My husband died unexpectedly and suddenly at age 50

[FallingWaters]

It will be 4 weeks ago, tomorrow.
I am still in some shock and denial, though it's beginning to wear off.
I hopped right over into the acceptance stage right away, but a friend told me to expect the other stages to come around eventually.
I've only experienced a few little glimpses of the anger stage so far.

We were married 26 years. He was the man of my dreams when we met.
The first 15 years were great. The last 3 years were pretty good.
The 8 years in between were hard.
The last 2 months... we were like newlyweds again. It was a gift from God.

I still have 1 more memorial services to attend... in July.
We are burying him in June.

We have 3 kids together.
He had 2 kids previously, and they each have 3 children, so I have 6 grandchildren.

I know he's in Heaven enjoying the presence of God.

He was a faithful husband, a hard worker, and good Samaritan, and fun to be around (when he wasn't stressed out). He loved me very much, and served our family always.

My children are 23-daughter, 19-son, and 15-son.

Financially, I was terrified at the beginning, though I have some faith now. I have never had a full-time job in my life... and once when I worked 20 hours a week for 3 weeks in a row, I barely had any energy left to do laundry and cooking. So I'm a little scared about that. My health insurance runs out in one year.

 

[Chrystal-J]

So sorry to hear about your loss! I went through a lot of the same things when my husband passed. I was terrified about how I was gonna pay the bills too. 2 months after he died, I lost our house. But, thank the Lord, I was able to find a new house that was much cheaper. Somehow I made my way and I'm financially stable now.
It's really hard the first year, but things do get better.
Sorry again for your loss.
Take Care,
C J

 

[FallingWaters]

Thank you for sharing.
I'm sorry for your loss, too.
He must have been young?
Did you have a full-time job at the time he died?
The scariest thing for me is living without health insurance.

 

[nanajojothatsme]

I am so sorry, I lost my husband at the age of 57 this January,
I am doing much better at the moment and pray it only gets better
been through the anger I think and boy that is horrible
I have been through the irritability too and impatience with others , not good either

 

[FallingWaters]

I haven't hit the anger stage yet. I'm still having a hard time believing it happened!

 

[nanajojothatsme]

I haven't hit the anger stage yet. I'm still having a hard time believing it happened!

yes , I understand totally
do you go to a support group ?
we have two in my town
one at a church and one offered by hospice ,which I go to
so nice to be around others who understand and you also get alot of good advice on things and can be a good social group also for you , you all have one thing in common , a loss of a loved one and you all grieve

 

[nanajojothatsme]

I haven't hit the anger stage yet. I'm still having a hard time believing it happened!

I found the anger was also with the irritability , and impatience I had , only been 4 months but I do see a good deal of improvement . now the forgetfulness is still here and that is definately part of it also. still looking for things I know I should know where they are.

 

[FallingWaters]

I belong to a Celebrate Recovery group with some other women from my church. They are the ones who have given me the most support.

 

[FallingWaters]

The numbness keeps wearing off, little by little.
The realization keeps settling in more and more.
Andy's dead.
He's not coming back.
The responsibility is all on my shoulders.
It's heavy... and scary.
Andy's dead.
I'm alone.
No one to rely on anymore.
At least, not in the way one relies on a spouse...
one who was always faithful and always cared.
I do have family and friends, but it's not the same.
My Andy's dead... and he's not coming back.

When I think about how badly I wanted him...
how much he loved me...
it's too hard to say goodbye to such a love...


I know God is with me.
He hasn't abandoned me.
But a spouse is a life-partner...
a companion... someone to go through life with.
someone who loves you through thick and thin...
even when you're hard to live with.


I know God loves me.
I know God is good.
But I miss my Andy. ...

 

[bill'swife]

I am so sorry FW!!!! Praying for you!!!!! *hugs*

 

[FallingWaters]

I am so sorry FW!!!! Praying for you!!!!! *hugs*

Thank you...

 

[Ceairah2aT]

I'm also sorry to hear that you're in so much pain right now. Going through something like this is SO painful and confusing. I tried to go to church as much as possible and that helped. *Hugs and prayers* for you!

 

[bill'swife]

Still praying for you hun! May God continue to bless, comfort and strengthen you each day!!!

 

[FallingWaters]

I'm also sorry to hear that you're in so much pain right now. Going through something like this is SO painful and confusing. I tried to go to church as much as possible and that helped. *Hugs and prayers* for you!

Thank you. I've been sticking close to my church family and to the Lord, too,
and staying in the word and keeping my armor on... by the grace of God.
Thank you for your hugs and prayers.

My husband was a truly faithful husband...
and honest and trustworthy our whole marriage...
a true gem.

 

[FallingWaters]

Still praying for you hun! May God continue to bless, comfort and strengthen you each day!!!

Thank you for your prayers.
I appreciate it so much.
Some days are very hard.
Yesterday, I felt myself begin to sink into despair,
but by the grace of God and because of the prayers of those who are lifting me up to the Lord,
I did not fall down.
Praise the Lord.

 

[Learnin'2-4Give]

I am so sorry for whoat you are going thru. It's a "club" that none of us want to belong to. I lost my husband suddenly on March 12, 2008. James was just 45 and truly the love of my life, my soulmate. We were married 3 weeks shy of 3 years. Still newlyweds and planned on always being that way.

Six weeks after James died, my brother-in-law passed away (his wife, my husband's sister, has been a huge help to me in our shared grief--we have a special bond now. Three months after James died, I was fired from my job. My boss couldn't really understand why I wasn't "over it". We lost a grandson in January of this year.

As awful as all of those events have been, there have been so many blessings. My church family has been amazing. My 3 stepdaughters and I have been blessed by a loving relationship. My father-in-law has been awesome. He knows what I'm going through. He has lost 2 wives and a fiancee. He is so supportive and motivating.

You probably will go thru all of the stages at some point--I have gone thru some of them more than once. Keep yourself in the word--there are times when it is so difficult. Let God carry you. Keep the faith, ask God to bless you.

It is such a comfort to know that my husband is with the Lord. He was an amazing Christian man. He came to know the Lord in prison and had such a deep and strong love for Christ. He taught me so much and really walked the walk.

I currently am having a difficult time. Sometimes the grief is so fresh and raw. The lonliness can be unbearable--even when we have the faith and know that we are not truly alone--that Christ is always there for us. When you find yourself in those dark places, it is more important than ever to rest in the arms of Christ.

Blessings and prayers,
Julie

 

[jfgm]

Hi FW, we are on a painful journey. My husband of 48 years died just over 4 weeks ago. I have seen a hospital chaplain several times, and she had me do a "project" where I wrote a letter to me from God in my journal. The project was to be spontaneous and without giving it prior thought. It was a very helpful thing to do. When I wrote it, I just let the words flow. I didn't think about what I was writing except for one word at a time. It was odd that while I wrote it I was pretty in control, the crying only came when I went back and read what I had written. I go back and read it once in a while now and it feels like what God and my husband would say to me if I could hear them. I felt a little odd doing it, but I think it opened my mind to listen to what God may be trying to tell me.
My prayer for you:
God, I ask that you visit with FW right now. Help her to feel your comforting peace and the reassurance that you will take care of her and all her needs. Lord, I ask for a strength and confidence that gives FW the courage to face each day with renewed energy and hope. We know you are the source we need to turn to and that you will be there whenever we need you. Help us, Lord, not to doubt when we don't see all the answers right now. Help us to realize that your time is the best and that you are working out things so that when we get there, the future will be ready for us, and we will be ready for the future. Thank you, Lord, for the comfort we have knowing that our loved one is in your care now and that we will see them again. Come to us in our sad and lonely times and touch our hearts with your love. We ask these things in Jesus name. Amen

 

[FallingWaters]

Hi FW, we are on a painful journey. My husband of 48 years died just over 4 weeks ago. I have seen a hospital chaplain several times, and she had me do a "project" where I wrote a letter to me from God in my journal. The project was to be spontaneous and without giving it prior thought. It was a very helpful thing to do. When I wrote it, I just let the words flow. I didn't think about what I was writing except for one word at a time. It was odd that while I wrote it I was pretty in control, the crying only came when I went back and read what I had written. I go back and read it once in a while now and it feels like what God and my husband would say to me if I could hear them. I felt a little odd doing it, but I think it opened my mind to listen to what God may be trying to tell me.
My prayer for you:
God, I ask that you visit with FW right now. Help her to feel your comforting peace and the reassurance that you will take care of her and all her needs. Lord, I ask for a strength and confidence that gives FW the courage to face each day with renewed energy and hope. We know you are the source we need to turn to and that you will be there whenever we need you. Help us, Lord, not to doubt when we don't see all the answers right now. Help us to realize that your time is the best and that you are working out things so that when we get there, the future will be ready for us, and we will be ready for the future. Thank you, Lord, for the comfort we have knowing that our loved one is in your care now and that we will see them again. Come to us in our sad and lonely times and touch our hearts with your love. We ask these things in Jesus name. Amen

Hi Jane,

That's an interesting idea. I will keep it in mind... I may try it.

To tell you the truth, my knowledge of and trust in the Sovereignty of God is all that gives me peace. I know that God will not try me beyond what I am able to bear. I know that He has so many times in the past demonstrated his love and care for me... and healed my soul in miraculous ways. I have seen how He prepared me ahead of time for where I am now. I can only hope and pray that He will continue working in my life as He has done.

They say it takes about 5 years to heal from a death or divorce... 5 years til you get to the point where you're ready to invest yourself in life again. Frankly, I can't wait until I can look back and say, "Phew! I made it!"

I feel lonely and alone and scared a lot. And overwhelmed. But I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and do those things that need doing. I follow my heart and try to listen for God's voice. I have to just trust that He is speaking to me and directing me.

Thank you so much for your prayer. You encouraged me.

And I pray for you that God would help You in this very hour, that He would reveal Himself to you and that you would be able to trust Him and rest in Him.

 

[jfgm]

Hi FallingWaters
You have been on my heart today. I have felt your lonliness and sadness and my heart breaks for you. I understand so well what you are going through and it would be so nice if we could say or do something for each other that would soften the pain we are feeling. Try to remember (and this is a message to me too) that this is just a season we are in. Seasons change. And while the length of our "season" of grief is unknown, we know that God is here with us. I keep hearing the phrase, 'grief work' and it surely is work. I don't understand how it works. I don't understand why we have to go through it. I don't know why this has to be part of God's plan and all I can do is ask God to be with us, giving us grace to endure, hope for the future, and strength to keep going.

Today I tried just praising the Lord for being with me, for His wisdom, and for taking care of my husband in a happy place. I did also find myself asking Him to just take me home. This process is making me yearn for Him to come back so that I can leave this painful earth and see all my loved ones in heaven.

I see things happening in the politcal arena that actually are making me fearful of what the future holds for our country, the world, and for me personally. My husband was very knowledgeable about end-time prophesy and I know he would be able to tell me what it all means. I miss his explanations. I always thought I would be able to lean on his strength to help me during the events of the end times. Now, I feel so vulnerable because he's not here. I must learn to lean on God. Maybe that's part of the reason for grief. We learn that God is all we really have.

Please know that you are not alone. Although I don't know you personally, I do know how painful the road you are on is. I truly do ask God to give you peace, hope, comfort, confidence, assurance, and even some joy in the midst of your day.

God, please be with FW today. And be with all of us who are traveling this lonely road of grief and loss. In Jesus' name, Amen.

 

[FallingWaters]

Hi FallingWaters
You have been on my heart today. I have felt your lonliness and sadness and my heart breaks for you. I understand so well what you are going through and it would be so nice if we could say or do something for each other that would soften the pain we are feeling. Try to remember (and this is a message to me too) that this is just a season we are in. Seasons change. And while the length of our "season" of grief is unknown, we know that God is here with us. I keep hearing the phrase, 'grief work' and it surely is work. I don't understand how it works. I don't understand why we have to go through it. I don't know why this has to be part of God's plan and all I can do is ask God to be with us, giving us grace to endure, hope for the future, and strength to keep going.

Today I tried just praising the Lord for being with me, for His wisdom, and for taking care of my husband in a happy place. I did also find myself asking Him to just take me home. This process is making me yearn for Him to come back so that I can leave this painful earth and see all my loved ones in heaven.

I see things happening in the politcal arena that actually are making me fearful of what the future holds for our country, the world, and for me personally. My husband was very knowledgeable about end-time prophesy and I know he would be able to tell me what it all means. I miss his explanations. I always thought I would be able to lean on his strength to help me during the events of the end times. Now, I feel so vulnerable because he's not here. I must learn to lean on God. Maybe that's part of the reason for grief. We learn that God is all we really have.

Please know that you are not alone. Although I don't know you personally, I do know how painful the road you are on is. I truly do ask God to give you peace, hope, comfort, confidence, assurance, and even some joy in the midst of your day.

God, please be with FW today. And be with all of us who are traveling this lonely road of grief and loss. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Dear Jane,

Thank you. I appreciate your warmth. I know what you mean about feeling vulnerable... I do, too.

I am going to Maryland, where we lived for 17 years, to conduct a Memorial Service in my husband's honor this Saturday. I would appreciate your prayers for my time spent down there, if the Lord puts me on your heart. I'm going for the weekend.