Stuck in a weird situation because of my sexual past

[movingon]

I returned to Christianity after eight years of atheism, but I think I'm too rotten inside. I used to date mostly for sex, usually after 2-3 dates, but now I'm trying to turn a new page and want to find a woman to marry and create a happy family. The thing is, I feel too damaged because of my past. I'm mostly attracted to, let's say, more "damaged" women or those considered "dirty", and I find it hard to be attracted to good Christian girls, mostly because of my sexual desires. I prefer less traditional Christian behaviors in bed and I've tried not to think about it, but I can't. This is who I am, and I don't want to ruin a beautiful woman because I'm rotten, but I don't know what to do either. I pray to Jesus every day about this, to forgive me and accept me for who I am, but I'm still scared that I won't find a girl who is Christian and shares the same likes as me. Any advice? I apologize if my thread is shameful.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

I returned to Christianity after eight years of atheism, but I think I'm too rotten inside. I used to date mostly for sex, usually after 2-3 dates, but now I'm trying to turn a new page and want to find a woman to marry and create a happy family. The thing is, I feel too damaged because of my past. I'm mostly attracted to, let's say, more "damaged" women or those considered "dirty", and I find it hard to be attracted to good Christian girls, mostly because of my sexual desires. I prefer less traditional Christian behaviors in bed and I've tried not to think about it, but I can't. This is who I am, and I don't want to ruin a beautiful woman because I'm rotten, but I don't know what to do either. I pray to Jesus every day about this, to forgive me and accept me for who I am, but I'm still scared that I won't find a girl who is Christian and shares the same likes as me. Any advice? I apologize if my thread is shameful.

... whether or not your post is "shameful" should be the least of anyone's concerns here. If anything, I'd say that your inner turmoil is fraught with philosophical, sociological and psychological complications that are being mistaken for a self-inflicted identity narrative. Let's not assume that your feelings in all of this are somehow unique or a minority experience.

Let's face it. Each day we wake up, peer into the mirror and see that we're a day older and a dollar shorter, and we have to ponder the question: what does it even mean to ask ourselves "Who Am I"?

Somewhere in the midst of that existential query is another question that is also pertinent for those of us who value the figure of Jesus:
"Who Do You say that I Am?"

 

[Richard T]

God always has a solution for those that humble themselves for answers. He is not caught unaware. Could be you find someone similar to yourself? You fear that is not possible but it could be. I hope you look at the heart of any potential mate. The physical does not have to dominate. Also, you yourself could change in your desires. The hardest thing might be to keep from trying to corrupt any woman during the dating process. If you progress in dating, just be sure to share your expectations, or even desires to see if it is a deal breaker. The main thing though is to trust God and let him rule everything more and more by the power of the Holy Spirit. God bless!

 

[John G.]

I suggest you read a biography of St Augustine of Hippo.
May the Lord speak to you and bless you through it!

 

[movingon]

"Who Do You say that I Am?"

would you mind explaining this even more?

 

[2PhiloVoid]

would you mind explaining this even more?

I'll do so briefly. My point is this: you and I (all of us "Christian" men, really), trade in the social and psychological matrix of two different worldviews. One worldview says that "who" were are is who we decide we are because our own feelings and perceptions about ourselves are of utmost pertinence in the center of our personal well-being. That's the worldview of the World. Of course, you and I already know this all too well, right?

The other worldview, that is, the Christian one, insists that any one person is, and can be, more than merely what we ourselves perceive ourselves to be, and furthermore, God is Lord and our Creator. There is more than meets the eye about each one of us; there is more we can become beyond what our emotional chords are able to feel. This goes for the way in which we each existentially answer the question that Jesus posed to Peter in the New Testament, "Who do you say that I am?" ... it also goes for us as we stare at ourselves in the mirror each morning.

And at that moment, we men can ask ourselves, too: Am I who and only what someone like Hugh Hefner says I am and can only ever be, or am I more than that, something with more potential, something that Jesus Christ insists that I am and can be?

 

[RedeemedtoManhood]

I returned to Christianity after eight years of atheism, but I think I'm too rotten inside. I used to date mostly for sex, usually after 2-3 dates, but now I'm trying to turn a new page and want to find a woman to marry and create a happy family. The thing is, I feel too damaged because of my past. I'm mostly attracted to, let's say, more "damaged" women or those considered "dirty", and I find it hard to be attracted to good Christian girls, mostly because of my sexual desires. I prefer less traditional Christian behaviors in bed and I've tried not to think about it, but I can't. This is who I am, and I don't want to ruin a beautiful woman because I'm rotten, but I don't know what to do either. I pray to Jesus every day about this, to forgive me and accept me for who I am, but I'm still scared that I won't find a girl who is Christian and shares the same likes as me. Any advice? I apologize if my thread is shameful.

Surrender everything to the Lord Yahushua HaMashiach Jesus Christ. Everything. That means you are willing to forsake everything. If you truly receive Jesus as your Savior, you would surrender everything to Him as Lord. That is what True Believer means. Not just 99 percent.

Once you have fully done that, everything, even sex would be up to Him. You do not get to choose, since true surrender is giving all your choices to Him. IT IS HE who now makes the choice. Thus, everyday, you would be asking Him what His will is for you in every area, and when Jesus speaks, it is clear. You can even ask Him to confirm it.

But, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob has already said some things about your situation in the Bible.

1. You are not to have sex with anyone that you are not married to.

2. It is up to Him if He wants you to be married, or if He will bless you with singleblessedness. You have to constantly depend and ask Him so. Not everyone gets up married.

3. Even if you get married, He gets to choose WHO. Again, this only happens if you are surrendered, so constantly depend and ask Him and you will eventually know from Him WHO, IF HE EVER wants you to get married someday.

4. You are never to lust after ANYONE other than your wife. If you are unmarried, you can't lust at anyone. Jesus said whoever lusts in his heart commit adultery. And the Bible is clear - The sexually immoral will NOT inherit the kingdom of God.

5. Time and time again in the Bible, True Believers, IF YOU ARE ONE, are not to be yoked with unbelievers. Even the chosen Jews were prohibited from marrying people that are not chosen, and Solomon and others went to moral degradation because they married Unbelieving wives. You will suffer many costs if you have a relationship with someone who is NOT a True Believer. 1 Corinthians 5 even says that we are not to associate and eat with BELIEVERS who commit sexual immorality, idolatry, etc. How much more not True Believers. See 2 Corinthians 6:14-15, 17, and many other verses, look it up yourself.

6. Jesus will accept you for who you are only at the time of your surrender. But make no mistake, once you truly commit to Him and surrender, if you go back to your sins willingly, it would have better had you not known the faith. Lots of verses about this. 1 John 3:9 says No one born of God continues in the practice of sinning.

Is it possible to be a Christian and live in lifelong carnality, enjoying the pleasures of sin, and occasionally seeking to glorify the Lord who bought him? Can a Christian spurn the lordship of Christ at times yet lay claim to Him as Savior? Can someone pray a “sinner’s prayer” and go about his life as if nothing had happened and still call himself a “Christian”? No. Let us not give unrepentant Christians false hope.

 

[John G.]

3. Even if you get married, He gets to choose WHO. Again, this only happens if you are surrendered, so constantly depend and ask Him and you will eventually know from Him WHO, IF HE EVER wants you to get married someday.

You can be totally surrendered to God but He will not interfere with your freedom of choice. Contrary to what some may believe, God does not have one and only one person for you.
God may give you advice in His Word, He may block some poor choices, He may open some doors but, ultimately, the choice of a spouse is yours.

 

[RedeemedtoManhood]

You can be totally surrendered to God but He will not interfere with your freedom of choice. Contrary to what some may believe, God does not have one and only one person for you.
God may give you advice in His Word, He may block some poor choices, He may open some doors but, ultimately, the choice of a spouse is yours.

The point is we have to surrender everything to Him, if we are true Believers. He may allow you to choose, or He may not. If we surrender, He gets to choose or allow our choices. But we always have to ask Him and know for sure

 

[AlexB23]

I returned to Christianity after eight years of atheism, but I think I'm too rotten inside. I used to date mostly for sex, usually after 2-3 dates, but now I'm trying to turn a new page and want to find a woman to marry and create a happy family. The thing is, I feel too damaged because of my past. I'm mostly attracted to, let's say, more "damaged" women or those considered "dirty", and I find it hard to be attracted to good Christian girls, mostly because of my sexual desires. I prefer less traditional Christian behaviors in bed and I've tried not to think about it, but I can't. This is who I am, and I don't want to ruin a beautiful woman because I'm rotten, but I don't know what to do either. I pray to Jesus every day about this, to forgive me and accept me for who I am, but I'm still scared that I won't find a girl who is Christian and shares the same likes as me. Any advice? I apologize if my thread is shameful.

Movingon, I'm here to listen and offer you encouragement based on both biblical principles and relationship advice. It takes great courage to acknowledge your past struggles and seek growth. I have never dated, and am celibate, but I will give this reply my best. Here are some thoughts that might help:


First, let me assure you that everyone has a past, and no one is beyond redemption. The Bible speaks of God's unconditional love and forgiveness:

• 1 John 1:9 (NIV) "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
• Romans 5:8 (NIV) "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

You've taken the first step by acknowledging your past mistakes and seeking God's forgiveness. Now, focus on personal growth and transformation:

• 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV) "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!"

Regarding your attraction to "damaged" or "less traditional" women, it's essential to examine the motivations behind these desires. Are you seeking validation, a sense of control, or perhaps feeling inadequate? It might be helpful to seek counseling or spiritual guidance to explore these emotions further.

As for finding a suitable partner, remember that God has a perfect plan for your life:

• Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Instead of focusing on external appearances or specific characteristics, seek a connection based on shared values, mutual respect, and spiritual compatibility:

• Proverbs 31:30 (NIV) "Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be praised."

Lastly, have faith that God will bring the right person into your life at the right time:

• Proverbs 16:3 (NIV) "Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans."

Pray for guidance in your relationships, trusting that God has a plan for you. Remember, it's essential to be patient and open to His will. May God bless you on your journey towards healing and growth. Keep seeking His guidance and continue to trust in His love and forgiveness.