Is this immature?

[KUME06]

Is it immature to avoid a person who has hurt you? This person was not honest with me and basically took advantage of me.

They are also part of my church group. For quite some time I have avoided them, and largely avoided the group too. However, I dont really want to avoid the group and not participate. The other people in the group are frustrated with how I handle things, and have found ways to let me know they think I am just being immature. Things like saying were all adults here, be a man, or even just acting irritated towards me. I dont want to overblow the situation, the comments are rare, and the irritation is subtle. It is enough to bother me though. Most of the people in the group really dont understand what the deal is or why Im even hurt. Let alone why I cant just get over it. What is the most mature way to handle this? Would it be more mature of me to participate in this group in full, and *try* to coexist with this person or maybe more mature to completely remove myself from this group? The group meets on a weekday evening, Ive shown up at the church, but have not participated with the group. I say hi, then do my own studying instead of study with the group.


Forgot to add, but the person who took advantage of me avoids me too. Just not the point that they will not participate in the group. Just wont talk to me or even acknowledge I exist. Walked past them, and they just glanced at me and looked really angry to see me.

 

[Pasat_14]

I had a boyfriend in the same situation. I urge you to realise that yes, they have hurt you and it's not a good thing to do but forgiveness is the key here. In forgiving you are not saying what that person did is ok, but you are simply releasing yourself from bondage and in doing this you will be able to continue to grow in Christ.

I am not going to attempt to answer your initial question of "is this immature?" because I believe we all go through a grieving process and we all handle it in different ways, but I also believe there comes a time where you need to let go. Not let go and approve of others actions but to disapprove, forgive and set a Christ-like example for others who may find themselves in a similar situation.

I will pray for you as you go through the process of forgiveness...it's a hard road but well worth the effort.

Many blessings.

 

[JoyinChrist09]

I have a few suggestions that might work.

1. Tell God your emotions, all of them. Don't hold back, He wants you to tell Him the ugly.

2. Close your eyes and imagine something wonderful happening to the person who has hurt you - i.e. they win the lottery or marry their soulmate.

3. When you see the person, be pleasant or polite but keep your guard.

I made the mistake by thinking that just because I forgave the Church-people who have hurt me, that meant we could be the best of friends. Well, the reality is they didn't change and I am not strong enough to allow myself to get hurt over and over again.

 

[GaryP]

I thought going to Church was to Celebrate and Focus on the Act of Jesus,
What is with all the Drama, and all the " I's ". ? Sounds like your looking at creation
instead of the Father.

 

[Chris_G]

Gary P, I don't think you're helping. Kume06, the mature thing to do is to forgive and move on. Explain to the group what the problem is and tell the person who has offended you why it is you feel offended. Jesus forgave us, you must do the same to your brother. It may be hard to trust him for a while, but forgiving him shows the love Jesus showed you. It would be good to have those in your group as witnesses. Resolving conflict is always better than just walking away. The good of the fellowship is more important than the good of each member. God bless.

 

[heron]

Is it immature to avoid a person who has hurt you? This person was not honest with me and basically took advantage of me.

I think it can actually be more mature.

Lately the teachings on Christianity haven't focused much on having a Christ-like nature. People seem to think that if you praise and have faith, you're up there in spirituality. But Jesus taught we need to humble ourselves. Go the second mile.

The Bible is clear about not using false measures, or lying, or using people. It is just plain wrong, and doesn't benefit any kind of society, Christian or not.

Jesus taught to forgive seventy times seven. But he also warned to beware of the yeast of the Pharisees.There are no obligations to be part of people who are causing harm. You are taking a stand in separating yourself -- not playing the game, showing that you don't care about their petty games. It disturbs them because they want to be in control again, or show they're more spiritual than you, or whatever.

As said earlier, they created too much drama. Look at how many hours you have been distracted by their games. How much time your mind has had to devote to these dramas. Don't get bogged down; rise above them.

You might find some comfort in Proverbs.

The Ananias and Sapphira story
​

Reprimands to those who were greedy and selfish about communion dinners

​

God doesn't ignore these injustices and errors. You are not obligated to appease people. Just find a different group of people who truly reflect back the heart of Christ. It might even be a different group of people in the same church. There are some great people tucked away in the corners!
​

 

[KUME06]

Thanks for the thoughts. I probably should have worded my initial post differently. A more accurate question may have been is it immature to stay clear of person whom has rejected you in full? By rejection, I mean literally will not acknowledge your existence, and does not take your thoughts, needs, feelings, etc. into consideration.

How does Christ deal with those who reject Him? Its hard to see that He forces Himself on them, or tries to win their approval, definitely doesnt abandon them.

Thanks again for the thoughts/advice.

 

[LauraLu]

I wouldn't say it's "immature". It would only be immature if you are making it into a big drama where you want it to be completely obvious that someone has done you wrong and you are just going to turn your nose up at it. Doesn't really sound like that's the situation here, though.

It sounds like maybe forgiveness is the biggest issue. Have you truly forgiven this man for hurting you? It can be SO hard to forgive those who have hurt you or wronged you, but it's what we are supposed to do in Christ's image. You probably need God's help to really forgive him.

After you've forgiven him, I would probably confront him about whatever the problem is. Sometimes communication will solve things. If he will let you, at least. Avoidance is sometimes the answer, but because people are noticing and thinking that you need to "grow up" or whatever, it appears that they are not seeing Christ in you. In this case, you should confront the problem head-on, with a forgiving spirit. Don't let some petty situation keep you away from your brothers and sisters in Christ during church and study group. You can't control what he does, but you can control the way you handle it, and set a loving Christ-like example to others in your church.

 

[Dixiecup]

Is it immature to avoid a person who has hurt you? This person was not honest with me and basically took advantage of me.

They are also part of my church group. For quite some time I have avoided them, and largely avoided the group too. However, I dont really want to avoid the group and not participate. The other people in the group are frustrated with how I handle things, and have found ways to let me know they think I am just being immature. Things like saying were all adults here, be a man, or even just acting irritated towards me. I dont want to overblow the situation, the comments are rare, and the irritation is subtle. It is enough to bother me though. Most of the people in the group really dont understand what the deal is or why Im even hurt. Let alone why I cant just get over it. What is the most mature way to handle this? Would it be more mature of me to participate in this group in full, and *try* to coexist with this person or maybe more mature to completely remove myself from this group? The group meets on a weekday evening, Ive shown up at the church, but have not participated with the group. I say hi, then do my own studying instead of study with the group.


Forgot to add, but the person who took advantage of me avoids me too. Just not the point that they will not participate in the group. Just wont talk to me or even acknowledge I exist. Walked past them, and they just glanced at me and looked really angry to see me.

Well, you first should pray about this and ask God to set the stage for a solution. You should talk with person who offended you. The group is not responsible for what is going between the two of you, and you should not treat them badly because your feelings were hurt by someone in the group.

Is it possible for this all to be some form of miscommunication?

Yes, this is immature, but we all have to grow up sometime. We all grow by life’s experiences.

Blessings!!

 

[childofGod31]

Is it immature to avoid a person who has hurt you? This person was not honest with me and basically took advantage of me.

They are also part of my church group. For quite some time I have avoided them, and largely avoided the group too. However, I dont really want to avoid the group and not participate. The other people in the group are frustrated with how I handle things, and have found ways to let me know they think I am just being immature. Things like saying were all adults here, be a man, or even just acting irritated towards me. I dont want to overblow the situation, the comments are rare, and the irritation is subtle. It is enough to bother me though. Most of the people in the group really dont understand what the deal is or why Im even hurt. Let alone why I cant just get over it. What is the most mature way to handle this? Would it be more mature of me to participate in this group in full, and *try* to coexist with this person or maybe more mature to completely remove myself from this group? The group meets on a weekday evening, Ive shown up at the church, but have not participated with the group. I say hi, then do my own studying instead of study with the group.


Forgot to add, but the person who took advantage of me avoids me too. Just not the point that they will not participate in the group. Just wont talk to me or even acknowledge I exist. Walked past them, and they just glanced at me and looked really angry to see me.

You have to confront the situation in order to get passed it. The stuff that gets buried and not dealt with has a way of showing up later in life and mess up relationships. We call it emotional baggage from the past.

You have to forgive the person. It's for your own good. God said in black and white: if you won't forgive, then the Father God won't forgive you either.
MAT 6:15 But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

It's not about whether the person deserves forgiveness or not. It's about you being loyal to God and doing what He asks of you. It's about overcoming the powers of darkness in your soul and overcoming it with good. No matter what, Paul said: overcome evil with good,. Right now the devil has victory in that situation.
What God would be pleased with is if you stand up for the light, and overcome evil with good. Do good to that person. If it was me, I would pray that God would give me opportunity to do something good to that person. It would be a part of the healing process. And it will frustrate the plans of the devil and will bring God's victory in that situation.

God bless you.

 

[emperormar]

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. -Romans 12:18

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you live at peace with everyone.

Also you should be willing to accept rebuke and correction if it is Biblical. Meaning they should be able to give to scriptures for their problems with you. Ask them to do so or see if scripture backs up or does not support what they say and what you find present it to the group. If they are not willing to accept the authority of scripture then don't accosiate with them.
Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him. -Titus 3:10

 

[KUME06]

What is forgiveness? I dont hope bad things happen to them. I hope and pray they will repent and we can go on as if this bad/sinful stuff had not happened. If that is forgiveness, then all is well. If not...hmmm, beat me, cause I dont see ever not feeling angry about what they have done otherwise.

Having an oppurtunity to show the person kindness would be great. Its something I have thought of, but cant come up with anything. Sadly, even if one presented itself, they are so embittered towards me that they would like see the act of kindness as something else entirely.

 

[DreamsAreFree]

If it is over something trivial, it can be. If you haven't tried to go to them and set it right it could be. Not necessarily though. Some people are toxic. Look at your motives, what you have done to try and get on with that person and if you feel you have made a reasonable effort, you can let it go and keep out of their way with peace wiping the dust off your feet as you go.

 

[jenniferkat]

You need to completely remove yourself from this person and group. Find a new group to hang out with!