Need Relationship Advice

[LaundrySoap]

Hello,
My previous post, "Will We Ever Get Past This?" got moved to Face the Board, but this post is related to that if anyone wants context.

I am not sure what to do in my relationship with my boyfriend. I showed him the post I made, how I was feeling so guilty about our sin 6 months ago. He reiterated that he's trying to forgive but it takes time. He also said that he has a lot of external factors in his life that is making it hard to think about this issue and work through it (ie job struggles).

Also, I had had an outburst last Thursday, and long story short he told me then that he wasn't sure if he should stay with me, because I need to work on being content in my current situation (its been almost 11 months and i want to marry him, and ive mentioned this months ago, but he said recently he's nowhere near being ready as he's not sure about me). I called my parents after, and my father instructed me to not wallow in self pity, but to know that I've been told what to work on, and now I need to work on it. So I've been trying to do that.

And my boyfriend is still with me. He's been nice to me, we went swimming 2 days after that night, and have been getting along. But he says he still needs to process my outburst from last week. He says right now he wants to be in a relationship, but I feel as though I've given him an essay that I'm waiting for him to review and grade.

So I asked if I could just have this weekend pretty much to myself. I want him to prioritize processesing what happened and I want to just clear the air and move forward... or break up. I just don't want to be in limbo.

What do I do? What do I ask him to do? Do I ask him to prioritize processing what happened and prioritize fixing our relationship? Do I just keep quiet and see what happens?

 

[ForHimbyHim]

I may be reading into this too much, but I really think that you are more into this man than he into you. He is telling you he is not sure about you, be with someone who is. He is not showing repentance or leadership for past mishaps. He may be a guy who is just withdrawn, but to me, he sounds like he's just not that into you and is looking for a way out.

Why wait for him to decide your future? You need to decide, is this what you want, then decide the course of action. It really sounds like you are not sure about yourself and need his approval to decide.

 

[LaundrySoap]

I may be reading into this too much, but I really think that you are more into this man than he into you. He is telling you he is not sure about you, be with someone who is. He is not showing repentance or leadership for past mishaps. He may be a guy who is just withdrawn, but to me, he sounds like he's just not that into you and is looking for a way out.

Why wait for him to decide your future? You need to decide, is this what you want, then decide the course of action. It really sounds like you are not sure about yourself and need his approval to decide.

I don't know. He seems very invested in the relationship--tries to see me multiple times a week, gets me stuff from the store, we talk throughout the day, every day, etc.

I will admit I struggle with being content with where I am, because I have a tendency to be "well, I'll be happy when XYZ happens," and that isn't a good way to think.

I'm not sure what it would look like for him to show leadership for past mishaps? He tries not to bring them up, but then I notice something isn't right or how he doesn't say "I love you" anymore, and I ask, and he explains what's going on in his head.

He said we shouldn't kiss anymore, because of our past sexual sin. So I mean, he led there...

I think it would be worth it to put in the effort to fix this, because I usually enjoy being around him. He takes issue with my discontent (which I need to work on regardless) and that's why he's not ready to marry me. But... he's still here? He's still trying.

I'm also just really frustrated because we're not moving towards marriage. And I'm just feeling like, like, now what?

 

[WarriorAngel]

Hello,
My previous post, "Will We Ever Get Past This?" got moved to Face the Board, but this post is related to that if anyone wants context.

I am not sure what to do in my relationship with my boyfriend. I showed him the post I made, how I was feeling so guilty about our sin 6 months ago. He reiterated that he's trying to forgive but it takes time. He also said that he has a lot of external factors in his life that is making it hard to think about this issue and work through it (ie job struggles).

Also, I had had an outburst last Thursday, and long story short he told me then that he wasn't sure if he should stay with me, because I need to work on being content in my current situation (its been almost 11 months and i want to marry him, and ive mentioned this months ago, but he said recently he's nowhere near being ready as he's not sure about me). I called my parents after, and my father instructed me to not wallow in self pity, but to know that I've been told what to work on, and now I need to work on it. So I've been trying to do that.

And my boyfriend is still with me. He's been nice to me, we went swimming 2 days after that night, and have been getting along. But he says he still needs to process my outburst from last week. He says right now he wants to be in a relationship, but I feel as though I've given him an essay that I'm waiting for him to review and grade.

So I asked if I could just have this weekend pretty much to myself. I want him to prioritize processesing what happened and I want to just clear the air and move forward... or break up. I just don't want to be in limbo.

What do I do? What do I ask him to do? Do I ask him to prioritize processing what happened and prioritize fixing our relationship? Do I just keep quiet and see what happens?

1. Your outburst is about your own triggers.
2. He is right to be afraid of someone who has outbursts.
3. You have a lot to work on, but it's difficult to do that when most folks don't even know what inside their subconscious might cause a trigger to erupt.
4. Finding self love and such is not easy. Trusting Jesus to absolutely heal us without fear He will not, is the 1st step.