My wife is pregnant with somebody else's child.

[Ship2468]

Dump her...
...if you already made up your mind, why did you come here to ask us for our views?

I didn't come here to ask for your view or whether or not I should "dump her." I explained my situation and then asked for advice on finding a charitable pro-life organization that might help my family out financially.

 

[CoFrye]

Im sorry that I do not have any advice as to your original question about what places may be able to help. It is a strange situation indeed and most places are unwilling to help even if the situation is not as dire as yours is. Perhaps the local dcs/dhs offices could help. While I would prefer not advise welfare there could be something done there, I know in TN when a woman is pregnant she can get on Tenncare which will help with the cost of doctor visits and such.

I think you are doing the right thing, more so I think you are doing what the Bible would want you to do. Not only are we shown the true love of God in your actions, but we are shown a bit of how God acts towards us. When we cheat on God, when we sin, God is still ready to accept us and happily washes our slate clean.

Finally to the naysayers let me point out one thing..

1 JOhn 3:17

"And he that seeith his brother in need and shutteth up his bowels of compassion how dwelleth the love of God in him?"

Im sure you can get the point..

 

[motherprayer]

Ship, I feel I might be able to offer at least some encouragement. I had a four year old daughter when I met my husband, and after her natural father passed away, they bonded as daddy and daughter.

I might be able to help you seek out agencies that could help you if you would like. You can't send out pms unil I think 25 posts so I will give you my email: motherprayer@gmail.com

I support your decision fully, through whatever turns it takes.

 

[Soothfish]

I would go seek out a local congregation and ask what resources are available. There is bound to be something and there is bound to be someone.

National organizations have considerable upkeep so you will rarely find those. So I'd say ask around and make friends.

No matter what, know this: you will be RICHLY rewarded for what you have done. If not in this life then in the next.

A sacrifice like this cannot go unrewarded. It's that simple.

 

[katyn]

aw, what an admirable man of God you are!! you are giving her a lot of grace just like the Lord gives us I will pray for strength for you!! but: GO TO YOUR NEAREST FOOD PANTRY!!! they usually have tons of papers either hanging up or you can ask them for them about info. on free doctors/free dentists, etc. etc. TRY to go to a Christian one if there is one by you...do a search online. the other thing is, it may be very tight and difficult to hardly ever be able to go out to eat, to be late on payments and stress yourself out, to have to constantly seek out goodwill charities for used clothing etc. etc., but it will be worth it if you believe you are doing the right thing in God's eyes and also you will be so happy in your soul that you won't mind dealing with the financial straits. ALSO: LOOK UP ONLINE YOUR NEAREST FREECYCLE if you haven't yet!! it is just people offering millions of free things through email that they are simply done using, to an expensive piece of furniture for free that you've needed, to bags of clothing and shoes for you...etc. Good luck! oh, and yes, if you trust God to provide, HE most definitely WILL!

 

[Cactus Jack]

I didn't come here to ask for your view or whether or not I should "dump her." I explained my situation and then asked for advice on finding a charitable pro-life organization that might help my family out financially.

I misread it and I'm sorry.

 

[Ship2468]

Thanks Katyn. Great ideas.

Cactus Jack, it's ok.

 

[StarBright]

So nice to see the responses turning around and being so much more supportive!

Katyn also reminded me, try places like Craigslist (and Freecycle, like she said) for used baby clothes, cribs, toys, etc. You could probably find used maternity clothes there for your wife. Also try the stores within Salvation Army or Goodwill for baby stuff.

If you're comfortable telling me where you live (no address, just city and state) I'll gladly look up some local resources for you. I have a lot of experience with living in poverty and how to dig up places most people don't know about or just don't know how to find. If not, that's cool, I won't be offended!

How are things with you and your wife?

 

[Sketcher]

I suppose you could look for Christian pregnancy centers in your area, or have a talk with probably your pastor first, and with his advise on how much to share, ask the deacons at your church for help.

Do you consider giving the baby up to adoption to be an option for you? I hear that raising such a child is very, very hard.

 

[Ship2468]

If you're comfortable telling me where you live (no address, just city and state) I'll gladly look up some local resources for you.
How are things with you and your wife?

Chicopee, MA. Thanks! She was just talking to me about how she needs maternity clothes and doesn't know where the money will come from.

And things are going well. It's only been a short time, but I think we're on a good path to making our marriage work.

 

[Ship2468]

Do you consider giving the baby up to adoption to be an option for you? I hear that raising such a child is very, very hard.

I suggested adoption, but she said she could never do that. I have enough love to take care of this child without it bothering me that it's not mine.

 

[Aijalon]

I'm willing to write this here because this is pretty much anonymous...

My wife told me she wanted to see other people. I was devastated at first, but I eventually accepted that we were going to have to get a divorce since she was seeing other people. A week ago she came to me crying. She told me she had gotten pregnant and was going to have an abortion. I'm very much against abortion because I believe it's the death of a child. And I know if she got the abortion she would greatly regret it. So I told her I would help her raise the child, and I would act as the child's father. The child's biological father wants my wife to get an abortion, and was putting a lot of pressure on her. My wife said she needed to go through with the abortion to try to fix her mistakes. I told her the child is a blessing from God, and has the purpose of helping her to turn her life around. She went to Planned Parenthood, but she couldn't go through with it, thank God. She has decided to keep the child. I had been over the fact that her and I were going to get a divorce, but I found it attractive that she made such a hard and right decision. Feelings for her came flooding back. I told her I didn't want a divorce, and she told me she was thinking the same thing and wants to go to marriage counseling. So as it stands now we are going to try to become a couple again, and we are going to raise this child together.

However, we are very short on money and another child will come with a lot of extra expenses. My wife has a spinal fusion and is very limited in what work she can do. She is trying to find a job. I am on Social Security Disability and work part-time making near minimum wage.

Does anybody have any idea how to go about finding charitable organizations that could help us out financially?

Sorry nothing specific, but you might be able to get help from a local crisis pregnancy center.

You could possibly apply for a grant, these are hard to apply for, but if you can find a condition you or the child has which qualifies for the grant you can sometimes get several thousand dollars or more.

The government gives benefits for child care sometimes to people who are out of work so they can look for work.

Sorry I don't have anything better.

God bless

Stay strong.

 

[Spunkn]

Chicopee, MA. Thanks! She was just talking to me about how she needs maternity clothes and doesn't know where the money will come from.

And things are going well. It's only been a short time, but I think we're on a good path to making our marriage work.

That's awesome. I hope God really blesses you in your choice. It definately wasn't an easy one.

 

[StarBright]

Ship - I'm on it! I'll PM you with anything I find, just for privacy's sake. And I'm so glad things are going well. The road ahead may get bumpy, but you two can get through this! FWIW I also considered adoption (and briefly, abortion, but quickly knew I couldn't do that) when I became an unwed mother years ago. But it didn't take long for me to know that I could never give my own child away. Sometimes, you just know that you can't do that, and it sounds like you and your wife already know that.

 

[BFine]

The Salvation Army is a good source for helping folks out...they should
have a list of other organizations that help out indigent families.
There should be clothes closets in your area, there's sure plenty
in mine.
Check the local paper for yard sales-- there's usually lots of baby items
available cheap.

Talk to a lawyer/legal aide--
since this child isn't yours biologically, it is the bio dad's
place to financially support his child-- this would be a legal matter
requiring paternity and subsequent child support payments for the
child he helped to create. The man should be held responsible for
his part in this matter--your wife didn't get pregnant without his "help".

I would advise counseling for you and your wife, if she won't go, then you go.
I would seek Christian mentoring and prayer partners at church.

I know of several situations such as the one you are in -- sorry but none of them
turned out well because the erring spouses didn't stop their adulteries.

If you are bent on putting the marriage back together, it must be a joint effort in order
for it to work.

Take care of the loose-end(s)--
The thing about loose ends is this, you don't know when the loose end may show up
and cause problems. It is noble you are willing to help your wife raise the child she
made with her ex-lover but what happens when the ex- lover decides he wants to be
'daddy'?
Not only that, your posts don't really show she's made a commitment to staying faithfully
to you--this needs to be addressed.

There's something troubling going on in your marriage and until those issues are resolved
I don't see things improving-- adding child(ren) to the mix isn't going to cure what is wrong in the marriage. You and your wife need to work on the real problems ASAP before
it's too late.

 

[ninzae]

Ship2468, God bless your heart. May you continue to grow in grace as you deal with this issue.

 

[EugeneKoshanof]

My friend, I totally admire your decision!
Forgive your wife, especially since she came crying back. Raise the child, and see God doing miracles.

 

[Hetta]

I'm not being played. After I told her I would help her raise the child she still planned on getting an abortion. I prayed about it a lot and tried to convince her not to. Days later she went to the clinic to have the abortion. She filled out all the paperwork and when it came to taking the pills she just couldn't go through with it. God had softened her heart.

So no, I'm not being played.

If I hadn't been willing to help raise the child, the child would have been aborted. I'm not just going to "let them deal with their baby" as if I have no moral obligation. I need to do what's right, and God put me in this situation for a reason. But I need some help financially.

I've been active on various Christian and pro-life websites in the past. And a month ago I went to the March For Life in DC. I'm very much against abortion. I'm doing my part to help prevent an abortion, but I need other pro-lifer's to help me out.

It's ironic and sad to me that all these 'pro-life' people want you to dump and run. :shaking my head:

Good for you for wanting to stand by your wife and this child. I don't know any agencies that can help you, sorry, but you could approach your church in the first place.

 

[Ship2468]

Thanks again to everyone who is being supportive. It's greatly appreciated. It really helps out emotionally to know people support our situation.

StarBright, thank you for the list of resources. I'll look into them as time goes on and as we need things. I think what we need most right now is maternity clothes. I'll look into those places you gave me and call them to see if they could help with this. Thanks again.

 

[StarBright]

You're welcome, Ship!

Also, would just like to say that for those who think they should pursue this other guy for child support, I disagree. This child will have two parents. If this guy stays out of their lives, that will be a blessing for all of them. Dragging this man into court for his paycheck will only embitter him against the family, and possibly make him want to fight for custody/visitation rights (which makes total sense, you want the guy's money, he's got a right to see the child). IMHO (and I speak from experience) if the guy is willing to quietly walk away and leave this child in a secure, loving, two-parent home, LET IT BE. A child support paycheck is not worth dragging this innocent child through custody battles and the emotional trauma of bouncing between two families.