How to love?

[Moradew]

Hi all,

I came from a broken family, and has never been shown true love before. Now i left home, and could take a breather finally by staying alone. I'm 25 years old this year. And has only learned how to empathise and relate to another person about 4-5months ago. Yes. My heart has been that unlovely and pathetic, not knowing love, and not filled with love for 25 years. Things that kids learnt at a tender age, i'm only starting to learn now.

I'm a christian for about 6 months now. Because i see the extreme importance of love in our lives, and also because of the 2 Great commandments, and the nature of God himself(Love), i pushed myself to learn empathy and for once felt how to love someone else back then. I came out of extreme self-focus by experiencing how a particular person is thinking and feeling, and desired good things for him. The Joy that came into my heart 4 months ago was really awesome. I think that is love.. But because love does not come naturally to me through my heart and habits, things spiralled down again.

I found it very hard to remind myself again and again to relate and desire good things for people. People all my life has always appeared to me as mere images living happy lives doing awful things. And ironically, i fear people(shyness) alot and due to the effect of sins of my parents, i led a life largely driven my guilt and fear. Pride came in also, destroying my life greatly.

I prayed for love about 1-2months ago? Waited and waited until now. Because i'm also suffering from depression, i became suicidal and snapped at work yesterday. I felt that God has given up on me. He has not met my needs to feel loved and to love. My christian walk has been mostly a walk of my own and of my own efforts to combat anxiety and guilt, and finding love. I fought sins hard for Jesus's sake, so as to please him and my own conscience, since we can only choose 1 when a temptation arises; to sin or to obey Jesus.

Well.. in short.. How do you love someone? How do u receive love and feel loved? My heart has Zero love for 25 years except for the recent human effort experience(Empathise first and then desire Good things for them). How may my heart walk with the spirit and live a spirit led life? Must i study/memorize and follow the bible in depth for long periods before i can live a life of Love? It will take me too long! Why can't God just drop a love potion into my heart to enable me to love and feel loved?

I threatened God yesterday, and felt that he has given up on me. Though i calmed down and has seen no miracles yet, i'm humbling myself to still stick with him and seek help..
Help me out guys... My walk with the lord has not much joy, since i have very little love in my heart...

 

[daughter of man]

Firstly, so glad you found Jesus. Secondly I know there's thousands, even millions of Christians and others out there who love you but just haven't had a chance to show it. God loves you because He has chosen you to your life of sin and disbelief and discover His mercy.

God hasn't given up on you. He wouldn't have gone to the trouble of dying for you if that's what He was going to do. Of course you should pray for forgiveness so that God knows you haven't given up on Him.

If you're not enjoying life right now, stick with it. Jesus told His followers that they would have to go through bad things for His sake but that it would pay off after this life. God never makes life harder than we can bear so if its becoming too tough, ask Him to make it better. Just push yourself to feel love for people and pray to God to help you. I'm sure you'll manage it

 

[seeingeyes]

Hi all,

I came from a broken family, and has never been shown true love before. Now i left home, and could take a breather finally by staying alone. I'm 25 years old this year. And has only learned how to empathise and relate to another person about 4-5months ago. Yes. My heart has been that unlovely and pathetic, not knowing love, and not filled with love for 25 years. Things that kids learnt at a tender age, i'm only starting to learn now.

I'm a christian for about 6 months now. Because i see the extreme importance of love in our lives, and also because of the 2 Great commandments, and the nature of God himself(Love), i pushed myself to learn empathy and for once felt how to love someone else back then. I came out of extreme self-focus by experiencing how a particular person is thinking and feeling, and desired good things for him. The Joy that came into my heart 4 months ago was really awesome. I think that is love.. But because love does not come naturally to me through my heart and habits, things spiralled down again.

I found it very hard to remind myself again and again to relate and desire good things for people. People all my life has always appeared to me as mere images living happy lives doing awful things. And ironically, i fear people(shyness) alot and due to the effect of sins of my parents, i led a life largely driven my guilt and fear. Pride came in also, destroying my life greatly.

I prayed for love about 1-2months ago? Waited and waited until now. Because i'm also suffering from depression, i became suicidal and snapped at work yesterday. I felt that God has given up on me. He has not met my needs to feel loved and to love. My christian walk has been mostly a walk of my own and of my own efforts to combat anxiety and guilt, and finding love. I fought sins hard for Jesus's sake, so as to please him and my own conscience, since we can only choose 1 when a temptation arises; to sin or to obey Jesus.

Well.. in short.. How do you love someone? How do u receive love and feel loved? My heart has Zero love for 25 years except for the recent human effort experience(Empathise first and then desire Good things for them). How may my heart walk with the spirit and live a spirit led life? Must i study/memorize and follow the bible in depth for long periods before i can live a life of Love? It will take me too long! Why can't God just drop a love potion into my heart to enable me to love and feel loved?

I threatened God yesterday, and felt that he has given up on me. Though i calmed down and has seen no miracles yet, i'm humbling myself to still stick with him and seek help..
Help me out guys... My walk with the lord has not much joy, since i have very little love in my heart...

My brother, you are beautiful and your Father in heaven loves you. He's no idiot, He knows very well what you need worked on, He sees your sin and your brokenness, and He loves you. He is rolling up His sleeves and joyfully working on your heart this very minute.

I believe very strongly that before we can love, we must be loved. So let's start here: Is there someone in this world who you loves you? Not somebody that 'should' love you or that you 'think' loves you, but someone you know for a fact loves you, based on their actions.

 

[razzelflabben]

Hi all,

I came from a broken family, and has never been shown true love before. Now i left home, and could take a breather finally by staying alone. I'm 25 years old this year. And has only learned how to empathise and relate to another person about 4-5months ago. Yes. My heart has been that unlovely and pathetic, not knowing love, and not filled with love for 25 years. Things that kids learnt at a tender age, i'm only starting to learn now.

I'm a christian for about 6 months now. Because i see the extreme importance of love in our lives, and also because of the 2 Great commandments, and the nature of God himself(Love), i pushed myself to learn empathy and for once felt how to love someone else back then. I came out of extreme self-focus by experiencing how a particular person is thinking and feeling, and desired good things for him. The Joy that came into my heart 4 months ago was really awesome. I think that is love.. But because love does not come naturally to me through my heart and habits, things spiralled down again.

I found it very hard to remind myself again and again to relate and desire good things for people. People all my life has always appeared to me as mere images living happy lives doing awful things. And ironically, i fear people(shyness) alot and due to the effect of sins of my parents, i led a life largely driven my guilt and fear. Pride came in also, destroying my life greatly.

I prayed for love about 1-2months ago? Waited and waited until now. Because i'm also suffering from depression, i became suicidal and snapped at work yesterday. I felt that God has given up on me. He has not met my needs to feel loved and to love. My christian walk has been mostly a walk of my own and of my own efforts to combat anxiety and guilt, and finding love. I fought sins hard for Jesus's sake, so as to please him and my own conscience, since we can only choose 1 when a temptation arises; to sin or to obey Jesus.

Well.. in short.. How do you love someone? How do u receive love and feel loved? My heart has Zero love for 25 years except for the recent human effort experience(Empathise first and then desire Good things for them). How may my heart walk with the spirit and live a spirit led life? Must i study/memorize and follow the bible in depth for long periods before i can live a life of Love? It will take me too long! Why can't God just drop a love potion into my heart to enable me to love and feel loved?

I threatened God yesterday, and felt that he has given up on me. Though i calmed down and has seen no miracles yet, i'm humbling myself to still stick with him and seek help..
Help me out guys... My walk with the lord has not much joy, since i have very little love in my heart...

I've been in deep study of biblical Love for years now, for people just like you...nice to meet you.

Love is a topic so big, that we could talk about it for years and years and never scratch the surface, so you aren't really at as much of a disadvantage as you think. In fact, I have found that the love that was withheld from me growing up, has helped me to understand some of the biggest obstacles people have in understanding love. So the next question is where to start.

The best definition I can find for biblical love, is...putting others above yourself in an act of humility creating a covenant whose intent/purpose is reconciliation/restoration...some of this you already have figured out, it's about humility, its about putting the interests of the other person above your own, what I am not sure you get from this thread (clarification of a few things might prove different) is that the very purpose of love is to restore us or reconcile us, first to God, then to one another. When you have been abused, that is a huge order, in fact, too huge for humans to do on their own, which brings us to the next point.

Biblical Love is a gift from the Holy Spirit and is possible through His power. It isn't about how much love you can find within, but about how much love you are allowing Him to flow through you. IOW's it's all about God. Love Him and you will Love...serve Him and you will show Love...live for Him and you will love others and be loved in return (not always from others which is another discussion)

Thirdly, Love isn't the warm fuzzy we want to make it out to be. That is not to say there is no emotion to it. Love transforms the whole man, that is emotions, actions, attitudes, thoughts, etc. As such, we definitely will "feel" love, but if all your waiting for is the warm fuzzies of acceptance and compassion, your missing love. This part of our understanding, is enhanced by study...could take you many places, even put a book together, but I recommend you start with I Cor. 13. That passage includes something that is uncomfortable to many in that it talks about the actions of love without love being present and how hollow and empty that really is. It isnt' the actions of love that transform us, but rather the love itself, being that love is from God, this makes sense. Thus, we dare not make love a mechanical response to anything or anyone.

Finally, relax, your post already shows more maturity than many who call themselves the mature in Christ. God wants you to join Him in a quest to discover His Love, and as long as He is your guide in that quest, you cannot fail to find all that you seek and more.

 

[ezeric]

How do you walk in real life?

Do you try to walk - or just walk?
Do you think about it long and hard - or just trust and do it?

What if you are walking to the store one day, and you stumble?
Do you cross examine yourself later and not believe that you can walk?

Its the same thing with walking in the SPIRIT - you believe and just try it.
Give someone a smile - not because you 'have to' but because the LORD smiles on you.
Give someone a pat on the back - or hug - because you are encouraged by the LORD and HE Is not angry with you.

You are at the waters and have to put your staff in - then GOD parts it.
You are with the masses and they are hungry and the MASTER wants your little lunch, you share (the little) and see the many fed and helped.

GOD demonstrates HIS love for brother Moradew and each of us, in this, that while we were sinners, CHRIST died for us.

Just believe it as so.

See JESUS didn't come into the world to condemn it or judge it, but to save you (and each of us). Then take out this selfish carnal heart, and give us HIS heart a heart moved with compassion.

And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. Ezekiel 36:26

When is this going to happen?

It already happened - its done!
You already have your DADDY/FATHER'S heart - a heart of love.

It comes by grace through faith.
Everything comes like that!

Trusting in HIM who gives it freely by GRACE (Un-conditional Love in Action toward us).

The LORD: "see's your broken contrite heart, and wants you to know that you have a calling and a destiny to follow in, declared from the throne of Heaven from before time.
Just start walking son, and don't worry about any stumbling because you ARE walking!"

Bless you brother, you are important and loved.

-eric

 

[Moradew]

Hi seeingeyes, I have very few acquaintances. i have no family and friends. So, no. No one loves or loved me. Except the Lord by faith, since he says so. Recently i have taken a step to move closer to our heavenly father by joining a care group at church. I started attending church on sundays about a month ago. And requested to see a christian counselor yesterday. So now, i have some new friends i guess?

I am saddened by the fact that God requires faith for blessings. If i have no faith that he will heal me then he won't heal me? I thought i am loved by him, and that requires constant actions.

A son stays with his father daily, but felt no joy and love. He asks for love but do not receive any. His father promises to give love, but requires faith before he gives love. Now, the son is saddled with unbelief, the father sees that and chose not to give any because there is no faith. This is my scenario. Did i get it wrong biblically? I have stressed myself far too much. And i am tired. I took the yoke, but did not have love, therefore i am a bag of empty flesh. Doing empty righteous acts. ouch.

________________________________________________________________________


Hi razzelflabben, i guess that your years of study on biblical love makes you a love therapist?

I have not been able to relate to a human being for 25 years. When my mother sobbed and tried to cut herself when i was younger, i could not feel any of her pain. I only felt guilt. She committed suicide 12 years ago, and i felt relieved and a bit happy. I was 13 years old back then. My desire and ability to relate was near or complete zero. And because of self esteem issues, it is hard for me to feel worthy enough to help someone else in the first place. The difficulty is very high, thats why i require a healing touch from God. But he does not give me any.

Also, by default i have a critical spirit. I am quick to condemn and critisize, but very slow to praise. Why must i do all the work to transform my heart? This is really hard. Why can't our father in heaven just use his mighty loving hand to do it?

I have pride issues(too self conscious about self image), extreme people pleasing behavior, stingy and calculating(because i hate to feel like a doormat and be stepped all over). I have difficulties expressing myself too. I am also very critical of my self, and have little self acceptance.
The difficulty is massive. Taking the initiative to love another is hard. so hard.

Love Him and you will Love...serve Him and you will show Love...live for Him and you will love others and be loved in return

It isnt' the actions of love that transform us, but rather the love itself, being that love is from God, this makes sense.

Since its not the actions of love that transform us, then how does serving Him transform me?

____________________________________________________________________________

Hi eric, if i already have a heart of love, why don't i feel love or loved?

Thanks all for the comments. I hope i don't sound rude. If i do, i apologize. I've been that way for a long time. Just trying to fix myself up here.

 

[David Sylvian]

Really you need to lean on God to reveal his love to you, and be careful to stick to the teachings of Jesus which speak much on being merciful in judgment.

Not judging on appearances. Being open minded.

Then, it is that God can show you how He has shown you love, and is willing and able to, through people.

But religion can close that door, just as all preconceptions can. Religion seems very focused on it, however.

You need to look for God in others. Expect miracles, expect God to show through angels in disguise... listen in your heart and beg God to be able to hear him.

 

[seeingeyes]

Hi seeingeyes, I have very few acquaintances. i have no family and friends. So, no. No one loves or loved me. Except the Lord by faith, since he says so. Recently i have taken a step to move closer to our heavenly father by joining a care group at church. I started attending church on sundays about a month ago. And requested to see a christian counselor yesterday. So now, i have some new friends i guess?

I'm glad you are making new friends.

If you would like to find a trustworthy sister quickly, do this: Ask the new friends that you meet, "If you had a really big personal problem, and you needed to talk about it, but you didn't want your story spread around, who in this church would you talk to?" (Everyone considers themselves trustworthy, but when it's their own butt on the line, they are going to turn to someone who is really trustworthy).

You'll find that the same name comes up several times, it might be a significantly older sister in the Lord, perhaps a slightly younger one, but walk right up to her and ask about meeting after church to talk or going for coffee on Monday.

This will be extremely awkward, and also totally worth the awkwardness, so don't let shyness stop you.

You will be making friends with this sister and also going to the counselor. Get all the help that is available to you, you are gonna need strong people around you to hold you up when your legs give out.

I am saddened by the fact that God requires faith for blessings. If i have no faith that he will heal me then he won't heal me? I thought i am loved by him, and that requires constant actions.

A son stays with his father daily, but felt no joy and love. He asks for love but do not receive any. His father promises to give love, but requires faith before he gives love. Now, the son is saddled with unbelief, the father sees that and chose not to give any because there is no faith. This is my scenario. Did i get it wrong biblically? I have stressed myself far too much. And i am tired. I took the yoke, but did not have love, therefore i am a bag of empty flesh. Doing empty righteous acts. ouch.

God doesn't wait until you have faith to love you. He loves you right now. He loved you last week. He loved you twenty years ago, and He will love you twenty years from now. He will never leave you nor forsake you. The question is: Do you believe that?

I have been a Pharisee myself, and I can say one thing for sure: Our God is so great that He can even save a Christian! Rest in His love, my sister. You are going through the fire right now but He is going through it with you.

You are not alone.

 

[razzelflabben]

Hi seeingeyes, I have very few acquaintances. i have no family and friends. So, no. No one loves or loved me. Except the Lord by faith, since he says so. Recently i have taken a step to move closer to our heavenly father by joining a care group at church. I started attending church on sundays about a month ago. And requested to see a christian counselor yesterday. So now, i have some new friends i guess?

I am saddened by the fact that God requires faith for blessings. If i have no faith that he will heal me then he won't heal me? I thought i am loved by him, and that requires constant actions.

A son stays with his father daily, but felt no joy and love. He asks for love but do not receive any. His father promises to give love, but requires faith before he gives love. Now, the son is saddled with unbelief, the father sees that and chose not to give any because there is no faith. This is my scenario. Did i get it wrong biblically? I have stressed myself far too much. And i am tired. I took the yoke, but did not have love, therefore i am a bag of empty flesh. Doing empty righteous acts. ouch.

Don't look at faith as a "necessary to receive" but rather look at faith as a "now I see what before I couldn't" kind of thing.

________________________________________________________________________


Hi razzelflabben, i guess that your years of study on biblical love makes you a love therapist?

lol not sure about that, but...

I have not been able to relate to a human being for 25 years. When my mother sobbed and tried to cut herself when i was younger, i could not feel any of her pain. I only felt guilt.

quilt is a feeling...

She committed suicide 12 years ago, and i felt relieved and a bit happy. I was 13 years old back then. My desire and ability to relate was near or complete zero. And because of self esteem issues, it is hard for me to feel worthy enough to help someone else in the first place. The difficulty is very high, thats why i require a healing touch from God. But he does not give me any.

He is giving you healing, it just isn't immediate. Here is the thing, first, God's healing often takes time, because it involves the whole man, it needs time to get all the way there. In fact, none of us will be completely healed till we are resurrected. Secondly, self esteem can be your greatest asset when it comes to figuring out love, if you learn to apply it correctly anyway. IOW's self esteem issues, are a step, a way of looking at yourself...it is a way of seeing that those who think highly of themselves can't understand. Now, don't get this confused, low self esteem is a form of pride (I know that sounds opposite of what you think) however, it is to look at yourself with a more humble understanding than most...Romans 12:3...it is in changing our vision and in turn changing our mindset that we learn humility and in that humility we learn to love.

Let's see, another way to say the same thing...In Christ, we learn to see with different eyes, the eyes of the spirit and the eyes of Christ. In that learning to see with different vision, we learn to have different thoughts, different mindset, this renewing of our thoughts and minds, is what opens the door for us to discover who we are in Christ and how to Love with the Love of Christ. Your greatest need right now, is to change your mindset, your thoughts to those of Christ...I Cor. 2:16...this is accomplished by 1. taking your thoughts captive...II Cor. 10:5 and 2. replace them with the things of God...Phil. 4:8...when you do this, over time, your heart will change, your emotions will change, your whole being will become renewed and you will discover you have become more like Christ. But it is a process, don't expect to be healed overnight. My own healing wasn't evident to me until many years after the fact.

Also, by default i have a critical spirit. I am quick to condemn and critisize, but very slow to praise. Why must i do all the work to transform my heart? This is really hard. Why can't our father in heaven just use his mighty loving hand to do it?

It's both, God does the work, but you help Him out. What does He tell us, Matthew 11:29...Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls....God is suppose to be doing the work of the healing you need, let Him do that, but without you pulling along side, without you helping Him out, you are fighting Him rather than working with Him to the same goal. When oxen are yoked together, two things can less them up, one of the oxen can refuse to pull, or the one who is to be the helper, can try to do all the work...you are the helper, the one who "keeps up" not the one who "leads" if you get to the point in which you are trying to do all the work, or if you get to the point in which you are being stubborn and not pulling, the healing will not come. You and God need to work together to accomplish the goal of healing.

I have pride issues(too self conscious about self image), extreme people pleasing behavior, stingy and calculating(because i hate to feel like a doormat and be stepped all over). I have difficulties expressing myself too. I am also very critical of my self, and have little self acceptance.
The difficulty is massive. Taking the initiative to love another is hard. so hard.

so don't start with trying to Love...start with taking your thoughts captive and changing them into the thoughts of Christ. One of the most healing things I have "learned" (still learning it), is to discard what is not mine and own only what is mine...iow's, these ideas of things that are not of God, are no longer yours to own in Christ. Therefore, they need thrown in the trash. I often tell people, take the lies, and write them, or just pretend you actually have them in your hand, and throw them literally in the trash, they are no longer yours.

Here is an example of what I am saying from your own posts. You talk about no one loving you. That you know to be a lie, because if no one else loves you, Christ does and every single true believer in the world Loves you as well. So take the idea, that no one loves you, accept that you are Loved you just aren't aware of it, and throw out the lie that you are not loved. When you discard the lie, you are then free to ask God to reveal to you someone who loves you and by repeating this every time the thought comes to you, eventually, you will free your mind to be able to accept Love when it is shown to you.

Since its not the actions of love that transform us, then how does serving Him transform me?

serving Him transforms our entire being because He is LOVE...in it's purest form and by Him dwelling within you in the form of the HS, Love itself, dwells within you, not just the actions of love, but the Love itself sets up within you, a home, and it is there that Love dwells. You are the very dwelling place of Love, of the HS, how cool is that?!

____________________________________________________________________________

Hi eric, if i already have a heart of love, why don't i feel love or loved?

Thanks all for the comments. I hope i don't sound rude. If i do, i apologize. I've been that way for a long time. Just trying to fix myself up here.

not to speak for Eric, but...sin clouds our vision...sin doesn't want us to feel, know, recognize Love, because when we "feel, know, recognize" Love, then we "feel, know, and recognize" God, since He is LOVE...remember, He has not left Himself without a witness...Love is His witness...

 

[Emmy]

Dear Moradew. Jesus tells a Lawyer in 22: 35-40: " The first and great Commandment is: Love God with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. The second is like it: Love thy neihbour as thyself." Then Jesus states this great fact: " On these two Commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets." God wants our Love, freely given and No conditions tagged on.
How to love? Treat all you know and all you meet, friends or not friends, treat them as you would love to be treated: kindly and always with friendly words.
God will see your sincere efforts, and God will bless you. Jesus will give you His Love and Joy, and the Holy Spirit will empower you with His Love, also.
(Matthew 7: 7-10 " Ask and ye shall receive," then thank God and share all
Love and Joy with your neighbour. Keep asking God and thanking God, then share all Love and Joy with you neighbour. You might stumble and forget at times, but then ask God to forgive you, and share all Love and Joy with all around you.
A Christian`s great weapon is Love, with Love we will overcome all enmity and wrong behaviour. God is Love, and God wants loving men and women to
live with eternally. How to love? " ask and receive and then share all with our neighbour."
In Luke 10: 25-28: Jesus also tells the Lawyer: " You know the two great Commandments: to Love God and love your neighbour? DO THIS AND YOU WILL LIVE. I say this with love, Moradew. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ. P.S. gradually we will be " Born Again," turn into the children/sons and daughters, which God wants to have around Him.

 

[Moradew]

ooh. Many nice answers i got here. thanks everyone. And seeingeyes.. that task is almost impossible.. eek.. Maybe i'll just talk to my caregroup leader at a later time..

I have a few more question though..

1) My prayer for God to meet my need for Love has not been met yet. Does that mean i may have to wait for months or even years before i can receive it? And that i have to allow myself to receive love by breaking pride and be more forgiving?

2) I also don't feel secure in Christ, due to circumstances in my life. Like financial woes, anger issues and work problems. How may i trust God to help me out all the time? Will he give up on me when i give up on myself?

God doesn't wait until you have faith to love you. He loves you right now. He loved you last week. He loved you twenty years ago, and He will love you twenty years from now. He will never leave you nor forsake you. The question is: Do you believe that?

Don't look at faith as a "necessary to receive" but rather look at faith as a "now I see what before I couldn't" kind of thing.

If i were to ever lose my faith one day.. will God still help me out and pull me back even if i am in a state of disbelief? Because faith still sound like a currency of God to me...

In Christ, we learn to see with different eyes, the eyes of the spirit and the eyes of Christ.

Okay, i'll try my best to see through the eyes of Christ. But how may i see through the eyes of the spirit?

 

[seeingeyes]

ooh. Many nice answers i got here. thanks everyone. And seeingeyes.. that task is almost impossible.. eek.. Maybe i'll just talk to my caregroup leader at a later time..

Baby steps, then

I have a few more question though..

1) My prayer for God to meet my need for Love has not been met yet. Does that mean i may have to wait for months or even years before i can receive it? And that i have to allow myself to receive love by breaking pride and be more forgiving?

His love is already present. You just have to believe it, and then you can start acting like a person who is loved.

That's easier said than done, of course, if you have been surrounded by hatred all your life. That's why my advice is to start surrounding yourself with people who can actively demonstrate love and kindness and forgiveness. God often works through the hands of others.

2) I also don't feel secure in Christ, due to circumstances in my life. Like financial woes, anger issues and work problems. How may i trust God to help me out all the time? Will he give up on me when i give up on myself?

If i were to ever lose my faith one day.. will God still help me out and pull me back even if i am in a state of disbelief? Because faith still sound like a currency of God to me...

He gave His life for you before you were even born. His love is not dependent on your actions, it's not dependent on your faith, it's not dependent on your good work. Our Lord loves you because He is love.

Your trials are real, and they are serious, but you will find that the Lord is not just watching you go through these things from afar. He is with you in these trials.

Jesus said, "Whatever you do for the least of these, you do to me." In context (Matthew 25:31-46), he is talking about how those at the judgement have treated the hungry, the thirsty, and the naked. But think for a moment. If Jesus is saying that feeding some random person who is starving is the same as feeding him, then that means that Jesus was starving with that random person.

Whatever pain you experience is His, too. And our God will not be overcome by the pain in this world. He is in the business of restoring all things. He is in the process of raising His children. He is by your side through every hardship, and through these trials you'll find that you are growing up to be just like your Father in heaven. And He is beautiful!

Hang in there, sister. I'll be praying for you.

 

[Enxu]

Hi all,

I came from a broken family, and has never been shown true love before. Now i left home, and could take a breather finally by staying alone. I'm 25 years old this year. And has only learned how to empathise and relate to another person about 4-5months ago. Yes. My heart has been that unlovely and pathetic, not knowing love, and not filled with love for 25 years. Things that kids learnt at a tender age, i'm only starting to learn now.

I'm a christian for about 6 months now. Because i see the extreme importance of love in our lives, and also because of the 2 Great commandments, and the nature of God himself(Love), i pushed myself to learn empathy and for once felt how to love someone else back then. I came out of extreme self-focus by experiencing how a particular person is thinking and feeling, and desired good things for him. The Joy that came into my heart 4 months ago was really awesome. I think that is love.. But because love does not come naturally to me through my heart and habits, things spiralled down again.

I found it very hard to remind myself again and again to relate and desire good things for people. People all my life has always appeared to me as mere images living happy lives doing awful things. And ironically, i fear people(shyness) alot and due to the effect of sins of my parents, i led a life largely driven my guilt and fear. Pride came in also, destroying my life greatly.

I prayed for love about 1-2months ago? Waited and waited until now. Because i'm also suffering from depression, i became suicidal and snapped at work yesterday. I felt that God has given up on me. He has not met my needs to feel loved and to love. My christian walk has been mostly a walk of my own and of my own efforts to combat anxiety and guilt, and finding love. I fought sins hard for Jesus's sake, so as to please him and my own conscience, since we can only choose 1 when a temptation arises; to sin or to obey Jesus.

Well.. in short.. How do you love someone? How do u receive love and feel loved? My heart has Zero love for 25 years except for the recent human effort experience(Empathise first and then desire Good things for them). How may my heart walk with the spirit and live a spirit led life? Must i study/memorize and follow the bible in depth for long periods before i can live a life of Love? It will take me too long! Why can't God just drop a love potion into my heart to enable me to love and feel loved?

I threatened God yesterday, and felt that he has given up on me. Though i calmed down and has seen no miracles yet, i'm humbling myself to still stick with him and seek help..
Help me out guys... My walk with the lord has not much joy, since i have very little love in my heart...

Hi Moradew,

Take heart, you are not the only one who has suffered from the sins of your parents. For ard 10 years, I lived in constant domestic violence and oppressive parenting. I was emotionally abused by those who "love" me but don't know how to show love correctly. I was living in fear and anxiety for the most part of my teenage years and still suffer from anxiety and panic attacks in my twenties.

I've been a Christian for years but the walk has never been easy for one moment. Because my family used to deal with the occult, my faith only opened my eyes to the demonic bondage that trapped my family in violence. I fought that for years and only now things are getting better, but yeah the damage is done. I have PTSD and am prone to depression, and find it extremely hard to get into intimate relationships with people because of trust issues.

Don't give up praying for your freedom and healing. Having grown up in a bad environment means problems don't get solved immediately. Its tough but we live with it and move on. Pray for a change of heart since you need to deal with your own problems. Pray for your family as well and ask God to help you to forgive.

 

[razzelflabben]

ooh. Many nice answers i got here. thanks everyone. And seeingeyes.. that task is almost impossible.. eek.. Maybe i'll just talk to my caregroup leader at a later time..

I have a few more question though..

1) My prayer for God to meet my need for Love has not been met yet. Does that mean i may have to wait for months or even years before i can receive it? And that i have to allow myself to receive love by breaking pride and be more forgiving?

God is about relationship, relationships take time...look at the relationship between a husband and wife, it develops over time...even a parent child relationship develops over time. It is unrealistic to expect to one day meet someone who instantly makes you "feel" loved. In fact, Love usually takes time to "feel" that is why covenant is part of love. Let's take a child for example, he does something bad, his parents correct him, and in that moment of anger, he no longer feels love. Love is still there, and when he is down the road, he will eventually look back and see love. Part of your problem is that you don't know what Love looks like when it is shown to you. Which is why I suggested looking at I Cor. 13. That being said, God has and is loving you and sending you love as well, but...you don't know how to receive it, or what it looks like. You have this idealist view of what Love should look and feel like, most likely from photos and tv programs that promote the "feel warm and fuzzy" part of love. What you lack is a true understanding of what Love is and how it looks, until you change that vision with humility and faith, you won't be able to see it, because it will remain hidden by sin.

2) I also don't feel secure in Christ, due to circumstances in my life. Like financial woes, anger issues and work problems. How may i trust God to help me out all the time? Will he give up on me when i give up on myself? Let's try this a different way...what do you think God's job in your life is? What do you think Love looks like, especially as it comes from God? How would you know if someone was loving you? How would you know if God was showing you love? The answers to these questions will help us identify the places where your thought patterns are missing the Love God is trying desperately to get you to understand. If your not comfortable answering in public, feel free to PM me.

If i were to ever lose my faith one day.. will God still help me out and pull me back even if i am in a state of disbelief? Because faith still sound like a currency of God to me...

God will for the rest of your life, try to pull you to Himself, even when you are living in faith, He will try to pull you ever closer to His very heart, so that you can understand how amazing He thinks you are.

Okay, i'll try my best to see through the eyes of Christ. But how may i see through the eyes of the spirit?

If you believe unto salvation, your spiritual eyes want to see with the eyes of Christ, because you are now, for the first time, spiritually alive in Christ, not separate from Him.

 

[David Sylvian]

ooh. Many nice answers i got here. thanks everyone. And seeingeyes.. that task is almost impossible.. eek.. Maybe i'll just talk to my caregroup leader at a later time..

I have a few more question though..

1) My prayer for God to meet my need for Love has not been met yet. Does that mean i may have to wait for months or even years before i can receive it? And that i have to allow myself to receive love by breaking pride and be more forgiving?

2) I also don't feel secure in Christ, due to circumstances in my life. Like financial woes, anger issues and work problems. How may i trust God to help me out all the time? Will he give up on me when i give up on myself?




If i were to ever lose my faith one day.. will God still help me out and pull me back even if i am in a state of disbelief? Because faith still sound like a currency of God to me...


Okay, i'll try my best to see through the eyes of Christ. But how may i see through the eyes of the spirit?

God will guide you in faith even if you are in disbelief, yes. Especially if you ask God for this.

The same with love.

Or anger or pride.... all are related...

I find a lot of help by answering questions, then finding myself challenged at times by my own standards, for instance, which I see as God's doing.

It can depend on where and when and how you are willing to allow God work. You have to keep opening your mind and keep striving to soften your heart.

I think of it as consensual, we have to be consensual in our behavior, God does not force us, though He will put pressure on us. Our best stance is to be willing.

 

[Moradew]

Thanks everyone. Great advice there. I think i'll do a summary at the end of this thread so that people who are devoid of Love can learn from it too.. I spoke to a christian counselor a couple of days ago. He says that i should work on my identity in Christ first as well as to become Christ/Gospel centered. Found alot of hope in that guy.

Also.. i discovered something a bit disturbing. I may be born narcissistic or have been bred into narcissism. The most evident symptoms are the complete lack of empathy, obsessive with self and thinking that the world revolves around me.

Pathetic, i know. But i have also never given any thought on how to or tried to build a relationship. Time to google...

what do you think God's job in your life is?

Hmmmm.. i have never thought about that before.. uhh.. In my opinion. God's job in my life is to draw me nearer to him i think. This will also cause a whole bunch of blessings as i come closer.

What do you think Love looks like, especially as it comes from God?

If love come from God, i have no idea how it looks like. I guess there will be plenty of Joy in it. And the heart will feel good and touched.

How would you know if someone was loving you?

If someone loves me, i do not know. The only thing i know is the kind of love that occurs between a man and a woman. So i'm guessing plenty of hugs and kissess, smiling, some teasing and cuddling.

How would you know if God was showing you love?

Blessed and comfortable life... i know its not biblical. I just realised that.. Gotta change it.. I thought that God would love me if he stopped me when i try to do anything foolish even against my own wishes. Save me in distress and turn my heart back to him when i turn away. Basically, what a good earthly father would do.

The answers to these questions will help us identify the places where your thought patterns are missing the Love God is trying desperately to get you to understand. If your not comfortable answering in public, feel free to PM me.

I just realised that my answers are very silly.. well.. i really really have no real clue.

Enxu, maybe you might wanna look for help by creating a thread stating all your problems. The people here seem to be very experienced in christ.

 

[David Sylvian]

Thanks everyone. Great advice there. I think i'll do a summary at the end of this thread so that people who are devoid of Love can learn from it too.. I spoke to a christian counselor a couple of days ago. He says that i should work on my identity in Christ first as well as to become Christ/Gospel centered. Found alot of hope in that guy.

Also.. i discovered something a bit disturbing. I may be born narcissistic or have been bred into narcissism. The most evident symptoms are the complete lack of empathy, obsessive with self and thinking that the world revolves around me.

Pathetic, i know. But i have also never given any thought on how to or tried to build a relationship. Time to google...


Hmmmm.. i have never thought about that before.. uhh.. In my opinion. God's job in my life is to draw me nearer to him i think. This will also cause a whole bunch of blessings as i come closer.

If love come from God, i have no idea how it looks like. I guess there will be plenty of Joy in it. And the heart will feel good and touched.

If someone loves me, i do not know. The only thing i know is the kind of love that occurs between a man and a woman. So i'm guessing plenty of hugs and kissess, smiling, some teasing and cuddling.

Blessed and comfortable life... i know its not biblical. I just realised that.. Gotta change it.. I thought that God would love me if he stopped me when i try to do anything foolish even against my own wishes. Save me in distress and turn my heart back to him when i turn away. Basically, what a good earthly father would do.

I just realised that my answers are very silly.. well.. i really really have no real clue.

Enxu, maybe you might wanna look for help by creating a thread stating all your problems. The people here seem to be very experienced in christ.

This:
If love come from God, i have no idea how it looks like. I guess there will be plenty of Joy in it. And the heart will feel good and touched.

Plus this, or the above symbolically (usually):

If someone loves me, i do not know. The only thing i know is the kind of love that occurs between a man and a woman. So i'm guessing plenty of hugs and kissess, smiling, some teasing and cuddling.


Times many times. No end to those times.



(Do I really talk that weird?)

 

[razzelflabben]

Thanks everyone. Great advice there. I think i'll do a summary at the end of this thread so that people who are devoid of Love can learn from it too.. I spoke to a christian counselor a couple of days ago. He says that i should work on my identity in Christ first as well as to become Christ/Gospel centered. Found alot of hope in that guy.

Also.. i discovered something a bit disturbing. I may be born narcissistic or have been bred into narcissism. The most evident symptoms are the complete lack of empathy, obsessive with self and thinking that the world revolves around me.

Pathetic, i know. But i have also never given any thought on how to or tried to build a relationship. Time to google...


Hmmmm.. i have never thought about that before.. uhh.. In my opinion. God's job in my life is to draw me nearer to him i think. This will also cause a whole bunch of blessings as i come closer.

drawing close to God will cause a whole bunch of blessings, but it will also cause a whole bunch of suffering. In fact, suffering is a huge part of our relationship with God, it has a purpose so not evil, but that is a bit of a different discussion. Many people come to God thinking that God's job is to make their life a bed of roses, fix everything in our life we don't like, and make life heaven on earth, yet we are called by that very God of love, to endure through the tough times, to persevere through the trials. IOW's right now, you are being called to persevere, endure, don't let go of God, and in that, learn trust and obedience.

If love come from God, i have no idea how it looks like. I guess there will be plenty of Joy in it. And the heart will feel good and touched.

that is what the world tells you love is...God's idea is much different, in fact, look at the life of Christ, God's idea of love as demonstrated by Christ, is one of suffering, pain, even death. There is a perspective concept to love that many ignore. The best definition I can find for Love is...putting another above yourself in an act of humility, creating a covenant, whose intent/purpose is reconciliation/restoration. IOW's love is humbling yourself to think of others first, yourself secondly, and in that enduring (covenant) to the completion of the goal, a goal that is reconciliation/restoration.

So, let's take an example...some say love is a smile, does a smile covenant? Does it have a goal? What is that goal? Some say love is an act, like feeding the poor...okay, when you feed the poor, is it with covenant, to meet as many of their needs as you can for as long as they are poor? Are you feeding them with the purpose of them being reconciled to God, through your care, showing them the care of Christ? Matthew 22:40 if love sums up all the law and prophets, we have to understand that anything we do that is not done in love, is sin, because love is the very heart and nature of God....

If someone loves me, i do not know. The only thing i know is the kind of love that occurs between a man and a woman. So i'm guessing plenty of hugs and kissess, smiling, some teasing and cuddling.

lol...I Cor. 13...
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails.


each of these things tells us what love looks like when we see it, love is patient, it rejoices in truth, etc. Another example of what love looks like is found in our "pictures" of Christ's love for us, for example, Christ loves us like a father, what does scripture tell us of a fathers love...a brother, what of a brothers love...the master craftsman...the bridegroom...the friend...the Savior...etc...we found 13 such pictures of what Love is in scripture, as shown to us by God Himself....when we see these things, then we begin to recognize Love when it is shown to us. This very thread, is demonstrating Love to you, the trick is to recognize it, we learn to recognize it by studying the word of God and seeking the revelation of the HS as the HS teaches us all things.

Blessed and comfortable life... i know its not biblical. I just realised that.. Gotta change it.. I thought that God would love me if he stopped me when i try to do anything foolish even against my own wishes. Save me in distress and turn my heart back to him when i turn away. Basically, what a good earthly father would do.

He does, but look at the story of the Prodigal son, the father did not force his will on the son, but did try to counsel his son...when our son graduated high school, he wanted to walk to a neighboring state, we counseled him, but in the end, he made his own call, and days into the journey, called us to come get him...God will correct you, He will show you the right way, but He will also be standing there waiting for you to come home, when your will overrides His wishes, this too is love.

I just realised that my answers are very silly.. well.. i really really have no real clue.

no not silly at all...just need some modifications to your thinking in order to understand love.

 

[sonny1293]

I struggle with this as well. I am also depressed and have anxiety disorder.

I have a strong dislike for people. But love to me is not a feeling, it is an action. 1 Corinthians 13 says nothing about how we feel; it says how we don't feel like "love does not envy." Paul said somewhere in Galatians, or may be it was in Philippians, that we who worship by the Spirit of God put no confidence in the flesh. If we waited until we felt love for the other people to love them, we are putting confidence in our flesh.

My intelligent adopted sister graduated from college and is working as a high school teacher. She is the same age as me. And I am only on disability. My IQ is only 85. I can't pass college even if I tried, well not very well. But I was jealous of her. She made my life hard growing up. She mocked my intelligence, made fun of me, and was just mean. So even though I was jealous of her, I kept thanking God for her success and kept telling God that I choose to forgive her. And eventually I felt happy for her.

Doing the right thing doesn't always involve feeling.

This old lady was sick in our church; and I had an opportunity to go see her. But my motivations were wrong. Jesus cast people away for not visiting the sick in one of his stories. And so my motivation was based on fear. So I decided to not go see her because God will not accept my good deed. I ended up regretting not seeing her. I should not let my feelings determine my actions; that's putting confidence in the flesh.

I will choose to do the right thing, even if my emotions are not right. God will change my emotions.

Loving other people doesn't mean we have to say hi every time we come across them. I doubt our Lord did that. We can still be a little shy and mind our own business. But when someone is need and we have the resources to help them, then it becomes our business to help them out.

I don't like people; but I do love them. And yes my feelings are starting to match up with how I am treating them. For example, when I see someone in need, I actually feel compassion for them. But it didn't start out that way. I would give to them because God says so.

So my suggestion is to ignore how you feel. Continue to pray for the love of God to fill your heart. But love people regardless of how you feel. I am not at all suggesting to go out and reach out to people; I don't do that. In fact, sometimes that makes a person annoying. If you are comfortable minding your own business, then do it. But help those you know need your help.

 

[Moradew]

Times many times. No end to those times.



(Do I really talk that weird?)

The best definition I can find for Love is...putting another above yourself in an act of humility, creating a covenant, whose intent/purpose is reconciliation/restoration. IOW's love is humbling yourself to think of others first, yourself secondly, and in that enduring (covenant) to the completion of the goal, a goal that is reconciliation/restoration.

oh this! the secret formula to love! Thanks! i will keep this in mind! It does make plenty of sense. Intention(reconciliation/restoration) + Empathise with humility(think of others first, yourself secondly) + Action(enduring (covenant)) = Love yum

Hi, sonny. Thanks for sharing. You are right, it does not always involve feelings. However, i would like to experience joy when loving. This, i am also very incompetent in accomplishing.

To all,
One thing that i would like to elaborate on is what razzelflabben has just stated - [whose intent/purpose is reconciliation/restoration]

As a person who is very possibly narcissistic, i have always given and helped people out alot. However, there is no love within me. Why? Because it has always been self serving. I have always helped people to gain their approval(self serving). To help, so that they would like me(self serving). To help to negate my feelings of guilt and fear(self serving). And to help to improve the image of how others look at me, when i have nothing, in other words , pretending to have something when i do not have it. I have been self deceived, i thought i was selfless! Intentions are very important.

In the above cases, it has always been done to satisfy myself. Never once in my 25 years of life did i ever helped someone for their happiness and well being. It was always me. Me, me and me.

we found 13 such pictures of what Love is in scripture, as shown to us by God Himself....when we see these things, then we begin to recognize Love when it is shown to us.

This very thread, is demonstrating Love to you, the trick is to recognize it, we learn to recognize it by studying the word of God and seeking the revelation of the HS as the HS teaches us all things.

Okay, i shall try it out.

He does, but look at the story of the Prodigal son, the father did not force his will on the son, but did try to counsel his son...when our son graduated high school, he wanted to walk to a neighboring state, we counseled him, but in the end, he made his own call, and days into the journey, called us to come get him...God will correct you, He will show you the right way, but He will also be standing there waiting for you to come home, when your will overrides His wishes, this too is love.

Would it be greater love if one father chooses to stop the freewill of his son by stopping him entirely and completely before his son decides to do something harmful? Why wait for his son to come back. I thought that it would be better to drag him back even if he becomes very unhappy, because this is for his own sake and future happiness.

Manipulation i know. But it makes sense to me. Control a person entirely, so that he or she may be safe always.