My husband died unexpectedly and suddenly at age 50

[jfgm]

Dear Jane,

Thank you. I appreciate your warmth. I know what you mean about feeling vulnerable... I do, too.

I am going to Maryland, where we lived for 17 years, to conduct a Memorial Service in my husband's honor this Saturday. I would appreciate your prayers for my time spent down there, if the Lord puts me on your heart. I'm going for the weekend.

2/24/09 6:02 p.m.
FW, You are on my heart at this very moment. I am praying that your weekend goes well, that you are surrounded by supportive friends and that God's bountiful peace fills your heart as you have the Memorial Service. There may be some difficult moments, but you are honoring the fine man who was your husband and I'm sure that means so much to you.

I am becoming more and more convinced that God is really close to us right now. He has pain when we have pain, and He wants to comfort us. I guess we just have to learn how to recognize it. I've had a couple of things happen recently that I know were God-ordained, and meant to help me to learn to trust Him--in everything. They haven't eliminated my loss or my lonliness, but they surely have served to strengthen my faith.

I pray that God will make Himself so real to us that we will know, without a doubt, that we can count on Him to take us through this valley.

Your Sister in Christ,
Jane

 

[FallingWaters]

2/24/09 6:02 p.m.
FW, You are on my heart at this very moment. I am praying that your weekend goes well, that you are surrounded by supportive friends and that God's bountiful peace fills your heart as you have the Memorial Service. There may be some difficult moments, but you are honoring the fine man who was your husband and I'm sure that means so much to you.

I am becoming more and more convinced that God is really close to us right now. He has pain when we have pain, and He wants to comfort us. I guess we just have to learn how to recognize it. I've had a couple of things happen recently that I know were God-ordained, and meant to help me to learn to trust Him--in everything. They haven't eliminated my loss or my lonliness, but they surely have served to strengthen my faith.

I pray that God will make Himself so real to us that we will know, without a doubt, that we can count on Him to take us through this valley.

Your Sister in Christ,
Jane

Dear Jane,

I am so very thankful and grateful for your prayers. I had SUCH a refreshing time in the Lord!! I was so blessed on Friday night to be in the presence of God and to be ministered to by brothers and sisters in the Lord, walking in their spiritual gifts. I feel refreshed and renewed.

The memorial service was good and everyone appreciated the fact that I went down there to see them and share with them. I was blessed by all the love I received.

Sadly, while I was there, a man of about age 48 died of the same thing as my husband - an aneurysm. He left a wife and two children.

Someone prayed for me that Jesus would be so near to me that the loneliness would be broken off me, and I pray the same for you, too.

Even though we are in the fiery furnace, we know that Jesus is in here with us, and when we come out, our bonds will be burned off, and we won't even have the smell of smoke on our clothes!!

 

[jfgm]

All I can say is HALLELUJAH!!! PRAISE THE LORD!!

I am SO thankful you had such an uplifting and refreshing time. There is nothing that helps as much as praying, believing brothers and sisters in Christ to remind us that God has us under His wings.

We now have another sister who will need our prayers and God's presence. How my heart grieves for her. I would like to just put my arms around her and tell her she's not alone and offer to take a piece of her burden. She has us and, more importantly, she has God. When I go back to those first days, I don't know how I survived....numbness maybe. But as the days go by, we know how difficult this will be for her. I need to pray for her right now:

Oh, Dear God, be with this woman and her children. Lord she is entering what may well be the darkest days of her life. Please be with her. Don't leave her for one moment. Put your arms around her and hold her hand. When he days are dark and she is so alone and lonely, Lord I ask that you show yourself to her. Lift her head with your gentle hand and raise her eyes that she might see you. Help her to know how to deal with her children to help them through the loss of their Dad. Give them comfort too, Lord, in a way they will understand and benefit from. Lord, I ask you to bring this family and FW's family to my remembrance as I pray, and help them all to feel your comforting love and reassurance. In Jesus' name, Amen

I hope you are able to continue to bask in the wonderful time you had this weekend. I am so happy for you.

I have a ways to go, and it is good for me to see others having some semblance of joy returning to their lives. Blessings to you, my sister in Christ.

Juanita

 

[jfgm]

I haven't seen any posts from you for several days. I hope you are still feeling the joy and relief. I've thought about you often.
God Bless you my Sister,
Juanita

 

[FallingWaters]

I haven't seen any posts from you for several days. I hope you are still feeling the joy and relief. I've thought about you often.
God Bless you my Sister,
Juanita

Hi Juanita,

Thank you for your prayers.
I am still hopeful about all that God is doing in my life.
It seems like the first thought I have when I wake up has a lot to do with how I will be able to face the day. Most days, my first thought is faith-filled, but some days, my first thought is fearful, and I have to work for quite a while to resist the fear and get back into a faith position.
Does that happen to you, too?
God is purifying me of a lot of fear in my heart.

I pray God's blessings on you.
I hope and pray that today you would hear God's voice and trust Him and obey Him.

 

[jfgm]

So good to hear you are doing better and hanging on to God's promises.
Mornings are hardest for me. When I wake up I think about the long empty day ahead. I think I need to take a lesson from you and immediately start thinking about God's goodness. Last night, I did ask God to give me a song in the morning. The first song that came to me after I asked Him, was Jesus Loves Me. What a wonderful promise.

Some days I do pretty well, other days are horrible. Tonight, I went to the church that Ken and I were both raised in (we left there over 30 years ago and have gone to other churches). We still have good friends there. It was kind of hard to do, but I felt that God wanted me to go. They were all so welcoming and loving. It was like an instant Christian family support. I asked them to annoint me with oil and pray that God would give me peace in my heart to be able to deal with Ken's death. I do believe God is working on that for me. Thank God for praying, believing, loving Christians.

I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Juanita

 

[FallingWaters]

Dear Juanita,

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I had a hard day today. I kept having anxious thoughts... worrying about/fearing the future.

I started thinking about the words "only be strong and very courageous" from Joshua 1:7. I was thinking about the word "very". I was thinking how I need to be more than courageous... I need to be VERY courageous.

I meditated on the scripture from 2 Timothy 1:7 ESV for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

This is a very difficult trial for me. All my life I have feared not being able to support myself financially, and now I am forced into that position. I feel overwhelmed and paranoid about the future.

I pray that God would make Himself real to you and make you feel loved and safe.

 

[FallingWaters]

I have been struggling very badly with anxiety for the last few days. This morning is really difficult. I am overwhelmed with all the stuff out of control in my life. I am beginning to feel physically sick because of the anxiety.

Would you please pray for me... for God to give me wisdom on what are the most important things to tackle? And to grant me the grace to trust the outcomes in His hands. And that He would envelope me in His Peace. Or anything else you think appropriate?

 

[jfgm]

Oh, FW, I wish I was there with you so I could put my arms around you. I know exactly what you are feeling. It is horrible to feel that you have no control over things and don't know what's ahead. This morning I was trying to pay bills, and I kept making mistakes. It was like I couldn't concentrate on what I was doing. It felt like I was really "losing it". I am hardly the person to give you advice, since I'm not sure how well I'm handling things, but I feel that God has been trying to talk with me over the last few days.

Yesterday when I opened my Bible, the following verse jumped off the page to me:

Psalms 30:11-12
You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever.

And then, this song came to me: Peace, peace, wonderful peace coming down from the Father above, sweep over my spirit forever I pray, in fathomless billows of love. I sang the song over and over as tears flowed down my cheeks.

I had just read this verse on someone's post the day before and it was like God was confirming it to me again.

Today, I was in such travail, praying for God to please give me some direction, to help me know what His plans for me were, to give me some idea about how the rest of my life would be. I had the TV on a Christian station and while I was praying these things, I heard the TV speaker give a scripture. I looked it up and this is what it said:

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you.....plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.

God gave me a response while I was yet praying for it. I still don't know what the answers are, but I know God has a plan and in His time He will show me. My tears flowed out of thankfulness and appreciation.

They closed the program with this scripture:
II Kings 20:5
"....Thus saith the Lord, the God of David thy father, I HAVE HEARD THY PRAYER, I HAVE SEEN THY TEARS: BEHOLD I WILL HEAL THEE.

It may have been referring to physical healing, but I know it applies to our emotional healing too.

Our dear heavenly Father, we come before you now with our petition for your grace and healing of our spirits. Lord you know the sorrow we are feeling. You see our grief and loss and you suffer with us. God, I ask with all the honestly and fervancy I have, to be with FW and with me as we trust you to give us wisdom about how to deal with this new life we are living. Direct our actions, help us to recognize your guidance. Lord, give us the faith we need to feel confident that our emotional needs, physical needs, financial needs, and spiritual needs will be met by your Divine intervention. Please heal our broken hearts so that we can continue to live the life you have given us. Make yourself so real that we can feel your will in each task that we undertake. Thank you Lord, for being a loving God who wants us to glorify you with our words and our actions. With grateful hearts and praise in the midst of our trial, we ask again for your peace that surpasses all understanding. We ask these things in the name of Jesus. Amen

Please keep in touch.
Juanita

 

[FallingWaters]

Thanks Juanita.

A friend called me on the phone yesterday - a godly woman - and she prayed for me.
I've been doing much better since then.

Thank you for sharing your encouragements with me.
It is so important for each of us to hear from the Lord, isn't it?!

The scripture that really helped me yesterday was when Jesus said to the wind and the waves: "Peace; be still." When my friend was praying for me, she mentioned that scripture, and I suddenly felt as though Jesus was saying that to my soul... so I just received it as a word from the Holy Spirit.

I felt better and at peace. The fear went away.

I pray for you that the Lord would teach you how to recognize His voice,
so that you can hear Him and obey Him.

I know that He loves you and is with you.

 

[jfgm]

Peace be still. What a comforting phrase. It's just what I need today. I need to totally internalize and take it into my soul. I feel like I've been on a spiritual rollercoaster the last week. I haven't been sleeping well, and I think that complicates things even more.

Tomorrow is Ken's birthday. I've been thinking about it for days. I am so sad that he won't be here with us. It will be the first birthday in 49 years that I haven't celebrated it with him. My life is so different. Everything is SO different!

Please remember me in your prayers-- today and tomorrow especially, Thank you.
Juanita

 

[FallingWaters]

Peace be still. What a comforting phrase. It's just what I need today. I need to totally internalize and take it into my soul. I feel like I've been on a spiritual rollercoaster the last week. I haven't been sleeping well, and I think that complicates things even more.

Tomorrow is Ken's birthday. I've been thinking about it for days. I am so sad that he won't be here with us. It will be the first birthday in 49 years that I haven't celebrated it with him. My life is so different. Everything is SO different!

Please remember me in your prayers-- today and tomorrow especially, Thank you.
Juanita

*Hugs*
My husband's birthday is coming up, too on the 23rd.
I've already decided we're going out to eat... no cooking.
He always cooked brunch on Sunday after church.

49 years is such a long time.
I'm so very sorry for the pain you are experiencing.
I'm glad the "peace be still" helped you.

Today, I realized that I lost my best friend. He was the best friend I ever had. I was his best friend, too.

 

[jfgm]

Today was Ken's birthday. A tough day. The whole last week has been rough, just anticipating it. My daughter and her husband travelled down here last night and spent the day with me today. Most of the time we just sort of talked and cried and reminisced. Then we went and got flowers and balloons and took them to the cemetery. That was hard, but necessary. We cried--a lot. I was able to pray and ask God to help me to let go of Ken and freely give him back to God. In Ken's place, I asked God to give me peace, consolation, comfort and to fill the gigantic void with which I'm left. God was there with us and I feel that he is trying to help me start down the healing road. I'm sure I won't "be there" immediately, and I know there will be many more tears of lonliness and grief, but I'm sure going to try to hang onto God's promises to be with me. When I was done praying, I was able to sing the old hymns, "When we all get to heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be, when we all see Jesus, we'll sing and shout the victory." and the one that settled my soul, "Peace, peace, wonderful peace, coming down from the father above. Sweep over my spirit forever I pray, in fathomless billows of love." Another song just came to me: "Sweep over my soul, sweep over my soul, sweet spirit sweep over my soul. My rest is complete as I sit at your feet, sweet spirit sweep over my soul." I know this road will be long, but I know I'm not walking it alone.

I have been seeing so many scriptures that promise that God will take care of me:

May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant. Let your compassion come to me that I may live.
Psalms 119:76-77

In Psams 107:6, 13, 19, 28 I think we get the message that God wants to end our distress.

:6 Then, they cried to the Lord in their trouble and he delivered them from their distress.
:13 Then they cried to the Lord in ttheir trouble, and he saved them from their distress.
:19 Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress:
:28 Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress.

I think he wants us to know that he will get us out of our distress!!

I know what you mean about losing your best friend. Ken was mine too. There's no one else that I have ever been that comfortable with.

Take care sister,
Juanita

 

[waitingforGod]

I just discovered this site. I, too am a new widow. My husband of 30 years, 4 months passed away very suddenly on Nov. 16, 2009. I just turned 49, have 6 children, which include 3 married, with 8 grandchildren! At home I have a 26 year old, who just moved back home (to help me) and 2 teens, 16 and 18. Thank the Lord, they are VERY good kids! They attend the same Christian High school that my husband and I met at! He was the love of my life, my best friend, my high school sweetheart, my only love! The only thing greater than my love for him is my love for God and my hope in eternal life. It is hard to go on without him! I was a very dependent, person, a stay-at-home wife and mom, which I LOVED! I have since started a part-time job a friend helped me get. That has been good for me, making me feel a little more independent and financially productive. The lonliness is just overwelming at times, (like right now!). I had crawled into bed tonite, tried to go to sleep & was overcome by the fact that I miss just laying here & talking to him! I know I can talk to God and He ALWAYS hears me, but the physical part of having that person next to me and responding is so missing! I find myself wondering when I'll "get over this"!

 

[FallingWaters]

Hi... I'm sorry for your loss. I recommend the widows forum in my signature whenever you're wondering if you're "normal". ~hugs~

 

[mauvesheep]

My husband died suddenly in the ER on Nov. 24, 2012. It was just one week short of his 53rd birthday. He had open heart surgery on Oct. 3, 2012. It was his second one and had many complications.Since the Lord saw him through a 10 hour surgery, I believed that he was going to be okay. It was not the case. We are both christian and so I know he is with the Lord; but the pain of loosing him is so great, it is difficult to get through each day. I am also struggling to keep a roof over my head. I have been off work for over two years now with an injury and my payments from worker's comp have ended. My husband was retired and receiving social security benefits due to his permanent disability. Social security has told me it will be four to five months before I will receive anything from them. I try every day to get up and give my burdens to the Lord, but it is hard. I want so badly to see my husband again; I am longing for the Lord's return like never before.

 

[Rememberme]

My husband died suddenly in the ER on Nov. 24, 2012. It was just one week short of his 53rd birthday. He had open heart surgery on Oct. 3, 2012. It was his second one and had many complications.Since the Lord saw him through a 10 hour surgery, I believed that he was going to be okay. It was not the case. We are both christian and so I know he is with the Lord; but the pain of loosing him is so great, it is difficult to get through each day. I am also struggling to keep a roof over my head. I have been off work for over two years now with an injury and my payments from worker's comp have ended. My husband was retired and receiving social security benefits due to his permanent disability. Social security has told me it will be four to five months before I will receive anything from them. I try every day to get up and give my burdens to the Lord, but it is hard. I want so badly to see my husband again; I am longing for the Lord's return like never before.

Dear Mauvesheep,Glad you found this site.Sorry you have to know the pain of this loss of your dear husband.

You are still in the raw of this journey.My husband passed on Sept. 10th 2011 from cancer,after two and one half years of pain.The pain you experience does get easier but it is there all the time. Distractions help some but allow yourself time to grieve also.Half of you is gone and this is your different world now. Be especially kind to yourself.If you need to cry, cry.You do not have to be brave or spiritual super woman.Just be.Knowing the Lord is with you.He has not forgotten you although if feels like it sometimes.You will realize His provision even when you can not pray.Help! will be your word of the day.You will see His provision.I have seen God provide in a wonderful way.He is no respecter of persons and will make a way for you.You will feel like dying also.If you could will it you would do it.This is all normal reaction to your great loss.

I understand the longing for the Lords return.Husband is gone and the world is upside down also.the only reason I have to stay is to help my daughter who has a special needs daughter.The view on your life will get better with time.

If you have any more questions feel free to ask.Others in here can also help you. Be patient with yourself.When you are screaming I want to be normal just know it will get easier.You will NEVER forget your husband though.

Peace(((hugs)))

 

[mauvesheep]

Rememberme,
Thank-you so much for your lovely and encouraging words. I am so sorry for your loss. And you are right. Sometimes all I can manage to get out in a prayer is Help. My thought and prayers are with you.

God Bless

 

[nanajojothatsme]

so sorry for your loss , I am a widow since jan. 2009 , it was almost till last summer that I finally realized how much I was grieving and how it affected my daily life, with kids grown and grandchildren that don't need me like they did, it seems I only had my job to rely on. now I see things differently like a veil being opened in my life , I still do grieve but differently , but I do now understand why some grieve different than others from going 2 years to a grievance loss group(well worth the experience where you see others going through what you are and realize you are not alone in this world feeling this way)long story short , I am now growing and becoming just one where I was two with my husband, nothing is as easy as we like it to be but I am sure God knows what He is doing . hopefully I am making sense and again a big hug to you and just allow your grievance to work it's way through for there is a reason for grieving.

 

[mauvesheep]

Thank-you for taking the time and I am so sorry for your loss as well. I don't feel up to sharing in a group right now; but I am sure that will change with time. A hug to you as well and God Bless you.