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Scared of sex!!!

Discussion in 'Struggles with Sexuality' started by Hishandmaiden, Mar 17, 2011.

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  1. Hishandmaiden

    Hishandmaiden The Humble Servant

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    My husband wants to have sex with me, but I am scared of it.
    I felt that having sex is wrong, dirty.
    I do not know what kind of sex is all right in the eyes of God.

    Sorry for this sensitive question.

    1) Is kissing all right? I mean, my husband tried to lick my tongue with his tongue. Is that okay?

    2) My husband tried to lick my body with his tongue and I stopped him. I felt that was gross.

    Is that any information I can look into, to learn more about sex, the God-approved way.

    Thanks for your help. I am kind of upset by my husband's display of intimacy towards me.
     
  2. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

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    "Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: 'It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.' But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." - 1 Corinthians 7:1-5

    Sex within marriage is not sinful. It is to be a loving act where the husband and the wife serve each other. It's supposed to make both of you feel good and draw you closer to each other.
     
  3. singpeace

    singpeace Senior Member

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    The ultimate joining together of a man and woman is the joining together of two spirits; of two minds; and of two bodies. The most intimate knowledge of marriage partners comes about through these three joinings in a Christian marriage. This is why Christians can have a much more stimulating sex life than non-Christians. Non-Christians cannot join together in the spirit. They lack that extra dimension.

    The Bible says that marriage partners should offer their bodies to each other in marriage and should not deny each other except for a short season for fasting (see I Corinthians 7:5). God made men and women sexual beings. There is no sin in marital sex.

    Sex in marriage is good and holy and ordained of God.

    The importance of sexual intercourse and the role of desire appear numerous times in Genesis. Eve is told that despite the pain of childbirth, "your desire shall be for your husband" (Gen 3:16). Sarah describes sexual intercourse as "pleasure" (Genesis 18:12). Isaac is noticed "fondling his wife Rebekah" (Gen 26:8).

    The Song of Solomon celebrates erotic love between a man and a woman in a remarkably mutual relationship.

    My beloved thrust his hand into the opening,
    and my inmost being yearned for him.
    I arose to open to my beloved,
    and my hand dripped with myrrh,
    my fingers with liquid myrrh...(Song 5:4-5).
    How fair and pleasant you are
    O loved one, delectable maiden!
    You are stately as a palm tree
    and your breasts are like its clusters.
    I say I will climb the palm tree
    and lay hold of its branches.
    Oh, may your breasts be like
    clusters of the vine,
    and the scent of your breath like apples,
    and your kisses like the best wine
    that goes down smoothly
    gliding over lips and teeth...(Song 7:6-9).


    Talk to your husband about your feelings. Be brutally honest if you can. Ask him to be patient with you. Both of you should pray together and alone about this dilemma. God can and will work it out if you are both willing to hear his instruction and be guided by His Spirit.
     
  4. Hishandmaiden

    Hishandmaiden The Humble Servant

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    I am a christian woman, with a wonderful christian husband.
    However, one thing often hindered our intimacies and this is my fear of sex.

    Everytime my husband want to come near me in a sexual manner, I get terrified.

    Is there any good christian book on handling sex the christian way, that I can look into, so that I can give to my husband his sexual desire for me?
     
  5. Matariki

    Matariki Love the Lord with all your heart, soul and MIND

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    What is it in particular that scares you about being intimate with your partner?
    Is is the concept of intercourse?
     
  6. Ps145

    Ps145 Guest

    There is a great one. Song of Solomon. Also, Dr. David Jeremiah recently did a study on that book. He offered some great insights.

    DavidJeremiah.org

    You can go to the archives, and listen to the whole series on Song of Solomon.
     
  7. Luther073082

    Luther073082 κύριε ἐλέησον χριστὲ ἐλέησον

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    I think you need to get some professional help. It sounds like you may have a phobia of sex for some reason or another.
     
  8. visionary

    visionary Your God is my God... Ruth said, so say I. Supporter

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    "Intimate Issues" to any women who still believe that sex is dirty.
     
  9. citizenthom

    citizenthom I'm not sayin'. I'm just sayin'.

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    How long have you been married? What is your husband's reaction to your fear? What sort of premarital counseling did you have on the subject?

    Not to be too intrusive (you need not even answer if this is just enough to get your mind going), but do you have a history of sexual abuse? Perhaps something in your childhood? You may even have some repressed or partially-repressed memories you need to work through with a counselor and with your husband (he absolutely must know what happened to build trust and so he can avoid your "triggers").
     
  10. heymikey80

    heymikey80 Quidquid Latine dictum sit, altum viditur

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    Discuss with him what seems gross or unhealthy to you. Sexuality isn't something to be tolerated or endured by either husband or wife.
     
  11. chilehed

    chilehed Veteran

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    I've been hesitant to respond, because a woman might have more credibility here.

    In the Song of Songs, God speaks of marital love using the lanugage of food:
    (The Bride):
    As an apple tree among the trees of the woods,
    so is my lover among men.
    I delight to rest in his shadow,
    and his fruit is sweet to my mouth....

    (The Groom):
    Your navel is a round bowl
    that should never lack for mixed wine.
    Your body is a heap of wheat
    encircled with lilies....

    Your very figure is like a palm tree,
    your breasts are like clusters.
    I said: I will climb the palm tree,
    I will take hold of its branches.
    Now let your breasts be like clusters of the vine
    and the fragrance of your breath like apples,
    And your mouth like an excellent wine-
    that flows smoothly for my lover,
    spreading over the lips and the teeth.​
    It's ecstatic language, and it sure sounds to me like it's encouraging the behavior that you're having difficulty with. The exact thing to do with a cluster of the vine is to enjoy its wonderful taste!

    But I suspect that the difficulty isn't just intellectual, but emotional. Merely knowing that such acts are pleasing to God is different than feeling it. I suggest that it would be wise for you and your husband to get professional counseling to help both of you grow through this in a manner that is sensitive to both of your needs.
     
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2011
  12. FreeinChrist

    FreeinChrist CF Staff Trainer Staff Member Administrator CF Staff Trainer Supporter

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    Mod Hat

    Moving this to Recovery...
     
  13. Kristen.NewCreation

    Kristen.NewCreation CF Owner's Advisory Team Staff Member Site Advisor Supporter Recovery Team

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    I don't know of any particular books, but I'd suggest that you consider a Christian counselor who works with women's issues and intimacy issues in marriage.
     
  14. Hishandmaiden

    Hishandmaiden The Humble Servant

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    Thanks for all your response so far.
     
  15. heymikey80

    heymikey80 Quidquid Latine dictum sit, altum viditur

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    Further afield ... are your actions as a couple consistent with your faith? That is, the marriage bed should not be a defilement of your Christian faith, nor vice versa. Sexuality is consistent with Christian faith; however, human intent can easily be inconsistent with it. Sin is always about warping something good.

    Grant though, that we can't simply "toss" our sinfulness. So something of it shall remain. But we can certainly make sexuality as redemptive as any other action in our lives -- and thus make it Christian.
     
  16. Saucy

    Saucy Sprinkles are for winners. Supporter

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    I am very confused by your question. What purpose is there to get married if it isn't for sex? Doesn't the bible talk about being single unless your desires get out of control that it's better to be married so you can participate in sex without sinning? Marriage is for sex. It is the union of two bodies to become one. I don't know what is hindering you from having sex with your husband. Maybe you don't have have a sex drive or you were abused so you fear it. I'm not sure, but sex is an entirely pleasurable experience when both of you are into it.


    There is a website called themarriagebed.com that helps couples learn about sex.
     
  17. skcin7

    skcin7 Newbie

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    I am not quite sure why you are scared of sex. Especially since you are married, I am quite unsure how this would be a violation of God's way, but I suppose it could be depending on who you ask (their specific beliefs). I think what is important is what YOU believe based on your own interpretations of your faith, but I personally don't think it is wrong from a Christian perspective. However, I do very much agree with the above poster where he said that sexuality shouldn't be something that is "tolerated" or "endured". It is important that you feel completely comfortable with your sexuality. I don't think there is anything to be afraid of as long as you love and trust your husband (which I am sure you do).
     
  18. bendslikeawillow

    bendslikeawillow Newbie

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    If you are still having issues, please PM me.
     
  19. foreverfaithful88

    foreverfaithful88 Newbie

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    Your husband is a gift from God to you as well as you are to your husband. I believe that when the Bible say's that your are to give yourself to each other and please each other that as long as it is just you 2 anything sexual that you do is fine! It is a beautiful gift that God has given us!
     
  20. dabro

    dabro A child of the living God.

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    I have been single for going on 7 yr's. I believe God wants me to stay pure. I too am afraid of sex. I'm afraid to get attached and then my heart broken. It's been so long since I had intercoarse that it all seems so strange. As for you your married so your allowed to do that. There are some boundries when It comes to having sex with your husband but as far as it go's You shouldn't be afraid. Me on the other hand have been single so long that I forgot how to enjoy the thought of marraige and sex and inturn have saught just to do what God wants me to do. Cos with all honesty. My heart has cried for a wife and have yet to find one so I'm giving up.
     
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