Need a little advice to help my wife

[Silent Enigma]

My wife miscarried about 3 years ago. We had 2 healthy children prior and have had 1 healthy child after the miscarriage.

Recently he told an old friend (whom she hasn't had contact with in like 6 years) about her lost baby and it brought back all her latent emotions. She said she never was really able to deal with it sufficiently and just pushed it out of her mind.

I was wondering if anyone here had advice on this. I was wondering if some sort of ceremony, like a small funeral, would help her deal with it? I didn't want to go and suggest something like that without first seeking counsel.

Any advice? THanks.

 

[shazabella]

Hey Silent Enigma,

I guess its something you will never get over and as easy as it to pretend that you are both coping ok, you both need to acknowledge that you lost the baby as much as you don't want to ... don't make the baby the gr8 big thing in the middle of the room that you can both see but can't talk about it. Talk to her about it and also tell her how you are feeling.

The funeral idea sounds great - make it something personal between you and your wife but just be prepared for it to dredge up a lot of emotions for both of you. The emotions she is going thru atm are her way of coping with what happened and there will be bad days but then there will be days when You look at your children and thank God that you have 3 beautiful ones and one waiting for you in heaven.

for you and your wife

- Shaz

 

[Silent Enigma]

Thanks for the prayers.

She's a very sensitive and motherly person.

 

[jazzbird]

Some women here have held ceremonies for the children that they lost, and that does seem to help. Other women write poetry and letters to their children. I have blogged about my feelings over our losses and the fears and uncertainties I have going forward. That has greatly helped me.

I think some kind of a ceremony would be a lovely thing to suggest.

I would also advise that you make sure she knows that it is okay for her to express her emotions over this loss and that you are there for her anytime she needs to talk about it or just cry. Miscarriages truly do feel like the death of a loved one, and it's only proper that we go through that grieving process in order to heal.

 

[bornagain-053184]

I know what its like... when i first lost my daughter when i was 5 months pregnat i pushed it out of my mind.. i didnt have time to deal with it i was very sick and my aunt was battling cancer as was my friend and didnt have time to deal with my own issues.... this was a yr ago. now recently i have been able to deal with it. cry all the time i say a prayer for her. i wrote her a letter and poems... one thing i have not done yet but i plan on it.. is since she was a girl and i had planned on naming her Neveah *heaven backwards* since she was my miricle baby. iam going to get a pink balloon and write her name on it and a lil message to her and let it float up to the sky and just watch it float away and say a prayer.... it may help you'r wife
my prayers are with you

 

[GodsGirl]

Silent, we have miscarriage trees. That soon will be planted in our back yard. It has been great thearpy for me to watch them grow.

I too on my first one shut it all out and thought I could just pretend it didn't happen. When we were ready to TTC again it all came back.

My aunt on her 25 anniversary was given roses and one in the middle was different color. My uncle explained it was for the child they miscarried. My aunt till this day is very touched that he did that.

I will be praying for you and your wife.

 

[marieg]

Hi Silent Enigma,
I think that a brillent idea, you could also name the child, I don't know if you knew sex it was. If you don't pick a name that you can use for a boy and girl. I know for myself this really helped.


marieg