Male / Female Friendships

2Timothy2:15

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Thanks, but I have a supervisor and a spiritual director, and I'll take their counsel over that of internet randoms who don't know me.

I simply said pray about it and read scripture. Not sure where" supervisor or spiritual advisor" is in the bible...

God used a donkey so I guess using a "internet random" is not out of the realm of possibility now is it. I would also point out, you engaged me on this thread first...
 
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Greg J.

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Do you even understand what biblical judgement is?

Maybe you should pray about what the point of 153 is if it is not obvious to you.

Start by reading 1 Corinthians 5
I simply said pray about it and read scripture. Not sure where" supervisor or spiritual advisor" is in the bible...

God used a donkey so I guess using a "internet random" is not out of the realm of possibility now is it. I would also point out, you engaged me on this thread first...
I can't speak for her, but it may be that she is too polite (or nonjudgmental) to point out that real understanding of anything only comes through experiences, otherwise it is a belief in ideas. When it is a part of someone's job to help others on the path to heaven with the potential to accidentally push them toward hell they learn to be careful with what they say.

What they learn through multiple experiences is that one doesn't really "know anything" without knowing the circumstances and the people in involved in detail, and also removing whatever bias they have, and then recognizing that in the end they still must rely on their own imperfect judgment.

A wise person will not behave such that they have great knowledge, they will act according to the truth that they do not have enough knowledge.

Now about food sacrificed to idols: We know that we all possess knowledge. Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know. (1 Corinthians 8:1-2, 1984 NIV)

It is child-like behavior when someone that understands the idea, but has no experience tries to instruct someone who understands the idea, but has learned in what ways the ideas apply and when they don't apply. It is something that happens to anyone who feels responsible for doing a careful job with something when they have the power to significantly affect other people's lives.

This is something that often, but not always, comes with the passing decades of life. Through decades of obedience to God, however, God will put wisdom into even the greatest of fools, and it usually boils down to getting genuinely humbled so that one discovers that they really don't know anything and are completely worthless apart from the Holy Spirit. Experiencing this is much different that knowing about it. Being thoroughly humbled to be like God will painfully kill them.

Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” (1 Peter 5:5, 1984 NIV)
 
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Paidiske

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God used a donkey so I guess using a "internet random" is not out of the realm of possibility now is it.

No, but let me be blunt; you don't know me, and my interactions with you on this and other threads have not shown me that you have any desire to understand or appreciate someone whose take on life and faith is clearly very different from yours. I don't trust attempts at correction from someone who hasn't first listened (even in confession one tells the whole story before being given a penance)!
 
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seashale76

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Assuming you're married, would you care if your wife / husband has a best friend (or friend) who was the opposite sex? Do you think this is an ethical issue? Just curious what others think here. :)
This was discussed on a radio program I caught recently and they had the public chime in. Keep in mind this was a secular rock station. The general consensus was that at least one person in said friendship (usually the man) was always angling for it to be a 'friends with benefits' type of thing. There were tons of stories about how it destroyed relationships and marriages and became an affair.

Being friendly with various people vs. being BFFs is a distinction that needs to be made. I have male friends. However, I always see them socially in group situations and there is an expected distance that we all adhere to out of respect for our spouses. I feel that the BFF thing is highly inappropriate.
 
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YouAreAwesome

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When it is a part of someone's job to help others on the path to heaven with the potential to accidentally push them toward hell they learn to be careful with what they say.

Is this not every christian persons responsibility? Why do you elevate a paid christian over an unpaid christian?

This is something that often, but not always, comes with the passing decades of life.

What has this got to do with the conversation at hand?

This was discussed on a radio program I caught recently and they had the public chime in. Keep in mind this was a secular rock station. The general consensus was that at least one person in said friendship (usually the man) was always angling for it to be a 'friends with benefits' type of thing. There were tons of stories about how it destroyed relationships and marriages and became an affair.

EXACTLY!

Being friendly with various people vs. being BFFs is a distinction that needs to be made.

Yes!
 
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RaymondG

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There is nothing bad.....but I wanted to keep friends of the opposite sex, I would stay single...same for my wife. I am a sexy man and very nice and warm hearted.....if I do say so myself.....it is not possible for a female to continue conversations with me or go out, and not want more eventually....or get attached in some way. And I don't fool around with women that I could feel some sort of sexual attraction to either. Girls are emotional by nature.....they can fall in love by just talking...done guys too.

Of course you say that could never be you...but there is a second person as well. Wouldn't be respectful to your spouse if you are around someone giving googaly eyes to you.

Never know the day when your done gets mad and don't give you any for a month and that friend is there telling you how she would never do that to you...one thing leads to another...


I say stay single and keep the friends....And get closer to God. Else, get married and lose the friends and cleave to your spouse.

This is not all cases though...I know this could work of some.....but I don't want to give myself any extra temptations....I have enough already.
 
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TurtleAnne

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To me it seems that often when concerns of temptation over friendships come up, there is already an underlying problem in the relationship or marriage.

People with certain personality disorders can have emotional wounds that not only make them feel very insecure, but also subconsciously drive them towards a partner who will give them reason to feel insecure, and it can (and often does) go both ways.. both partners being insecure and/or having boundary issues when it comes to openly respecting their commitment to their partner (boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife).

This seems to be what makes friendships outside of the relationship or marriage feel treacherous, an underlying issue that exists before the friendships ever come to be, rather than the concept of such friendship being inherently treacherous.

So if I were to marry, whether or not my theoretical husband and I have friends outside of our marriage, even opposite-sex friends, wouldn't be the big concern to me, but rather it would be.. Can I trust this man? Does this man respect me? Will this man likely respect our marriage? And am I ready to show the same level of commitment and respect, even when things get rocky? Do I feel secure with this man? Does he feel secure with me? Are we both ready for this?
 
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Greg J.

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Is this not every christian persons responsibility? Why do you elevate a paid christian over an unpaid christian?
Because hobbyists are not professionals. Professionals have more detailed responsibilities and are held accountable by other people, and if they don't measure up, can be without money to pay the rent—not only next month, but also for the next several years.

They do not have the luxury of doing what they want, they must do what they believe is best and it also must meets the approval of other authoritative people right then and there, some who know more and have more experience as well as some who think they know more and have better experience. It means they need prior training in what other people will expect of them so that they can handle it when it is unloaded on them.

Professionals have standards that they must meet, and have to deal with people who think the pro should meet a fantastical standard that only exists in the judgmental person's mind. Professionals are forced to make decisions that will affect people's lives—who they then must be nice to every week.

Professionals have far more interactions with people, which results in a larger weight (or oppression) of always having to say and do what is exactly right, and in practice, has to smile and accept a cargo of complaints, criticisms, and (hopefully not too many) insults that come back—which they can't dismiss or ignore, but actually have to deal with as a Godly adult. People look at them and expect them to be like God.

Professionals recognize they they no longer just represent themselves, but they represent their organization. They have different responsibilities because of that and must speak and behave differently to accommodate it. Professionals can often not take a break even when they are getting overwhelmed with work or life. How important your cousin's overseas funeral is changes when you're also responsible for the well-being of a hundred or a thousand other people (It's a good thing the professional minister doesn't also have to feed them and change their diapers, except that sometimes they do actually have to be mom, even though it's not in the job description.)

People that love their hobby so much they want to do it all the time often try to turn it into a business. Most discover that it's completely different (especially for those that want to do the best job possible in their business). No longer do they get to do what they want, they have to do what pleases the people at the same time as doing what the people actually need, otherwise people take their business elsewhere, because there are these things called competition, personal preference, and being overly sensitive or zealous about silly things.

Thank you Lord, for doctors, other emergency services professionals, ministers, and the people who fix my furnace when it is below freezing outside. I'm glad it's not something they just do when they feel like it or only when it is received with thanksgiving.
 
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faroukfarouk

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To me it seems that often when concerns of temptation over friendships come up, there is already an underlying problem in the relationship or marriage.

People with certain personality disorders can have emotional wounds that not only make them feel very insecure, but also subconsciously drive them towards a partner who will give them reason to feel insecure, and it can (and often does) go both ways.. both partners being insecure and/or having boundary issues when it comes to openly respecting their commitment to their partner (boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife).

This seems to be what makes friendships outside of the relationship or marriage feel treacherous, an underlying issue that exists before the friendships ever come to be, rather than the concept of such friendship being inherently treacherous.

So if I were to marry, whether or not my theoretical husband and I have friends outside of our marriage, even opposite-sex friends, wouldn't be the big concern to me, but rather it would be.. Can I trust this man? Does this man respect me? Will this man likely respect our marriage? And am I ready to show the same level of commitment and respect, even when things get rocky? Do I feel secure with this man? Does he feel secure with me? Are we both ready for this?
Trust is a big factor.

My wife and I both had lots of friends from before we were married. While in so many ways our instincts about people have turned out to be uncannily similar, it's part of the marital bonding process to learn to respect the people with whom we have individually spent a lot of time with in the past.
 
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YouAreAwesome

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Because hobbyists are not professionals. Professionals have more detailed responsibilities and are held accountable by other people, and if they don't measure up, can be without money to pay the rent—not only next month, but also for the next several years.

They do not have the luxury of doing what they want, they must do what they believe is best and it also must meets the approval of other authoritative people right then and there, some who know more and have more experience as well as some who think they know more and have better experience. It means they need to be prior training in what other people will expect of them so that they can handle it when it is unloaded on them.

Professionals have standards that they must meet, and have to deal with people who think the pro should meet a fantastical standard that only exists in the judgmental person's mind. Professionals are forced to make decisions that will affect people's lives—who they then must be nice to every week.

Professionals have far more interactions with people, which results in a larger weight (or oppression) of always having to say and do what is exactly right, and in practice, has to smile and accept a cargo of complaints, criticisms, and (hopefully not too many) insults that come back—which they can't dismiss or ignore, but actually have to deal with as a Godly adult. People look at them and expect them to be like God.

Professionals recognize they they no longer just represent themselves, but they represent their organization. They have different responsibilities because of that and must speak and behave differently to accommodate it. Professionals can often not take a break even when they are getting overwhelmed with work or life. How important your cousin's overseas funeral is changes when you're also responsible for the well-being of a hundred or a thousand other people (It's a good thing the professional minister doesn't also have to feed them and change their diapers, except that sometimes they do actually have to be mom, even though it's not in the job description.)

People that love their hobby so much they want to do it all the time often try to turn it into a business. Most discover that it's completely different (especially for those that want to do the best job possible in their business). No longer do they get to do what they want, they have to do what pleases the people at the same time as doing what the people actually need, otherwise people take their business elsewhere, because there are these things called competition, personal preference, and being overly sensitive or zealous about silly things.

Thank you Lord, for doctors, other emergency services professionals, ministers, and the people who fix my furnace when it is below freezing outside. I'm glad it's not something they just do when they feel like it or only when it is received with thanksgiving.

So you do elevate a paid christian over an unpaid one? I am a "professional" christian (I get paid to be Christian teacher), but I respect the builder as much as I respect the priest. I learn from the child as much as I learn from the wise old teacher. I understand what you're saying, I've done my time in theological training and working for the church, but I realise our job is not to "please the people" but be ourselves and please God only.
 
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2Timothy2:15

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No, but let me be blunt; you don't know me, and my interactions with you on this and other threads have not shown me that you have any desire to understand or appreciate someone whose take on life and faith is clearly very different from yours. I don't trust attempts at correction from someone who hasn't first listened (even in confession one tells the whole story before being given a penance)!

I am sorry you feel that way....kind of a nasty comment though. Can't say I would expect anything less from what I can discern already.
 
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Greg J.

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So you do elevate a paid christian over an unpaid one?
It is God who elevates those who work hard and/or suffer and/or are serving others. God looks at their sacrifice, heart, and deeds, not their income. That is from your own mind. I never made reference to it.
 
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JCFantasy23

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I don't see an issue if it's strictly a friendship thing. Really it depends on the personality of the person. Some people naturally seem inclined to be better friends with the opposite sex and it seems natural to them.
 
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JCFantasy23

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I just remember growing up in the church, it was always viewed as a "bad" thing. Looking back, no idea why that would be though.

My mother told me culturally it was a "bad thing" and frowned upon in generations before this one.
 
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