Married for Five Years & Feeling Scared

[Riane87]

Hello -- I am new to this online community. Before I present my thoughts I would like to give a little background about me and my husband.

I was raised with a Baptist minister as a father and a homemaker as a mother. My parents raised me the right way in terms of Godliness. I have attended church all of my life with my parents. My husband and I still do to this day.

I met my husband almost seven years ago. He was nearly the exact opposite of my ideal man at the time. He wasn't raised in church, and oh my did it show! He used profanity profusely and he just loved bragging about all of his sexual conquests.

I, on the other hand, was a virgin when we met. I can remember a couple of instances when I tried to break up with him because I was so miserable in the relationship. However, it seems that I just couldn't do it. My husband (now a saved Christian) says that it was because of divine intervention.

While we were dating he was accused of doing an awful thing at work (we met at work). I don't want to get into too much detail, but it is enough to say that the thing was illegal and career-damaging. Although we had only been dating for a few months when it happened, I knew that there was no way he did it. He told me over and over that he didn't do it -- he was being railroaded by our boss. Our boss was, for lack of better words, a creepy fellow. I had no doubt that my boyfriend had been set up.

My husband found the Lord when we were engaged. I knew that I wouldn't be able to marry him until he found Jesus as his Savior. We soon were married and everything seemed fine until about three months into the marriage -- when he confessed that he was guilty of the workplace accusation. Needless to say, I was crushed.

Even though he confessed this to me five years ago, I still have a tough time with it now and again. To top it all off, he recently told me that he is tempted by inappropriate contentography. I know that he really tries to abstain from this evil, but he slips. I understand that he is human and that he is going to fail, but there are times when I almost feel hopeless. I'm afraid that I'll snap one day and say that enough is enough. I'm afraid and I feel like these fears are interrupting my relationship with the Lord.

I understand if you don't want to respond to this, but I ask that you keep me and my family in your prayers.

F.Y.I-- We have no children. I expressed my concerns with him last night as we read the Bible. I told him that I cannot think about having children when our future seems cloudy.

 

[Sam91]

I hope someone is along soon with a decent answer for you. In the meantime I pray that the Lord comforts you. Hugs xx

 

[unfinishedclay]

I'm praying too. And pray the Lord places someone in your path to minister in your situations. Please surround yourselves with leadership from church and be transparent with spiritually mature people who would be willing to pray for you both faithfully and care enough to mentor your husband in an accountability system.

 

[DZoolander]

Basically you're having a hard time coming to grips with the fact that he was dishonest at work, did something unethical, lied to you about it for a period of time, and that now he sometimes feels the urge to watch inappropriate content?

Is that about the crux of it?

 

[Farine]

Hello! Since this is your first post here, welcome to Christian Forums! It's sort of a combined introduction and prayer request post. This can be responded to in equal measures by hoping that even if you get some responses that aren't what you were expecting that you will still stay and fellowship. Your support system is important.

In reading your introduction and being a stranger at this point, I want to say that I will be praying for your family. You can look at my introduction post or other poster's introductions if you would like to have a little background on us. This can help you as it's not just you pouring out your heart.

I noticed that you didn't mention any weakness you struggle with. As we all struggle somewhere, I find that omission curious. It's important to be on our own faith journey with our primary focus there. THEN we have the spiritual flow of energy, love, mercy etc to respond to others.. even to our partners. It seems like your primary focus of faith is on your husband's situation. That means you are using your own human battery to fund your relationship. That's going to run low. .. lower.. and then finally **POOF!** quit.

Superfunding (a term I invented) is about the supernatural qualities of God infusing a person or situation to accomplish His will no matter what the natural environment says. That's what I want to encourage you to seek. GOD's love flowing through you--GOD's wisdom guiding your choices.. then you win no matter who does what when..

 

[Sam91]

You know what might help atm? Myself and my children memorised Ephesians 4:30-32. We have even made a poster to put it up on the wall. I bought a new bible the ESV... my other bible is a 1978 NIV. The NIV says to 'Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.''

I have found the ESV version a lot more practical as it tells me better how to do it ''Let all bitterness, wrath and anger and clamour and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you"

I like this as putting the emotions away from you, works so much better than quelling them down. It is so much easier to forgive once you have dealt with them. I really hope this helps. The next verse is really nice too

"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."

I will pray again for you to gain comfort and hopefully insight. Forgiveness might help as if it is still bothering you 5 years later maybe you have missed a step to forgive for when you have tried.

With love to you huni, Samantha

 

[~Anastasia~]

Hello -- I am new to this online community. Before I present my thoughts I would like to give a little background about me and my husband.

I was raised with a Baptist minister as a father and a homemaker as a mother. My parents raised me the right way in terms of Godliness. I have attended church all of my life with my parents. My husband and I still do to this day.

I met my husband almost seven years ago. He was nearly the exact opposite of my ideal man at the time. He wasn't raised in church, and oh my did it show! He used profanity profusely and he just loved bragging about all of his sexual conquests.

I, on the other hand, was a virgin when we met. I can remember a couple of instances when I tried to break up with him because I was so miserable in the relationship. However, it seems that I just couldn't do it. My husband (now a saved Christian) says that it was because of divine intervention.

While we were dating he was accused of doing an awful thing at work (we met at work). I don't want to get into too much detail, but it is enough to say that the thing was illegal and career-damaging. Although we had only been dating for a few months when it happened, I knew that there was no way he did it. He told me over and over that he didn't do it -- he was being railroaded by our boss. Our boss was, for lack of better words, a creepy fellow. I had no doubt that my boyfriend had been set up.

My husband found the Lord when we were engaged. I knew that I wouldn't be able to marry him until he found Jesus as his Savior. We soon were married and everything seemed fine until about three months into the marriage -- when he confessed that he was guilty of the workplace accusation. Needless to say, I was crushed.

Even though he confessed this to me five years ago, I still have a tough time with it now and again. To top it all off, he recently told me that he is tempted by inappropriate contentography. I know that he really tries to abstain from this evil, but he slips. I understand that he is human and that he is going to fail, but there are times when I almost feel hopeless. I'm afraid that I'll snap one day and say that enough is enough. I'm afraid and I feel like these fears are interrupting my relationship with the Lord.

I understand if you don't want to respond to this, but I ask that you keep me and my family in your prayers.

F.Y.I-- We have no children. I expressed my concerns with him last night as we read the Bible. I told him that I cannot think about having children when our future seems cloudy.

Hello and welcome to CF. Like others have said, I hope that even if you don't find an answer immediately, that you will stay around and benefit from the support here.

I don't have an answer for you - of course we ARE told to forgive, and we must. That isn't always easy, and in my experience it tends to come in stages when the offense is a serious one. The decision and commitment to forgive come first, followed by action and continuing to work on it for as long as it is necessary. But one thing jumped out at me about your story - the fact that your husband has confessed to you. That takes a degree of trust, and usually a desire to be accountable and wish to be honest and to seek forgiveness. That is something to build on, imo. Often that is missing.

If it were me, I would speak to my pastor and my spiritual father for guidance. I hope you have such a person who gives good and helpful advice, seeking to restore the relationship through honesty. Some pastors may come from a different place and give less than helpful advice ... Or perhaps a Christian counselor?

Holding onto a grudge from five years ago isn't good for your relationship with your husband, obviously, but it also isn't good for your relationship with God. And I am hearing that that is important to you as well. So you have my prayer that you can find help to deal with this and begin to make progress. May God be with you!

And again, welcome to CF.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I'd say it depends on what he did at work that ended up be true. Though whatever it was, I wouldn't hold onto it still. Our past is our past. We all do bad things sometimes. Things even as christians that makes us ashamed. If you don't let go of it then it will cause more problems down the road. Its good he at least confessed to it sooner rather then later.

As for the inappropriate content thing. I will not lie. I had an addiction and while I'm 99% free of it its still tempting. I messed up recently too. Is it worth leaving me over? No. Because we all have our vices and sins. For some its inappropriate content, for others its drinking, maybe buying alot, maybe envy...etc.

This does not excuse his actions of course. He needs to take steps to limit his access to inappropriate content. Though in a cell phone age it seems its harder on phones. Thankfully I do not have one. If your comfortable talking about it, is everything "ok" in the intimate end of things? Because theres usually a reason why someone starts looking at inappropriate content. Maybe something is going on like stress for example. Or lack of intimacy and so on.

 

[Thunder Peel]

It seems there were many red flags when you first met. He wasn't a Christian and yet you continued to stay with him. You even mention trying to break up with him and feeling miserable, yet for whatever reason you didn't and now you're stuck with a man who's extremely immature in his faith and can't seem to be honest about anything. You should have listened to those initial instincts and fled far from this guy. At this point you've made a commitment to him and to God and you need to keep it. Unless he's unfaithful or abusive you don't have a valid reason to get up and leave.

Find a good Christian counselor and see if that helps. I still think you talked yourself into marrying a guy that's not a good fit.