OCD has led to extreme feelings of regret?

[sunnynevada77]

I feel like I have been obsessing over past events to such a degree, that I am no longer certain about what happened. I can remember what I thought happened at the time and I was completely sure in that time, but now I am no longer sure. It sounds ridiculous because you would think I should just trust what I thought back then when I wasn't having the OCD as bad, but now my brain keeps playing tricks on me and wants me so hard to believe alternate realities, or realities that now I think never happened.

I really don't know how to explain these feelings 100% but they are driving me insane. I believe I am suffering from delusions? But my mind is not convinced they are delusions, but my past self says they are. My delusions make no sense to the way I know I act.

I try my best to trust in God and know that in the end everything will turn out just as it should be, and I know that I believe in the Lord. Though still, when it comes to the past I become paranoid because I know I cannot change the events no matter what I do. I can only do my best in the present, and learn to make the best decisions possible. Even knowing this, my anxiety of the future truly unnerves me to a point where I feel physically ill at times.

Since I know that I am now closer to God than I ever was before, should I let go of my fears of my future on Earth and just do my best and let God handle what happens? Are my fears of my future just me attaching myself to Earthly things?

Over the past few weeks I have found no peace and am desperate to feel normal again. I do not want to let my worries and regrets consume me anymore, I feel like I can't have a moments peace of mind.

Is there any advice you can give to me? I want to avoid taking any psychological medications since I have only heard the most negative things about them, and that they are addicting as well.

 

[babegirl111]

I completely understand what you are going through. There were times where I felt like my mind was creating situations that never even happened but they felt so real because my OCD was trying to make them real and it caused me to be really depressed. Not everyone has negative effects from medications. Actually I had REALLY good results. I was on prozac for a while and it helped me so much (along with counseling) that I felt like a weight had been lifted. Don't let it get to you so much, and honestly find a really good counselor that specializes in mental illnesses like OCD. I was blessed that my counselor happened to be a Christian. He was AMAZING. If you lived in Georgia I would refer you to him. Be strong. You will get through this and don't give your thoughts that power. That's what it wants...to control your mind. You cant let it.

God Bless You!!!

 

[Gods warrior 1]

Praying for you. God understands. He is not mad at you. He loves you. The thoughts are not you. God does not condemn you. Praying for you.

 

[sunnynevada77]

Thanks for the supportive messages. Life has turned into this really nausea inducing roller-coaster ride and I just want off, but I'll have to tough it out. This year has been the roughest. Occasionally if I focus hard enough on Christ I can reach moments of peace, but they are few and far between.