Assuming you're married, would you care if your wife / husband has a best friend (or friend) who was the opposite sex? Do you think this is an ethical issue? Just curious what others think here.
I just remember growing up in the church, it was always viewed as a "bad" thing. Looking back, no idea why that would be though.As long as they're not cheating, I don't see a problem.
I gather that, the problem is there is no way to even know if it's a "temptation". In the meantime, one could be robbing themselves of meaningful (platonic) friendships.I would guess it's all about temptation.
Temptation is a two-way street. If it's only a one-way attraction, then it should remain harmless as long as the person feeling the attraction can be mature enough to put it aside to focus on the advantages of a strong platonic friendship. Of course, it will work best if that attraction isn't felt by either party. I've also been on the wrong end of one, where she really fancied me and I didn't reciprocate, in fact I was quite clear about the issue from early on, and yet our friendship did eventually collapse because she felt like I rejected her. Sigh...I gather that, the problem is there is no way to even know if it's a "temptation". In the meantime, one could be robbing themselves of meaningful (platonic) friendships.
I would guess it's all about temptation.
You're spot on, which is why I find the "temptation" argument so bizarre. Like the other person doesn't even exist or something. As long as one person keeps it platonic, makes no difference in my opinion.Temptation is a two-way street. If it's only a one-way attraction, then it should remain harmless as long as the person feeling the attraction can be mature enough to put it aside to focus on the advantages of a strong platonic friendship. Of course, it will work best if that attraction isn't felt by either party. I've also been on the wrong end of one, where she really fancied me and I didn't reciprocate, in fact I was quite clear about the issue from early on, and yet our friendship did eventually collapse because she felt like I rejected her. Sigh...
Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.(1 Timothy 5)Temptation with a best friend?? I don't think that's possible. Seriously!
Best friends are like brothers and sisters literally. There's a psychological term for it (that I forgot) that applies to the bond between a sibling of the opposite sex. It also applies to best friends.
So no, I won't be concerned a bit if I have a wife or GF who has a bestfriend(s) of the opposite sex.
Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.(1 Timothy 5)
The trouble I've experienced with this is that when I've treated women in this way within the Church environment it has generally been regarded with suspicion, on the other hand outside the Church environment they've always wondered what I've been up to as well.
Sad to say, because for a guy that has spent most of his life stuck with nothing but egotistical and hard going men, the last thing I want to do when I'm in the church is spend more time around the same thing.
I think it's finding the right girl. My wife introduced me to my best friend, so that made my life easier. Depending on the church, some people can act really freaking wierd if you ask a girl to hangout, or go for coffee.Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.(1 Timothy 5)
The trouble I've experienced with this is that when I've treated women in this way within the Church environment it has generally been regarded with suspicion, on the other hand outside the Church environment they've always wondered what I've been up to as well.
Sad to say, because for a guy that has spent most of his life stuck with nothing but egotistical and hard going men, the last thing I want to do when I'm in the church is spend more time around the same thing.
Yup, either that or predatory, which is worse I suppose.I'm sorry to hear. Perhaps, the suspicion is that they might think you're gay for not liking man-stuff and not being with the boys.
Anyway, I found what it is called. It is referred to as the "Westermarck Effect". Happens between siblings of opposite sex which eliminates sexual attraction between them.
Based on my own experience, it also happens between best friends of the opposite sex.
Yup, either that or predatory, which is worse I suppose.
Another effect I've observed is that the way which we judge others on this topic can be revealing about the way in which we ourselves approach relationships of this kind.
If their response to going for a coffee is, "hey, I have a husband!!". Those are the weird ones that most likely won't make good friends anyways.Yup, either that or predatory, which is worse I suppose.
Another effect I've observed is that the way which we judge others on this topic can be revealing about the way in which we ourselves approach relationships of this kind.