Wow, this is making perfect sense to me. When I first started seeing my current bf he had answered my "how long" question with "about 3 years". That seemed like a respectable amount of time and I put that issue out of my mind especially when he talked about how he had just made peace with the idea that he might have to remain single since none of his dating attempts were offering any hope, until me. He made it sound like he'd been alone for so long. We really clicked and he went fast. So fast in his head that he scared himself to death thinking about where we might live, would the kids get along, etc..... Then comes the first conflict and he's telling me I might want to think about dating others because he might disappoint me, he stripped me of my title of "gf", but within a few days we agreed to date only each other.
I asked him again how long he'd been divorced and he pulled out his papers. If I remember correctly, the final decree wasn't even two years past. Right now I think it's been about 3 years since his ex left. Unlike some of us, the end of his marriage was unexpected and emotionally devastating as he came home from work to find his wife, dd and furniture gone. He knew they had issues, but they seemed to be in a good spot.
I am his first post-divorce relationship and it certainly seems like he has just cleared several hurdles in this whole healing thing. I have to tell you, it's been painful to be his lessons.
SearcherKris, it annoys me when I hear the time lines that list the divorce as the starting point. I was separated close to 4 years before my divorce was final. Some of that time I hoped for a miracle, but most of that time was spent on school, realization that I had no problem biblically with being divorced and considering remarriage, and then time spent learning how to finish the divorce and then waiting on my ticket to freedom to come in the mail. I was healed long before the decree came in the mail, but the day it came was the day I joined eharmony. I did have the experience of going on a first date with a guy who really needed more time to heal even though he denied it even after tearing up after talking about his ex.
For me, I alway knew I wanted to be married again especially since my ex fled to another country leaving my kids with no father in their lives, but it was just something I knew I wanted. After my first post-divorce relationship ended with my broken heart, a very strong desire for marriage and an intact family was ignited. That seems to be a little backwards for how it should be, but I had received a taste of a promising, Christian marriage and that taste made me hungry for more. That doesn't mean I'm being reckless (I hope), especially since I did end a year relationship that was not healthy after I realized it probably would never be healthy and he didn't care for me enough for me to stick around any longer to see if he could fix some issues in his life.
My best advice it to take relationships as slow as possible and decide on your physical boundaries long before a first date. I hadn't been kissed in years and no kisses with my ex husband could compare to that first post-divorce kiss.
I guess it's nice to know that there are still new things to experience even in the 40's.
