifestyles and focused on very materialistic criteria when it comes to selecting a partner. It can be extremely difficult to encounter someone who would be a suitable partner. Perhaps for some the answer to their prayer may actually come in the form of contentment and strength to embrace their current situation. Not everyone will end up married. Jeremiah is a good example. God told him he was not to marry. A No can be just as much an answer to prayer as the arrival of a spouse. I think we can't judge anyone who has seriously prayed for a spouse as having a lack of faith if the outcome has not resulted in marriage. That being said, I think the advice to really seek God for a spouse and to have faith is great advice. That's what we all should be doing. That prayer can either result in acceptance and contentment with our current situation or wisdom and direction in how to meet someone.

A couple months ago I listened to a sermon about all the No's people in the Bible got. It happens. You are right. A no doesn't have to be disappointing. Since we are God's children, what he wants for us is the best for us, whatever that takes. If we never get married, then clearly we can say it would've been a disaster being married. It's really hard to remember this sometimes, but most of us, if not all of us, have the same blessings a married person would. Paul says in some ways we have even more blessings. Or a different kind of blessing.
But God knows there's many secular people out there & knows our hearts. Remember what we've discussed in the past: he's not limited to what 'everyone's' doing. He's not limited to the difficulty us meeting a Christian partner. The truth is there's so many different kinds of people, it should be impossible for even a pagan to find a partner, someone perfect for them, someone who can understand them, desire them, want to care for them, & really know them, but he brings even the pagans their partners. Think about that. The human heart is so depraved even a pagan should not be able to find a marriage partner in a world of pagans. Jesus talks about this. The pagans chase after these things, & the Father provides for the pagans, so surely he knows your heart & works for your good b/c you are his children.
Yes, seek God for a spouse. It comes from God. God even brings it to the pagans. They can't even do it on their own. They think they are doing it on their own, it looks like they're doing it on their own, but they are not. God is soverign & good. & how do you seek God for a spouse? You put God in your fullest priority. What will happen is either it will be confirmed it's a no & your desires will be rearranged, or you will find it's a yes & you had to put God first.

The issue I run into is how do I put God in fullest priority. How do I know I'm doing something for him & not just hoping it leads to a wife? I know I have the passion for God, there's things I do I know won't directly lead me to her, but sometimes the 2 just seem so intertwined, it's hard to know you're giving him your fullest priority.