My wife is pregnant with somebody else's child.

[Life2Christ]

OP:
Just a word of caution, your marriage can only work if your wife is on board to make this happen. I know you are gung-ho to make this work. Does she still harbor feelings of not wanting to be married to you? Does she still want to see other people?

 

[Ship2468]

Make sure you don't get pushed around. Being meek and humble does not mean you have to get trampled all the time. Even for her sake, you need to put your foot on the ground where it counts.

I agree. Thank you.

 

[Ship2468]

OP:
Just a word of caution, your marriage can only work if your wife is on board to make this happen. I know you are gung-ho to make this work. Does she still harbor feelings of not wanting to be married to you? Does she still want to see other people?

She doesn't know what she wants. She thinks she wants to be married still and go to couples counseling. If it turns out that she doesn't want to stay married then there's nothing I can do about it, but to continue loving her.

 

[Life2Christ]

Well, you sound like a good man. The ball is really in her court.

 

[Catherineanne]

Ship2468, God bless you. You are an example of Jesus' love. I pray that you will find help in your financial situation. If more men (and women) were like you what a wonderful world this would be.

I agree. Well done for behaving as Christ would want you to, and saving the life of this little innocent. God bless you.

 

[Lion King]

Ship2468, God bless you. You are an example of Jesus' love. I pray that you will find help in your financial situation. If more men (and women) were like you what a wonderful world this would be.

To be honest, I would rather live in the desert than with a wife who sleeps around. Sure, I would forgive her, but I just cannot see myself staying with someone who cheated on me.

To the OP, have you thought about the fact that she doesn't love you anymore? I mean, she told you that she wanted to see other people, surely that should say something?

I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but your marriage will most likely work if you are willing to accept the fact that your wife will continue to sleep around with the baby's father or other people. If it was me, I would let her go but make sure I'm around for the children.

 

[scrofford]

Divorce her. You shouldn't associate yourself with somebody like that. She committed adultery and now you have the biblical right to divorce her. Make her deal with the consequences. You have no connection to the child and shouldn't take care of it. Let whoever the father is take care of it.

God didn't put you in the situation. God would tell you to stone her to death. Jesus would tell you to divorce her. Stoning would be illegal so take the advice of Jesus and just cut ties with her.

Make her deal with her consequences? Jesus would tell you to stone her to death? Dude, you know you sound very angry. Yes this particular situation would be really tough. But I'm not addressing that.

You seem to have a holier than thou, angry, judgmental, hateful attitude that absolutely IS NOT how God acts. Just because someone has the right to divorce someone doesn't mean they should.

Just because someone has sinned against you doesn't mean you have to react. Jesus said to love your enemies and pray for those who spitefully use you. He didn't say to hate them. He didn't say to stone them. As a matter of fact, he said "He who is without sin, cast the first stone."

Are you without sin? Are you Mr. perfect? Do you or have you ever broken even one of the Ten Commandments? Have you ever told a fib or a white lie, or been angry at someone? I'm sure you have. You are no better than this woman that is pregnant with someone else's child!

We are ALL sinners saved by the grace of Jesus! Your attitude and words is what gives Christianity a bad name dude. You really ought to read your Bible and see how Christians really should be.

 

[StarBright]

I'm kind of taken aback by some of the harsh replies.

It's always God's desire for a family to stay together if at all possible. Infidelity can be a just cause for divorce, but if the couple want to reconcile and heal their marriage, I think it's downright reckless to advise them to split up anyway. We don't know this man or his wife, and we only know a very basic story of the situation. To say she's "playing" him and he should divorce her... sheesh, I wonder if people THINK about what they're saying here sometimes. You don't just throw out stuff like that, those decisions are lifelong and life changing, and definitely not something to do just because some strangers online told you to do it!

Sorry, that just really hit me as incredibly wrong.

To the OP, I would say if you and your wife are willing to get into counseling and continue with the pregnancy, then God bless you and go for it. There's a lot of junk to be sorted through here, not just a pregnancy by another man, but whatever led to your wife's cheating in the first place. You'll also be dealing with custody issues once the child is born, so start educating yourselves on the laws surrounding that ASAP. You may be looking at having this other man involved in your lives permanently if he's going to fight for custody rights to this child.

As for your financial worries, you need to contact your local social services office right away. Your wife is probably eligible for free prenatal care, and possibly free food benefits specifically designed for pregnant women living on low incomes. Once the child arrives, you may be eligible for Medicaid (free or low-cost healthcare for all of you), food stamps, etc. Just look into it, it never hurts to ask. I'm not a proponent of using the government for sustenance, but when you're in a bind like this, there's no shame in it. You need help, period. Ask for it.

God bless, please get yourselves into good, solid, Christian counseling ASAP, and best wishes to you.

 

[Ship2468]

Thanks Starbright.
And nicely said Scrofford.

 

[Spunkn]

I'm kind of taken aback by some of the harsh replies.

It's always God's desire for a family to stay together if at all possible. Infidelity can be a just cause for divorce, but if the couple want to reconcile and heal their marriage, I think it's downright reckless to advise them to split up anyway. We don't know this man or his wife, and we only know a very basic story of the situation. To say she's "playing" him and he should divorce her... sheesh, I wonder if people THINK about what they're saying here sometimes. You don't just throw out stuff like that, those decisions are lifelong and life changing, and definitely not something to do just because some strangers online told you to do it!

Sorry, that just really hit me as incredibly wrong.

To the OP, I would say if you and your wife are willing to get into counseling and continue with the pregnancy, then God bless you and go for it. There's a lot of junk to be sorted through here, not just a pregnancy by another man, but whatever led to your wife's cheating in the first place. You'll also be dealing with custody issues once the child is born, so start educating yourselves on the laws surrounding that ASAP. You may be looking at having this other man involved in your lives permanently if he's going to fight for custody rights to this child.

As for your financial worries, you need to contact your local social services office right away. Your wife is probably eligible for free prenatal care, and possibly free food benefits specifically designed for pregnant women living on low incomes. Once the child arrives, you may be eligible for Medicaid (free or low-cost healthcare for all of you), food stamps, etc. Just look into it, it never hurts to ask. I'm not a proponent of using the government for sustenance, but when you're in a bind like this, there's no shame in it. You need help, period. Ask for it.

God bless, please get yourselves into good, solid, Christian counseling ASAP, and best wishes to you.

Amen

 

[morethanenough06]

Wow, sometimes I forget I'm on a Christian forum here.

Ship2468, you are demonstrating God's true example of love, forgiveness, and grace. Instead of beating you up for it, we should all be amazed that a human being can go beyond his own natural human response and respond the way God would have him to. God will bless you for that.

My first husband cheated on me repeatedly. I stayed with him, not because I was a pushover, but because God asked me to. It was an incredibly tough journey, and like you, we also struggled financially. But God is an amazing God who wants nothing more than to restore and heal us, and that healing is offered to both you and your wife.

Financially, I have no answers for you, except that my husband and I raised 5 kids on a meager single income (I was determined to stay at home with my kids), and we managed to make it work. It was tough, we made a lot of sacrifices, and we didn't always keep up with our bills, but we were fine. Sometimes you just need to look at your priorities differently and let some things go.

I want to encourage you on your journey and pray that God will restore you and bless you abundantly. If you're interested, I have written out the testimony of my marriage: http://www.christianforums.com/t7725149/ God bless!

 

[Sophrosyne]

?


So let this one die and find one that doesn't tax my emotions?

You don't save a marriage nor honor God by depending on emotions. If it bothers you about the child it can be put up for adoption. I don't like abortions but I think having some other man's child in your marriage will make it fail completely in the future as to me it seems neither you nor your wife seem to be putting God first in it instead it seems like both of you are about your emotions which is essentially being carnally minded and a relationship based on such doesn't have God's blessing upon it nowhere. I suggest you find a good pastor and go get some serious advice from him instead of trying to find people here to coddle your emotions and help you feel good about your decision. You need someone to get in your face and make you feel very uncomfortable about things because that is what will be needed if you want to save your marriage.

 

[Spunkn]

How is he depending on emotions in this? If anything he's -ignoring- emotions because in a situation like this, emotions will tell you to run as far as away as you can and do anything to get out. Those of us who are being positive towards him are not "coddling" him. How can you say that he's not putting God first? Are you representing God now? Do you know what he's telling Ship2468 to do?

I'm really amazed by some of these responses and saddened by them. Yes adultery is grounds for divorce, but with God anything is possible. He CAN heal through adultery if both sides are willing to work through it and heal it. He CAN heal marriages that seem impossibly broken. Why? Because it's a picture of what we have done to God. We've cheated on Him, spat in His face, rejected His Son, and what did God do? Did God divorce us immediately because we were unfaithful? No!

I'm not saying everyone has to stay in a marriage that has suffered cheating / adultery, but neither do I think the response of "get a divorce" is always the answer either. Following God does not always mean taking the easy road, which in this case would be to walk away.

 

[Liberated91]

You are amazing and I think you're making the right decision.

 

[aiki]

God did not give this child to you so that He could show you how poorly He can provide for it. Why not simply trust that God will meet the needs of this child? In the late seventies my father left the lucrative small business he had built (nearly a hundred thousand a year, which wasn't chump change back then) to serve as a pastor of a small, rural church in the heart of the Canadian prairies. My father earned just over $23,000 a year when he started with the church. His salary when he left the church some fifteen years later was still under $30,000 a year. Altogether, my Dad (and Mom) raised seven children on a salary that was considered to be right next to the poverty line. How? God provided! He does that, you know. And what a history with God we all have because my father stepped out in faith and trusted God! I have so many great stories of God's provision for us! And God didn't just barely meet our needs. Often He did "abundantly above all that we could ask or think"! You can trust God, too, to be as good as His Word to you. "My God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." (Phil. 4:19) Count on it. God never breaks His promises! Let Him show you how great His providence can be!

Oh, and by the way, you have demonstrated the heart of God in how you have dealt with your wife. Those who have urged you to ditch her have shown how little they understand of how much God has forgiven them. Well done, sir. May God guard your heart from the influence of these spiritually blind and ignorant people who would urge you to follow their ungodly advice.

1 John 4:10-11
10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.


Selah.

 

[Lion King]

Oh, and by the way, you have demonstrated the heart of God in how you have dealt with your wife. Those who have urged you to ditch her have shown how little they understand of how much God has forgiven them. Well done, sir. May God guard your heart from the influence of these spiritually blind and ignorant people who would urge you to follow their ungodly advice.

1 John 4:10-11
10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.


Selah.

What? If divorce is so "ungodly" as you claim, why does the LORD allow it?

To the OP, I hope and pray that your wife has truly changed for the better. As I dunno your full situation, I will leave you with this one final piece of advice:

"Don't pay attention to her words, watch her actions."

.

 

[Ship2468]

You don't save a marriage nor honor God by depending on emotions. If it bothers you about the child it can be put up for adoption. I don't like abortions but I think having some other man's child in your marriage will make it fail completely in the future as to me it seems neither you nor your wife seem to be putting God first in it instead it seems like both of you are about your emotions which is essentially being carnally minded and a relationship based on such doesn't have God's blessing upon it nowhere. I suggest you find a good pastor and go get some serious advice from him instead of trying to find people here to coddle your emotions and help you feel good about your decision. You need someone to get in your face and make you feel very uncomfortable about things because that is what will be needed if you want to save your marriage.

Sophrosyne, you are a perfect example of the type of person that turns people off from Christianity with your better-than-thou attitude. Stop being so judgemental. I'm so thankful I'm already a Christian, because people like you would make me never want to have anything to do with Christianity. It's sad. You represent Jesus, and when you do so in such a poor way you become part of the reason people don't accept Christ.

 

[aiki]

What? If divorce is so "ungodly" as you claim, why does the LORD allow it?

Matthew 19:7-8
7 They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?"
8 He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.

Malachi 2:14-16
14...she is your companion And your wife by covenant.
15 But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.
16 "For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one's garment with violence," Says the Lord of hosts. "Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously."


Selah.

 

[Sweetgrass09]

I am sorry I do not know about any organizations that can help you out (I am in Canada and we have more social programs to help those in need...come here!) but don't listen to every one telling you to divorse. I have dealt with infidelity and it can be hard but if you two truly love each other yo will learn to forgive dispute it being hard. Everything will be okay and God will look after you. Go to your local churches and poverty organizations for resources, I am sure they would have help for new parents who are struggling. At the absolute worst you could always have an open adoption. The child would be raised by another couple but you two would still be greatly involved in their life (not sure about the details, you would have to do more research)

I will pray for you and your wife and baby!

 

[Lion King]

Matthew 19:7-8
7 They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?"
8 He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.

Malachi 2:14-16
14...she is your companion And your wife by covenant.
15 But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.
16 "For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one's garment with violence," Says the Lord of hosts. "Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously."


Selah.

“It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. Matthew 5:31-32