I'm getting married in three weeks
...
We are both virgins, but she has expectations (but we promised each other that we wouldnt talk about that sort of stuff until we're married).
That's not really wise.
I get the need to not talk about sex to the point of becoming aroused and subject to sexual temptation, but you two really need to seriously discuss what you both are expecting your lovemaking to be after marriage.
I'd recommend talking about the subject in a scene away from "making out".
Sex is an important part of marriage & you need to understand each others' expectations. This will help prevent any possible disappointment, not that I think either of you would be disappointed.
I have been assigned by my fiancee, her parents, and our officiant/PM Counselor to read this book "Sheet Music" and I can't even get past the opening cover without recoiling or throwing the book away in disgust.
That is a very good book, one I wish I had before marriage.
I first encountered it in my 40s and learned things I wish I'd known when I was first married.
You can only benefit by reading it.
It's not terribly graphic and isn't written to arouse or anything.
It simply provides solid information on what two virgins can expect to happen during their first night together.
Now, the book isn't written only for virgins. It provides useful information for any couple.
Its also really hard because I've never heard of any unmarried guys having issues with preparing for intimacy.
Just engaging in the physical act isn't enough.
Lovemaking is more than only the physical.
No one's really "ready" for expressing their love sexually and to be honest, sex is very intuitive. It isn't that difficult.
If a bunch of 14 y.o.'s can figure it out, it shouldn't be a problem for adults.
She & I have very different gender stereotypes about intimacy. Its very hard for me to even type the three letter word ending with X. I prefer emotional intimacy and that is what I look forward to most in marriage.
Sexual intimacy is connected to emotional intimacy, though I believe the latter is more important than the former, still, sex will be an important part of any couple's relationship.
The thought of even talking, reading, or sexual activity is extremely unnerving.
Sounds like you're letting your nerves get to you.
Try to calm down and relax.
This isn't an exam or a job interview. You won't be 'judged" and your new wife, especially given she's a naive and innocent virgin as well, won't "think less" of you.
In your situation, it's a good thing neither of you have any 'experience' because often, the one who's had a lot of sex may invariably ( & unintentionally ) "compare" their mate to the others they've been with, though they may not want to do that (memories are hard to erase).
First times not so enjoyable
You need to know the first-times usually aren't that wonderful, particularly for the woman, who will experience pain during the first entrance. But successive encounters usually get better and soon, the two develop a rapport and learn what each other likes/dislikes in lovemaking. So don't build-up a lot of unrealistic expectations.
Sex is an important part of life.
While it's often abused in society, in terms of media depictions, graphic jokes, inappropriate contentography, adultery, promiscuity, etc., sex is one of the major influencers of popular songs, movies and many more things.
Though no one "dies" from not engaging in sex, many feel it's a natural need.
I think many get too worked-up about it & possess unhealthy attitudes toward sex.
In the Adam & Eve story, they made love BEFORE the fall, which tells you sex isn't inherently 'sinful' or wrong.
Read
Sheet Music and if I may recommend, visit a Christian marital sex sit like TheMarriageBed.com.
They have a section for the engaged which includes a subforum on
What Do I Need To Know About Sex?
http://bit.ly/1myJHqJ
Please lighten-up about it. You'll get through it and by adequately preparing yourself, should make for a great part of your marriage.
