is it wrong to live with someone you're not married to?

[jazzywriter91]

I am done with this site. So far I just feel attacked and judged or having others assume or imply things about me without finding out the facts. Don't bother responding to this anymore because I will not respond. If I could delete this account completely I would.

 

[Albion]

I have decided to become celibate, I haven't moved out from living with my boyfriend but I'm thinking about doing so tomorrow. The think is he already hates the idea and thinks it's temporary but I don't n to live or have sex with him until we are married. He already thinks being celibate is a downgrade in our relationship. He even says the Bible doesn't really say anything about living together with a partner you're not married to. Than he said I'm not married to my family so I shouldn't live with them either. He is also Atheist. Is it really a sin to live with someone you're not married to? Any advice?

Yes, it's a sin, and the Bible does indeed denounce sexual relations between unmarried persons. Jesus himself reprimanded a woman (the "woman at the well") for that very reason and ended the conversation by telling her to go and sin no more. So you're in more-or-less that same situation.

But the good news is that we can always start anew and get things right--as you intend to do. (Your boyfriend's arguments are, by the way, lame. You're not "married" to your family in the sense of the word we're using of here, and of course the Bible talks about fornication in a number of places).

If he should see things your way after awhile, you might be concerned about the advice some Christians might give about not being "unequally yoked together with unbelievers" but opinion is not unanimous about that. Some would say "No, under all circumstances" while others point to marriages in which the two parties don't impose their religious views on each other but just agree to have different ideas when it come to that subject, no unlike families in which the husband and wife vote for different parties. But right now, I'd say that's another matter for you to worry about on another day.

 

[boogalaboogala]

I have decided to become celibate, I haven't moved out from living with my boyfriend but I'm thinking about doing so tomorrow. The think is he already hates the idea and thinks it's temporary but I don't n to live or have sex with him until we are married. He already thinks being celibate is a downgrade in our relationship. He even says the Bible doesn't really say anything about living together with a partner you're not married to. Than he said I'm not married to my family so I shouldn't live with them either. He is also Atheist. Is it really a sin to live with someone you're not married to? Any advice?

Willingly staying in any situation, that temps you to transgress God's righteous law is sinful..
Not to mention that the Bible is explicit on being unequally yoked with a non believer. .
You are in a tough situation sister. My blessing is with you, and the young man who that is also suffering through these changes..

 

[2PhiloVoid]

I have decided to become celibate, I haven't moved out from living with my boyfriend but I'm thinking about doing so tomorrow. The think is he already hates the idea and thinks it's temporary but I don't n to live or have sex with him until we are married. He already thinks being celibate is a downgrade in our relationship. He even says the Bible doesn't really say anything about living together with a partner you're not married to. Than he said I'm not married to my family so I shouldn't live with them either. He is also Atheist. Is it really a sin to live with someone you're not married to? Any advice?

Yeah, it kinda is.

Tell your boyfriend that if he indeed loves you for a lifetime, then he shouldn't have any problem getting married. Of course, it would help if he could also find it in his heart to become a Christian.

Peace

 

[jazzywriter91]

It is way to soon for us to get married. I moved out from living with him today. I explained why but we still date

 

[2PhiloVoid]

It is way to soon for us to get married. I moved out from living with him today. I explained why but we still date

Jazzy,

Then, your decision is a good one for now, until you and your boyfriend have more time to understand the extent of where you may be going with each other in the future. It definitely doesn't hurt to focus on Christ (God) and put Him first in your life, as well as deeply reflect on where you are at in your other relationships.

Peace. I wish you the best.

 

[Inkachu]

The Bible doesn't explicitly say "don't live with someone unless you're married", but it says plenty about temptation, sexual purity, and not giving an "appearance" that you're doing something wrong to people who may be watching how you live. As the old saying goes "why buy the cow when you're getting the milk for free?" If you're living as a married couple would already, what motivation do you have to honor God by actually getting married? Not much. The Bible is also explicitly clear that the light (believers) are not be joined together with darkness (unbelievers).

I'm really glad that your thinking is changing and your actions are following. Stay strong!

 

[Bella Vita]

You did the right thing to move out and to abstain from sex until you are married. I know you care for him but you really need to be with another believer. Marrying someone who is not of the same faith will put a lot of strain on your marriage and marriage is hard enough. The Bible is clear that being unequally yoked is a sin and overall not a good idea. You may not see it now but you will be much happier finding a christian man who loves God the same way you do.

 

[jazzywriter91]

You did the right thing to move out and to abstain from sex until you are married. I know you care for him but you really need to be with another believer. Marrying someone who is not of the same faith will put a lot of strain on your marriage and marriage is hard enough. The Bible is clear that being unequally yoked is a sin and overall not a good idea. You may not see it now but you will be much happier finding a christian man who loves God the same way you do.

I don't want to hurt him

 

[Inkachu]

Sweetheart, you need to decide whether your soul belongs to God or not. Are you living for God or for your boyfriend, this relationship, and everyone's "feelings"? Are you determined to do what's RIGHT or what's EASY? Do you believe that God is big enough, powerful enough, wise enough, and caring enough, to bring you through this and bless you for your faithfulness to Him? You don't need to answer me with any of that, you need to answer them between yourself and God.

 

[seashale76]

Fornication is a sin. Living with someone you've fornicated with in the past is just inviting temptation and should be avoided. You definitely made the right decision by moving out.

I understand that you don't want to hurt his feelings, but the truth is that anytime a Christian begins to take their faith seriously, any non-believers around them aren't going to understand and/or will be upset about it. Two options exist: 1) Take your faith seriously 2) Compromise your faith for the non-believer. There is no third option.

I Corinthians 6:7-11

7 Now therefore, it is already an utter failure for you that you go to law against one another. Why do you not rather accept wrong? Why do you not rather let yourselves be cheated? 8 No, you yourselves do wrong and cheat, and you do these things to your brethren! 9 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals,[a] nor sodomites, 10 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.

I Corinthians 6:15-20

15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Certainly not! 16 Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For “the two,” He says, “shall become one flesh.” 17 But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.

18 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. 19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? 20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body[c] and in your spirit, which are God’s.

I Corinthians 7:12-16 gives advice on what to do if someone is married to a non-believer. You stay married at the non-believer's convenience. They get to decide if they can live with you having faith. The assumption with this verse is that you were both unbelievers when you married. If you're not married then a believer isn't to go marry a non-believer.

For the Christian, everything can be related back to communion/eucharist. Marriage is a sacrament. It is also considered a martyrdom. You deny yourself for the sake of your spouse. You also aren't joined together with someone who also isn't in communion. When you engage in fornication- it is a proclamation that you are refusing to deny yourself for the sake of Christ and are choosing to engage your passions- you are knowingly excommunicating yourself. When one is baptized into Christ they are part of the body of Christ- the temple of the Holy Spirit- receiving Christ in the Holy Mysteries. Willfully sinning in this manner is serious business- one risks their soul unless they repent and return to the hospital for what ails us.

 

[jazzywriter91]

Is no one really reading my response. I'm celibate until marriage. Yes I have decided to move back to my parents. I don't live with my boyfriend anymore nor will unless we are married

 

[jazzywriter91]

What I was saying about not hurting him is breaking up with him just because he isn't Christian. I'm going to update the topic

 

[Inkachu]

If you aren't 1000000% sure that he's the one God wants you to be with, you have no business continuing the relationship IMO. And we already know he's moving in a completely different direction than you are. You keep saying "just because he isn't Christian", as if that's some minor side note, when that should be the single biggest factor in your decision!

 

[jazzywriter91]

If you aren't 1000000% sure that he's the one God wants you to be with, you have no business continuing the relationship IMO. And we already know he's moving in a completely different direction than you are. You keep saying "just because he isn't Christian", as if that's some minor side note, when that should be the single biggest factor in your decision!

Why should that even matter? He accepts that I am not going to have sex with him or live with him unless we are married

 

[seashale76]

Why should that even matter? He accepts that I am not going to have sex with him or live with him unless we are married

Because Christians aren't supposed to marry non-Christians. Scripture only makes allowances for those who were both non-believers when they married and then one becomes a Christian and the other doesn't. It is understood that if one is already a Christian then they don't marry a non-believer.Everything in the Christian's life in Christ hinges on communion. You don't unite yourself with someone who also isn't in Christ. I'm telling you now, if you think you have disagreements on faith now, just wait until you're married. It can ruin a marriage- and generally- the Christian does wind up compromising his/her faith in some way.

 

[Inkachu]

Why should that even matter? He accepts that I am not going to have sex with him or live with him unless we are married

I'm sorry, but do you consider yourself to be a genuine Christian? Or just someone who is on the fence about it? Because the Bible says that you should have no other "gods" before the one, true God, and that includes relationships and other people who are not in line with His ways. The Bible also says not to be "unequally yoked" with unbelievers; that means not attaching yourself intimately to someone who is not a believer.

It's like we're giving you all the reasons why this relationship needs to end, and you're not hearing us.

 

[Inkachu]

Because Christians aren't supposed to marry non-Christians. Scripture only makes allowances for those who were both non-believers when they married and then one becomes a Christian and the other doesn't. It is understood that if one is already a Christian then they don't marry a non-believer.Everything in the Christian's life in Christ hinges on communion. You don't unite yourself with someone who also isn't in Christ. I'm telling you now, if you think you have disagreements on faith now, just wait until you're married. It can ruin a marriage- and generally- the Christian does wind up compromising his/her faith in some way.

See?

 

[iambren]

I don't understand you--do you want to be married to him and using sex to make him cross the line? Or are you wanting out from the relationship and using the no-sex ethic difference as a ploy?

You know the stock,Christian answer to this--sex outside of marriage is wrong.

But I think what you did was kinda wrong to. You led this man into a loving sexual relationship where you could grow together and sexually you were there for him that he could grow close to you. NOW,out of nowhere you've had an epiphany that leaves him in the cold where the only key is no sex or a commitment to marry. That's not nice.

So go do the Christian,nice thing but it would leave a bad taste in my mouth.

 

[FuzzyBunnySlippers]

Glad to read your update.

Your boyfriend is wrong about the Bible not saying anything about living together outside of marriage. There are plenty of scripture that condemn fornication.

So too are there scriptures that warn against being yoked with an unbeliever. An Atheist.
In matters of sex you already know the conflict you had with him as pertains to living together out of wedlock. He's an Atheist and trying to tell you that the Bible says nothing against that.

Now that you're celibate and living away from him, why not take some time to realize what you're hoping to commit the rest of your life to if he doesn't first come to Christ.

If you wish to obey scriptures as relates to celibacy until marriage, perhaps you might consider those scriptures that tell you not to be unequally yoked,married, to an Atheist.
2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?

I have decided to become celibate, I haven't moved out from living with my boyfriend but I'm thinking about doing so tomorrow. The think is he already hates the idea and thinks it's temporary but I don't n to live or have sex with him until we are married. He already thinks being celibate is a downgrade in our relationship. He even says the Bible doesn't really say anything about living together with a partner you're not married to. Than he said I'm not married to my family so I shouldn't live with them either. He is also Atheist. Is it really a sin to live with someone you're not married to? Any advice?

update

I'm no longer living with my boyfriend and I don't plan to live with him unless we are married. Thank you for everyone who has replied to this. I am also going to be celibate until marriage. Even if me and my boyfriend breaks up and I hope we don't I will still remain celibate until I am married. I am very appreciative for all the support with dealing with my questions and everything else.