I'm exhausted mentally,emotionally, physically & my health is bad.Now what?

[ninalabelle007]

Since my dad passed in 2005, I've been taking care of granny, mom, little bro,and sister in law, my nephews and older bro.

I even did 3 years without working.Mom has back problems, my granny is blind & bedridden. I finally got a part time job 2 years ago. I work during evenings. Even do I needed help no one would help me out with granny. At the time I would work on saturdays as well. I would get about 4 hours sleep between friday s shift and saturdays. On fridays, the day I needed the most help , no one would help me. I had to wash, feed, change granny. I also do granny's laundry. I have to do the cleaning as well within the house. Keep in mind granny has dementia and its not always easy.

So now , I've had enough. It got to a point where I would decide not to eat once I got home from work cause I would finish with granny so late and by the time I eat its like 5am and then I can't sleep.

Friday, I went to the dentist and discovered how badely my health as become. My teeth are a far cry from what it was. I lack calcium. I barely drink milk in the house cause my sister in law (SIL) drinks a whole bag to herself( she mainly takes & eat wathever without thinking of others..she eats a lot.) I can't even by food for myself because she will eat it. as for leisure, well I have no leisure other than reading on forums when everyone is asleep. That is the only me time I have. I can wash my hair, do my nails etc. Can't watch tv, SIL watches it and never lets anyone else watch.

I want to move out. I can't take it anymore. I'm getting older 32, still single , no prospect on the horizon, my career well....I'm trying to get work in my field again. I want to be able to rest and take care of myself.

I'm at a point where I avoid everyone because when someone sees me they want to ask to do something, get something. I'm tired.

Am i wrong for wanting to move out ASAP?

This house is destroying me physically, mentally and emotionaly . I cant even go to the bathroom without someone asking me something while I'm sitting onthe thrown. Showering is a nightmare...imagine getting in and out of the tub constantly?! I can barely leave the house and go tot work looking descent because while I'm trying to prepare I always have someone asking me stuff, telling a laudry list of things done /not done and complaining. or I have someone attempting to use the bathroom at the same time as I need to.

I tried talking, asking for help, splitting off tasks...No one wants to help at all.

 

[San54]

It sounds to me like you are exhausted and depressed.Take the time to go to a medical doctor ,a minister for counseling and perhaps help from community services for your poor granny and the younger members of your family.Is your SIL your responsibility?Sounds like she needs to go with you for counseling.If you don't take care of yourself you can't help your family.
You are in my prayers.

 

[ninalabelle007]

MY SIL is not my responsibility. At the time she was pregnant so of course I looked after her as well. She was fainted out of the blue during her pregnancy.

But now its at a point that her lack of picking up after herself or lack of being responsible. Makes other pick up after her. For example, at the last minutes wants her friend to come visit. Yet who does serving around like a good maid. Me, she doesnt own up to her actions. For examples, she will leave the house out of the blue to shop all day when both her kids are not well. She will not bother to think, who will babysit them. Mom is sometimes not feeling well (back problems) and she is stuck with the kids. Which means I will have more work cause I have to look after mom afterwards & granny. I willbe doing more assistance to mom.

SIL eats up to 5 times a day, yet never bothers to cook a little more of whatever she eats to share with granny and take a loads off my shoulders. That will never happen! Tried talking and everything but nope its like talking to a brick wall. *sorry to vent*

It sounds to me like you are exhausted and depressed.Take the time to go to a medical doctor ,a minister for counseling and perhaps help from community services for your poor granny and the younger members of your family.Is your SIL your responsibility?Sounds like she needs to go with you for counseling.If you don't take care of yourself you can't help your family.


You are in my prayers.

 

[wonderwaleye]

Since my dad passed in 2005, I've been taking care of granny, mom, little bro,and sister in law, my nephews and older bro.

I even did 3 years without working.Mom has back problems, my granny is blind & bedridden. I finally got a part time job 2 years ago. I work during evenings. Even do I needed help no one would help me out with granny. At the time I would work on saturdays as well. I would get about 4 hours sleep between friday s shift and saturdays. On fridays, the day I needed the most help , no one would help me. I had to wash, feed, change granny. I also do granny's laundry. I have to do the cleaning as well within the house. Keep in mind granny has dementia and its not always easy.

So now , I've had enough. It got to a point where I would decide not to eat once I got home from work cause I would finish with granny so late and by the time I eat its like 5am and then I can't sleep.

Friday, I went to the dentist and discovered how badely my health as become. My teeth are a far cry from what it was. I lack calcium. I barely drink milk in the house cause my sister in law (SIL) drinks a whole bag to herself( she mainly takes & eat wathever without thinking of others..she eats a lot.) I can't even by food for myself because she will eat it. as for leisure, well I have no leisure other than reading on forums when everyone is asleep. That is the only me time I have. I can wash my hair, do my nails etc. Can't watch tv, SIL watches it and never lets anyone else watch.

I want to move out. I can't take it anymore. I'm getting older 32, still single , no prospect on the horizon, my career well....I'm trying to get work in my field again. I want to be able to rest and take care of myself.

I'm at a point where I avoid everyone because when someone sees me they want to ask to do something, get something. I'm tired.

Am i wrong for wanting to move out ASAP?

This house is destroying me physically, mentally and emotionaly . I cant even go to the bathroom without someone asking me something while I'm sitting onthe thrown. Showering is a nightmare...imagine getting in and out of the tub constantly?! I can barely leave the house and go tot work looking descent because while I'm trying to prepare I always have someone asking me stuff, telling a laudry list of things done /not done and complaining. or I have someone attempting to use the bathroom at the same time as I need to.

I tried talking, asking for help, splitting off tasks...No one wants to help at all.

Maybe it's time to walk away and get your priorities in order. You can still do all your doing and still lose your soul. The world does not depend upon you. You just might be surprised how folks will find a way if they need to. Granny has govt. services to help her. She could go into a assisted living program. Others will find what they need either in work or a govt. program if they qualify.




I think it's time to do it GOD'S WAY:



SEEK FIRST THE KINGDOM of ALMIGHTY GOD AND ALL YOUR NEEDS WILL BE ADDED UNTO YOU.



I never thought I would be advising someone to do this but GOD'S priority is for you to give HIM your whole heart, mind, strength, and soul. You can't do this unless you get some rest and have time to mature in your faith.



This is what GOD laid in my heart to tell you.



GOD will never give you a cross to heavy to bear. But we can chose to try and pick one up that is, only to fail.



LOVE


steven

 

[heron]

This has turned into your life. If you keep it up, your entire life will be doing what other people want from you.

While it is usually best to take care of family, it seems they have trampled you to a point where you have very little of yourself left. You have become what they made you.

As others said, look into government help. It will be well worth the time. Declare a temporary break, so it doesn't become such a big decision. A time of separation. Maybe that will make your SIL realize that life is not so cozy when you're not there to pick up her pieces.

 

[psalm867]

Have you mentioned to anyone that you're thinking of moving out? Maybe if you told them you are apartment-hunting, that might shock them into thinking about how they will manage without you. It sounds like they take you for granted.
I agree with san54, too, that a Christian counselor could help you.

Stay in prayer about it. I am also praying for you.

 

[bliz]

How old are you? Who else lives in the home?

 

[insurchoftruth]

You look like you are burning out. What is a burn out? Well that is the final stage of chronic stress, where you mentally and phisically can not cope with doing so many things. At the burn out stage, your body can not cope with the extreme stress of doing so many things, and the body eventually gets sick.

You need not sa NO to some of the things you can say NO to, and stop doing them, and stop doing some of the things, which you find easier to stop doing than other things. Everyone has a limited capacity, and once we go over our capacity of doing things, we get into the burn out stage, which makes us sick eventually. Basically, try not to bite more than you can swallow, otherwise, you will choke yourself. Hope it helps?!

 

[heron]

Have you mentioned to anyone that you're thinking of moving out?

I almost think this could be a great tool if you're not planning to move out, and something you'd want to wait with if you were starting the process. While honesty is a good thing, I don't think you have the energy or strength at this point to deal with their flack if you bring it up.

If you set everything up in order before you make a firm decision, then your head will be clearer. Include in your plans what can be done to help the people who really need help.

As said above, you seem to be at a breaking point, where you will not have the energy to do anything. Moving is a big step-- physically and emotionally. It's okay to admit that you don't have the energy to do it. But remember that you won't have any more energy next year, or the next. A move will refresh you, and make you start to feel like yourself.

If you stay, start training your brother's kids to do little things for the people in the house -- asking adults if they want juice, kleenex, the mail. Get a small refrigerator for your room, where you can put the milk. (God can provide in mysterious ways.)

There might be some jobs that include housing. Ask around.

 

[Elijah2]

My dear sister, it is time to walk away. You are being used, and the enemy is stealing, destroying and trying to kill your life.

You can do so much, and now it's tme for you to do something for yourself.

Don't feel any guilt or shame, because you are being used.

Look over the horizon my dear sister, because those people are seeing your sunset which is their dawn.

Start a new life, and flee this den.

Blessings.

 

[Saera]

Give praise to God anyway.

Praying