I don't know that I can trust again...

[Johnnz]

My trust in people just is continuing to grow worse. Between being sexually and emotionally abused...maybe it would be better if I trusted no one.

Many abused people face serious trust issues. It can take sometime to build trust with someone who is safe. That can be so helpful when you do, but that person must be really trustworthy no matter what. That is a big call. It has taken me many months to build trust with badly abused people, and that has come only little by little.

John
NZ

 

[never4now]

Trust is something I find that I tend to give to the wrong people and withhold from the right ones. Its ridiculous really but its just my natural impulse.

Tonight I was thinking that I usually put guys in one of two categories. When i see a guy staring at me (or several guys) I first think, they must think I look ridiculous and stupid and ugly and fat, maybe I have something on my face or something's wrong with me. If it is an older guy I usually think what a disgusting pervert he probably thinks I'm 16 and thats why hes showing an interest filthy pervo. So does anyone else find themselves thinking like this? I realize its all negative, I don't really ever see guys in a positive way, am I the only one?

 

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

Your not the only one.I sometimes think that way too. (not intentionally)

 

[Criada]

It's not ridiculous, it's a natural reaction to having been hurt... if your mind dismisses all guys as untrustworthy, it protects you from being hurt again.
It takes a long time to learn trust again, but you will get there
Trusting total strangers can be dangerous anyway... real trust has to grow with a relationship.

 

[ido]

It's not ridiculous, it's a natural reaction to having been hurt... if your mind dismisses all guys as untrustworthy, it protects you from being hurt again.
It takes a long time to learn trust again, but you will get there
Trusting total strangers can be dangerous anyway... real trust has to grow with a relationship.

Very wise and very true.

Being too trusting has left me with my fair share of wounds to lick. So, for a time, I went in the opposite direction and completely avoided relationships...even most friendships save one or two.

As for friendships/relationships with guys, I happened on a Maya Angelou quote that seemed to fit where I was at with men/relationships in general:

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ, that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.”



When we are hurting and wounded, it is best to seek shelter with our Savior, IMO. There, we are protected and can find the emotional/spiritual (and sometimes, physical) healing that we so desperately need.

 

[never4now]

A song I just found very encouraging....Fireflight--Wrapped in Your Arms.

 

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I'll have to look it up. I think I've heard it, but it's not quite ringing a bell.

 

[spazlegs]

Wow flanativegirl that is a good quote. Something that is common in abused people is poor boundaries, either too permeable or too strong. Get Cloud and Townsends Boundaries book. For me it is a hard slough, because my boundaries are either too strong and hard or I'm too open. Getting them to be effective but still useful is a juggling act for me.

I tend to glorify people of both sexes or see them as demonic and sometime they are the same people at different times. Meh!

 

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

That is a battle I struggle with a lot.