Hello! I'm a 25-year-old man. The post will be long and confusing... I don't even know where to start. I have Religious OCD. People who experience this form of OCD suffer from obsessive religious doubts and fears, unwanted blasphemous thoughts and images. I don't want to take antidepressants because I had an anxiety disorder as a child and took them, and I don't know if it's related, but I had a headache for 2 years and the doctors couldn't find a reason. I keep thinking it's because of the antidepressants, and I'm scared. I never want to take antidepressants. ERP therapy is difficult to undergo. Otherwise, I'm ready for psychotherapy, but it might not be effective. Sometimes I really want to give up because I don't want to defile the religion. I've read about many people that when they give up their faith, these thoughts disappear. It's just that I don't want to give up. I really don't know what to do. Every time I start to go to church or something, more thoughts start to appear, and it gets worse. I know that blasphemy is unforgivable. Will I really be forgiven? How can I continue with my faith and remove these thoughts? The more I devote myself to faith, the more bad thoughts come.
My father had minor alcohol problems. They weren't that big. He and my mother constantly fought. I took my mother's side and argued with him. I often insulted him and treated him badly. This was during the Covid crisis, and everything was very difficult. We had other problems separately. My father committed suicide over a year ago. I can't forgive myself to this day. I am guilty. I am truly a bad person. I pray for God to forgive me, for my loved ones to forgive me. I will never forgive myself. I cry every day, and I miss him so much, and now he's gone because of me. I might not be entirely to blame, but I am. I cry at work, I cry at home, and I pray for my father and God to forgive me. I am a bad person. My father was the best human I have ever seen.
My father had minor alcohol problems. They weren't that big. He and my mother constantly fought. I took my mother's side and argued with him. I often insulted him and treated him badly. This was during the Covid crisis, and everything was very difficult. We had other problems separately. My father committed suicide over a year ago. I can't forgive myself to this day. I am guilty. I am truly a bad person. I pray for God to forgive me, for my loved ones to forgive me. I will never forgive myself. I cry every day, and I miss him so much, and now he's gone because of me. I might not be entirely to blame, but I am. I cry at work, I cry at home, and I pray for my father and God to forgive me. I am a bad person. My father was the best human I have ever seen.
